by  Ifreke Inyang [@ifreke]

[30th May – 4^th June, 2011]

MONDAY: This week started on a rainy note and @SharonOjong loved the weather. “The daybreak drizzle is a total turn-on,” she tweeted. “Good morning twitfam! I’m loving this moment. I just want to cuddle n get some TLC..” @temiokomi wasn’t in need of TLC. He was quitting his job for another. He announced that in his tweet: “Awake. Thank you Lord Jesus. Healthy as well. Today, I’m officially a free agent. My last day as a staff of Hitv. Thank you God!!” @TJthe1st told us about the new indulgence his brother was into these days. “Wow, my bro now reads 9ja novels. I opened one of ’em and he actually writes gbagaun beside every grammatical error,” he tweeted. @IncredibleNaijaPikin told us about the mistake he made over the weekend. “Choi! I nor for go that wedding last week o! The food is affecting my stomach now. I’ve lost count of hw many times I’ve visited d loo..”

TUESDAY: @UncleJevi wondered why his visitor was shocked at the amount of liquor he had in his house. “Why is @Lionnesse amazed at the amount of alcohol I have in my house? I’m an Isoko man! :D” he declared proudly in his tweet. @iviebaileys also made a wrong judgment and she told us about it in her tweet: “OMG!!! I saw one girl’s DP on BBM nd I asked her if It was rag day in her skool… Didn’t know it was her bday pic☹”@ajekpakotohbehd on his own part was drooling over another girl’s bbm dp. “Mehn! I don enlarge this geh dp more than 8 times already. Hmm! Make we no dey 2geda wen rain fall. #ThatIsAll” he tweeted. @yoitsBeazy had a cold too but he had other ideas on how to deal with it. “I just feel like cutting my nose off, throwing it to the floor and stomping on it!” he said in his tweet. “This Flu’s killing me like that. Lol!”

WEDNESDAY: @MsFrances91 had no choice but to be patient despite the fact that she was really hungry. “This is gettin annoyin oo! Hunger is hitting me real hard n I stil have to wait for dis lecturer…” she fumed in her tweet. @PengBoiz didn’t know how to deal with the new twitter notifications he was getting. “Arrrggh! I don’t like this Email Notifications I’m getting when I’m mentioned,” he tweeted. “How do I stop it!?” @IamdoyinAce knew the solution to her problems. She told us about in her tweet. “Choi….I’m really losing weight!!! Dis schl ehn!!! It’s bad to b broke mahn!!! I need 150k oooooooooo!” @hardrold was rather eager to get something else. “Hahaha yessssss!!!! Playbook 2 is coming with a 10inch screen and inbuilt BIS and BES,” he tweeted excitedly. “Just we when I tot I had enuf from Blackberry..”

THURSDAY:  One thing that @UberBetty has had enough of was her fair share of crushes. Her tweet was: “But damn! I’ve had so many crushes in my short life. Oh yes I have!” @Yolnizzle told everyone on her timeline the reason why she has stayed off dissing some set of people. “I have only stopped yapping obese people because I have a very sweet obese follower!! The day she unfollows me, you are finished!!!” @tobiogunsola boasted about his accomplishment  to his followers. “Since dere was nuttin interestin showin on  TV, I decided to watch the first 2 seasons of Spartacus. Guess wot? I hav finished it!” @AngelHear_T shared her thoughts on which video shouldn’t be played on TV. Her tweet was: “Oleku video shouldn’t be shown on TV.. It shud left at Youtube level..”

FRIDAY: @MsBukonla was angry that someone used her connection to watch stuff online. “WTH! Did this chic use my 1.5GB Glo monthly to watch film online! Something I use slowly! But she just ended my subscription at one sitting!” @forabtix who was going to sit for the upcoming JAMB exams was furious that it had been postponed. “Mehn! Dis UME ppl ar sha madt! They haff scattered my plans to travel to d East to be with my lover!” he fumed. @olumeday was brooding over his past relationships as another of his former dates was tying the knots. “So another ex-girlfriend is getting married. I really do wonder what that says about me and my choice in females. #fb” he wondered in his tweet. @chinnydiva told us what she thought of herself though after stirring up disputes on a blog.. “Hian! I’ve gone and started another blog-fight…I should really be banned from commenting on people’s blogs :(“

