We need to find my missing friend, Abubakar Shekau fast! – and more, in today’s news roundup with Cheta Nwanze

by Cheta Nwanze

Boko Haram militants

A friend of mine is missing. His name is Abu Shekau, and I would be VERY grateful if someone helps me find him. He means a lot to me. N1.1 billions as a matter of fact.

There are so many inconvenient truths in life that most people would rather not talk about. Such as the fact that money is a huge motivating factor in anything. Thus it is that I have a confession to make. A friend of mine is missing. His name is Abu Shekau, and I would be VERY grateful if someone helps me find him. He means a lot to me. N1.1 billion as a matter of fact. Plus, he has the code so we can bypass those “anyhow” people at the US Consulate.

You see, I’m not some “broke-ass ni__a” (forgive the Americanism) like those geezers in the Niger state HoA who would stab their governor in the back for N70 million (a mere $441,501.19). Truth is that as things stand, that they are coming out to deny it points to another issue, that the politics of money is alive and well in Nigeria.

Just ask Aunt Oby.

Quote of the Day

After analysing previous attempts by governments to close the existing drug markets, I arrived at a conclusion that these attempts failed because of the non-provision of an alternative structure to replace the markets. I have always maintained that it is not practical to phase out the existing markets without a viable alternative. — After analysing what Aunt Dora said, can someone please tell BRF that you don’t ban bikes without viable alternatives already being in place?

Bits and bobs

CAN has asked that the serial Presidential Runner-Up be picked up for exercising his Constitutionally protected right to run his mouth. What worries me about these reactions is that our “leaders” only react when the “offender” is someone from a section of the country not their own. Except it be Rotimi Amaechi of course…

According to Iju-Ishaga residents, they were abandoned until two weeks ago when the memorial was coming up. Suddenly… If only we had decent human rights lawyers here.

Osun coral bead, Adebukola Alli has asked a court for more time before making a judgement on whether he had sex with a girl against her wishes. If only he had given her more time to say yes.

By the way, offices across the nation will stop work at 1400 for this afternoon’s 1-1 draw.

Right of Reply

Jay Bee wrote,

Pedophiles, I guess I heard that when I was about seven or eight years old. Then my Old man was gossiping, I mean discussing about a man whom they tagged as such. Confused I definitely was. But because I was curious by natures I got to know whom the man was and what he did to be tagged as a pedophile. What do you expect with sex perverts ( homosexuals) lurking at every nook and cranny of our neighbourhood, we don’t fear for our daughters alone but our sons too.

I’ll give the National Assembly and the household rep thumbs up.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail