by Randy Mitchell

After the initial shock wears off, you contemplate what went wrong. You feel weird because she’s the one who did the breaking up. You retrace your steps.

Many relationships are beneficial, both emotionally and physically, until things go astray.

You may have dated a girl for the past several months or even years before things fell apart.

And for the foreseeable future, because she got to you like no other, you suddenly find yourself in uncharted territory.

How do you cope so you can move forward and eventually open up to someone new? It’s all going to depend on your self-esteem, support system and ability to adjust.

After the initial shock wears off, you contemplate what went wrong. You feel weird because she’s the one who did the breaking up. You retrace your steps.

You think about that off-colored joke at her sister’s wedding that fell on deaf ears, the dinner where you (actually) forgot your wallet as the check arrived, your struggles in bed after drinking too much (this never happened before!) and those first moments while meeting her parents when your throat ran dry.

Your entire history with her flashes before your eyes.

The places you went together and things you shared are constant memories. Most of the mistakes you made seemed innocent enough, but when she gave you the talk, there was obviously a lot more going on than you realized.

Breakups are hard – no matter the reasons. However, because we’re men and men always want to be the generals leading the charge, a girl splitting up with us is often very hard to take.

It cuts deeply into our masculinity, our leadership, our esteem and (yes) our emotions.

Some of us have the ability to move forward with very little downtime. For others, dealing with the after-effects isn’t a simple process, especially if you deeply cared for or even loved the woman who turned you loose.

Here are a few tips:

1. Seek out your support system.

No, I don’t mean driving to your mother’s house and laying your head in her lap while you sob and she strokes your hair.

I mean talking with your closest male friends, those you really trust. I guarantee they’ve all been standing in your spot at one time or another. If they haven’t, they’re either lying or aren’t human.

Nothing can help you more than speaking with those inside your inner circle, as long as their advice is genuine.

2. Female friends.

Speak with that girl you grew up with or a co-worker you’ve come to know.

As long as it’s a respectable relationship and she has your best intentions at heart, a female opinion can be priceless. And let’s face it, nobody understands women like other women – period.

Describe to her what happened (leaving out the super intimate details, of course) and give her the basic script. She should be able to give you valuable insights and grasp the situation fairly well.

However, she might say something you’d rather not hear, like another guy could be in the picture, so be prepared. A woman’s emotional closet is sometimes filled with many secrets.

3. Get out there.

Unless you’re Charlie Harper, beginning to date again can really heal the wounds. But dating again can only heal you if you’re emotionally available to give love another try.

Don’t do this until a respectable amount of time has passed. It isn’t fair to the next object of your affection. And if you’re still wearing your heart on your sleeve for another, women can sense this a mile away.

So when you’re ready (really ready), go ahead. You’ll begin feeling better in no time.

4. Talk with her – maybe.

If you parted as friends with no shouting matches or psychopathic hysterics requiring police intervention, then a possible conversation down the road could be helpful.

However, this only works if you can keep any grand illusions of getting back together in check.

Speak with her as you would a friend or family member. Be open about your thoughts, but respect her decisions.

After time has passed, and if she honors your true feelings, she could provide more reasons why she said her “goodbyes,” leading you to better closure.

Word to the wise here: Only do this if you’re really past any lingering or hard feelings.

5. Professional help.

If you need help coping and can’t do it on your own, there’s no dishonor in contacting a professional. Psychiatrists and counselors can assist you with your healing process.

Don’t wait till you’re curled up on the couch and surviving on pizza delivery. These folks are very good at what they do and only have your best interests in mind.

No one can be Superman all the time. Each of us can periodically benefit from a little guidance.

Are you currently rebounding from a relationship or have in the past? What are some of the things you’ve done to deal with it?

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Read this article in Dating Advice

 

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.