SATURDAY: @tyrunsewe tweeted her opinion about a movie. “Precious is the most depressing movie. How can one person be fat, black, ugly, knocked up, poor and mentally inept? It’s unreal.” @glitterrz was flummoxed by her father’s question. Her tweet was: “Lmao….my dad just asked me if I was emotionally troubled or heartbroken……this house is getting weirder by the day.” For @TheExtrovertKid however, he was wondering how he would get by for two months without football on TV. “So this is how the next 6-7 weekends are gonna be? No football to look forward to? Dang!!!” Tweeters didn’t have an answer to that. Rather, they told us how you know when you are ugly. @DrewBaba: “#YouKnowYouAreUgly Wen u put ‘Am fine’ on your bio..”, @CuteNaija: “#YouKnowYouAreUgly When the Police will Arrest you For Looking out of the Window”, @lasgidiibabe: “#YouKnowYouUglyWhen the surveillance camera avoids your face..”

Gbagaun of the week: Have your pick!

@DemiladeR: OMG My best friend is FOOOL!!!

@CoolFM969: 96.9 COOL ABUJA!! IS IT TRUE THAT PEOPLES WHO PARTY OR SOCIALIZE MORE LIVE LONGER?????

@don_shegs: Babe u can calledd me by name but don’t  touch my beards ohhhhhh

@MbjOriola: So many tear i’ve cried… nd all for nothing i’m afraid to say

@davidigomanel: When life since unbearable don’t worried look up to God for deliverance.

@vendeley: I need a professionaly camera

@DollypeeDiva: Gosh, i just hope i’m not barking up the wrong tree! #sighs *drops a tears*

@DonOgbua: Him’s not dead ohhh!!

@Lol_itsTumi: Stupid lawyer, he couldn’t even prove that I didn’t committing suicide

@ShogzyRozay: If i was meant to be controlled. I would have came with a remote!

@Udedibia: Thnx guyz 4 ur responds to d DJ meanin Q…wit ur responds, means I got d Q correct,jst wntd to b sure…*kisses*

@b_koko: @Darealpumper wats going so i cant sent u a dm cos u aint ff *crying*

@twaadril: A moment of twitsilence 4 tweeps dt got raptured last mnth….may der soul rapture in piece.. -__-

@davidigomanel: My girls friend is stress me……but she will alway say stop it ….don’t touch it.

@bblaze88: Have been standin 4 d passed 1hr na just B’cos I wanna pay sum bill

@streetzlord101: He’s surely make á way

@cwAbah: I’m thankful for life and good healthy

@editedout: Runnnning to the airport. I can’t lost my fly today…ooosss

@jennybarl: @Chukie_lynxxx you and ur friends were the bomb…I had a fun

@ThatIgboBoy: Although I’m hardly busy, my BBM status is always says  “Busy”

@PublickNME: So funny how is my sec school class mate has turned into an OYINBO

@fabayo_samuel: Did lil’wayne just sang like taylor swift or am just high?

Recommended: Follow @Knewkeed, @gbonoest and @djubuzzle this week.

Rant of the week: @exschoolnerd: When u see​ an advert on STV do u call STV 2 ask hw mch it is? U call d company 2 find out.. Dnt dm me any rude msg again abeg… *hiss*

Tweet of the week: @iamVIDI: I’m paying my tithe for the next 5months to the person that invented the g-string. U deserve more!

Retweet of the week: @937RhythmFm asked in their tweet, “What do guys really talk about when they are alone?” @Yung_efrenzy retweeted and said: “Yansh..”

Seriously tweeting: @TheHorny_Of_Ife: God show me the way dis month o….b4 my poverty starts to Trend Worldwide 🙁

Quote my tweet: @SIREradical: As much as I am tryin to see Mercy Johnson’s acting, all I am seeing is ‘breast, breast and more breast’!

Foot Note: Many thanks to @PengBoiz for providing some of the tweets used in this roundup. You can also become a YNaija twicorrespondent too. It’s quite easy. Get funny, witty and interesting tweets from your timelines and send it to me.