by Tutu Akinlabi

Toni Payne just can’t seem to catch a break. The ex-wife to musician, 9ice recently came under fire again for saying that women shouldn’t leave a cheating man.

This made a lot of people assume that she was supporting infidelity especially because of the widespread belief that she cheated on 9ice and so caused the end of her marriage to him.

Toni has responded to her critics and she has decided to address the cheating issue “once and for all”:

Excerpts from her blog below:

I have learned over the years that you pick your battles. I have also learned that it is wise to ignore certain things, but when that certain thing is something that could impact another being negatively, then I would be doing a disservice by ignoring. I woke up this morning to a tweet by a twitter follower of mine (blazingpearl). She had retweeted a friend who retweeted a quote that was supposedly said by me.

Apparently some blogs are touting the idea that I am okay with cheating. “Toni Payne Said, do not leave a cheating man” Toni Payne said its okay to cheat”. I have NEVER in any way shape or form, condoned cheating. It is hurtful, wrong, can be dangerous and I do not advise anybody male or female to cheat on their mate. I know different people used different headlines to address my tweets.

I am only referring to those blogs whose headlines on twitter said I was okay with cheating. To those who quoted me without saying I was okay with cheating. Thanks for staying within the professional lines. My tweets were about self love. We cant deny that not everyone leaves a cheating spouse. The point I was trying to make was, if you decide to stay, please work on loving yourself instead of being miserable because your man is creeping. That is IF you decide to stay. I am not here to judge anyone who wants to stay with a cheating spouse, we all know what we can endure in life and we all know what makes us okay as individuals.

I felt like tweeting advice that may or may not help someone that may be going through some difficult times. You never know who is reading and I feel some words I have stumbled on have helped me too so why not. I really don’t want to stop tweeting advice because of some mischievous few, but misconstruing my words on such a sensitive topic is irresponsible.

I talk about my experience because that is what I have to share. I can not speak about someone else’s opinion or experience. Only mine!Speaking about your experience in life does not mean you are dwelling on it. It doesn’t mean you are insecure, foolish, or you don’t know what you are doing. It simply means, you are wiser, and wisdom is a lot of times earned via learning from experience.

To those who still believe I cheated on my ex. I am sorry to disappoint you, I NEVER cheated on my ex-husband. Its not who I am, it will never be who I am. Tell yourself 1 million times, Toni Payne cheated, it will never make it true. Nobody caught me in any lie, or in any bad situation, nobody slept with anyone he was close to.

Sometimes, men want their freedom, and the fact is you cant force them to stay. Same goes for women. Everyone wont have a perfect relationship, not everyone will stay married forever, we can only aspire to.

 I am truly tired of this topic but since it seems to keep popping up, I felt it is best to finally address it properly. If anyone decides to hang on to the lie after this, that is their own cup of tea. I have a talk show to record, poetry to write and a child to raise.