by Vera Ezimora

Yesterday on Nigerian Twitter, people were pissed about Ann Coulter’s latest article, titles, “To Speak To A Nigerian Prince About Your Health Care, Press 1 Now.” If you’re wondering what on earth she’s talking about, it’s about Obama’s healthcare website that isn’t working. So what does this have to do with Nigeria? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not a damn thing.

You know, I get humor. I appreciate humor in any piece of writing. If she had stopped at just including Nigerian in the title, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. But she had so much more to say about Nigeria and Nigerians. She had so much to say that one might forget that this article isn’t actually about Nigeria or Nigerians, nor do we have anything to do with Obama’s website and its functionality or lack thereof. You can read the entire article here, but here are a few excerpts:

“Do you notice anything that stands out about the list of convicts? Would any of their names have sounded strange to Ben Franklin? Of 22 people convicted of defrauding American taxpayers by fraudulently billing Medicare or Medicaid, at least 17 have almost comically foreign names.”

So Ann wants us to go back to the time of Ben Franklin? News flash, old woman, we’re way beyond that time. You’re just one foreign importation away from America officially becoming a Hispanic country. Or better yet, an African country. Wait, how about Nigerian? You watch.

“None of the scammers should be foreigners! We can’t do anything about our native-born crooks, but why are we importing them?”

I don’t have the words to explain how ignorant this comment is. There are criminals everywhere. You think there aren’t Americans in foreign lands who scam people? Shall I introduce you to American expatriates in Nigeria?

“Nigeria, for example, leads the world in criminal enterprises. Every level of Nigerian society is criminal, with the smart ones running Internet scams, the mid-range ones running car theft rings, and the stupid ones engaging in piracy and kidnapping. At the University of Lagos, you can major in credit card fraud. “

You’re just basic for saying shit like this, Ann. Every level of the Nigerian society is criminal?

“There were almost no Nigerians in the United States until the 1970s. Today, there are nearly 250,000 Nigerians in the U.S. (committing the cyber-crime Americans just won’t do!). In 2011, we took in more immigrants from Nigeria than from the United Kingdom (9,246 from the U.K. and 9,344 from Nigeria).”

Committing cyber-crime that Americans just won’t do? You’re a freaking joke. Pray, do tell us about this cyber crime that Americans just won’t do. And why do you care what country has the most immigrants? Oh, because Nigerians are Black? Or because we hail from – God forbid – Africa? The average Nigerian is more educated and more exposed than the average American.

In conclusion, Ann Coulter’s problem isn’t that criminals are running the website. Her problem is actually that foreign-born criminals are the ones running website. Okay, Ann, I’m getting you. I don’t know what the rest of you think of Ann, but in my opinion, she’s nothing but a racist and a bigot. I don’t want to do what most people are doing and call her a bitch, but damn, she’s a bitch.

She reminds me a lot of that other conservative fool, Rush Limbaugh who said he would move out of America is Obama won the first election. Obama is on his second term and Rush Limbaugh’s dumb ass is still living in America.  Unfortunately their foolishness is anything but conservative.

In a more important conclusion, Ann Coulter has been engaged several times and never married. I don’t know if she’s in a relationship right now, but considering how much of her healthcare article is actually focused on Nigeria, I have concluded that clearly, she has too much time on her hands and not even orgasms. Therefore, if you are one of the many Nigeria cyber-criminals who needs something someone else to do, contact Ann Coulter. The woman needs a few Nigerian Princes to press one and invade her orifices. All of them.

If you’re going to judge this post as being derogatory or insulting to Ann, then I’ll agree with you. That is exactly what I intended for it to be.  If you’re going to suggest anything else, you’re on your own — unless I agree with it, then we’re in business.

Meanwhile, Ann can go screw herself. No one else seems to want to.

P.S. No woman alleged woman with an adam’s apple should be allowed to speak so vilely and ignorantly about a country and a people she knows shit about. Her words undermine the efforts of innocent, dependable, trust-worthy, and hardworking Nigerians like me.

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