Welcome to life after graduation

Independence seems to be a myth in the Nigerian home.

Your parents want you to go to university and learn how to survive by yourself but the moment you get back into their household all those ‘survival’ skills you picked up at university are automatically expected to take a back seat.

An inkling of your personal opinion being voiced is a sign of rebellion in a Nigerian household and sometimes I wonder, what was the point? Why was I sent to the white man’s land to pick up some of the more important skills only to have me come back home and act like i never left? I am expected to come back and be wholly docile.

After having lived semi-independently for two years during my A’levels in Lincolnshire and my days of absolute independence for four years at uni, I’d gotten used to doing things my way. I soon realised that I much preferred living by myself to sharing flats with others.

I got used to strolling out at 2am or ‘cabbing it’ to the 24 hour corner store because I’m an overzealous food lover. I got used to locking myself away for the entire weekend just watching TV shows.

I got used to late night strolls and Barclays bike riding at 3am whenever I was in London, just because. I got used to early morning McDonald’s breakfasts, late night sharwama’s and mid afternoon drinks whenever I wanted. (When my account balance wasn’t crying slave tears.)

When i moved back home, the things I’d gotten used to caused problems. I’d be getting comments like “you’re too anti-social”, “you’re not allowed to lock your door anymore” (seriously?!) all this stemmed from wanting to enjoy my personal space. On any given free day, I’d much rather stay in my room and read a book than watch TV. My laptop and wi-fi exist for a reason.

Another disastrous but unavoidable problem for those who have moved back home after a significant time away, is the sudden shift from answering to no one to needing permission for everything.Suddenly the parents switch from you’re too antisocial to “ah ah you’re going out again?” Or “who did you tell you were leaving the house?”

Permission seeking is required for every.single.thing.

“Mum, I need to go and buy a toothbrush”
“Daddy, can I go to Nkechi’s house?”

The list goes on.

You need to explain where you’re going, with whom and why you’re going. Sometimes you can tell that they only shut down your request just because they want you to know that you are not in control.

Just recently i was going out to dinner at La Taverna because I’d won an EatDrinkLagos giveaway. My mum asked me who I’d told I’d be going for dinner. (It was a last minute win o!) For goodness sake the voucher expired that night so I had to go. I responded and then I went on to add, “mummy, I’m 24.”
Lol. Na me mess up.

Her response was “you can give that answer when you live in your own house.” Internally I was like, fair enough ma, fair enough. This same mother always reminds me that at 24 she was in her husband’s house and had children.

At the end of the day, I respect the “you can do what you want when you live in your own house’ chat but really, I’ll be 25 next year and I still cannot imagine my dad allowing me to move out of the house if it’s not to get married. I might be wrong. Maybe if he thought I could sustain myself and my safety was guaranteed then he would say yes.

There are however many factors to consider when moving out – 24-hour security, the ability to keep up yearly rent payments, the electricity struggle amongst other things. Even if I was permitted to, moving out is not something that is feasible for me right now.

In this economic climate I cannot afford rent or a generator. If I decided to go for a serviced apartment, I cannot afford to pay the service charge and a down payment of two years rent.

I guess parents think that at your age they were struggling already so that’s what brings about independence. You can’t have one foot in and one foot out. I get that but it doesn’t make accepting it any easier. I still think things were easier in their time but maybe that’s just me justifying my lack of financial independence.

I’m a really opinionated person and I just have to ‘se jeje’ so my house isn’t a war zone. Of course there are still disagreements but once you’ve been back home for a while, you tend to adjust to things (it’ll probably take a few months) but you learn what fights to pick.

It is a necessity. Trust me. If you rise up to every fight, you’ll either go crazy or your home will be a pretty uncomfortable place to live in.

This post is for the IJGBs (I Just Got Back(s)) whether you went to university in Spain or university in Edo state. Once you’ve lived away from home for a long span of time, moving back requires some serious fine-tuning, back bending and lots and lots of chocolate for stress eating.


Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

Comments (4)

  1. Very nice. You took these words right out of my mouth. Thank you

  2. Read your story and i feel inspired to tell mine.its a little different from yours but same at the end..life in naija ko easy

  3. Nice and interesting piece. Its funny, but this is the reality in africa, parents are extremely controllling and over-protective. In other parts of the world bill gates, mark zuckerberg and their likes made marks in their youths, because an enviroment of creativity and initiative was fostered. I guess the responsibility is on us young adults to act differently towards our children whem we eventually become parents.

  4. So, after they spent all that money in your education you now want to be sitting in doors and not go and bring husband to take you away as you’re now 24 – prime for marriage? Lady, what’strongwichyou?

    Also, you didn’t tell us, did that eatdrinklagos ticket waste? That’s the one that concerns me

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