By Adedayo Ademuwagun

A lot of people sometimes talk about whether money or time-together is more important in a relationship.

One TV host says he travels a lot because of his job, and his fiancée complains he is not spending time with her. But he wonders why it is such a problem since he often gives her money and buys her things within his means.

What do you think about the importance of money compared to the importance of ‘time together’ in a relationship?

Femi Ojesanmi says, “It all depends on personal priority. Personally, I think the whole point of a loving relationship is to spend as much time together as possible, both physically and online.

Alice Ossai says, “Both are important to a relationship, but time is more important. It’s not always about the money. Every woman wants attention, too.”

“Women don’t actually like waiting around on a man because of money. Any woman doing that is surely getting the attention from someone else.”

Jumoke Olaoye agrees with Alice. She says, “Any day, time-together is top priority in any relationship that is truly based on love. So whether he gives her lots of money and stuff like that is not more important to someone who is truly in love.

“I’ve realized that most men don’t count as important what their women take to be important. Every woman wants to be the centre of the universe in her man’s life. But most time the men aren’t concerned.”

Maruf Dabo doesn’t think spending time is more important. He says, “Money is more important, because you can’t spend quality time together without money. And spending quality time together will mean probably not working to your maximum capability, like not taking the jobs that will fetch you money because you want to give more time to your partner.

“Women tend to hide behind the veil of ‘time together’. But really, from the way they act, you’ll see that it is the money and good things of life that are more important to them.

“I haven’t seen a man who’s spent all the time in the world with a lady without making money and the relationship would get to anything — except she’s made and probably just needs a toy.”

Joyce Inyang reasons with Maruf on that point. She says, “Giving me money and spending time with me are important to me. But, by the way, what would your presence do for me? When you are with me, we’d just kiss, talk, play and all that.

“As far as I’m concerned, that doesn’t add to my person. Not every woman likes to cling to some guy every millisecond of the day.”

Maruf recalls an incident he experienced lately. He was at a friend’s workplace, and then he asked her if the man sitting across the room was a married man. She replied, “Married? How much does he have?”

“That shows how our women think about money in a relationship,” says Maruf. “They believe that if you don’t have money, then just forget about relationship or marriage. So what are we saying?”

“My wife called me to say that she was feeling sick, and she expected me to panic and hurry home when I was going about my business. I can’t do that. At the end of the day if your productivity at work is affected and you lose your job, after a while it is the same woman who will kick you out and say ‘Go and get a job and look for money.”

Joyce reacts, “We need money for support. That’s for sure. But then that’s not to say that if he doesn’t have, I have to squeeze life out of him.

“It’s just that we believe that when a man has decided to add a woman to himself, he must have more to sustain both of them. So, to many, it’s only normal you give us the money. Even men know that they have to spend money on the woman in their life. They know they have to provide. But that doesn’t mean that women have to take advantage of that and make money the sole incentive for the relationship.”

Femi thinks that the relative significance a person attaches to money and time in a relationship depends on their background.

He says, “From my experience, ladies from less affluent homes mostly consider money to be the more important part thing in the relationship. The more affluent ones focus more on the being there part — the sitting together to catch a movie, the cuddling and things like that.”

“Spending time is absolutely important,” says Femi. “People evolve, but when they spend little time together, they grow apart and lose interest in one another. They become more of strangers to each other. It’s often a slow process, but it happens — and what keeps such partners together might be more of practical considerations like children, religion and societal expectations.”