Opinion: The 8 types of women you should never date (Never!)

by Jide Taiwo

It certainly feels like male-bashing season. Every other day there’s a new blog post, or article, or snide tweet admonishing women not to date this type of guy or why that type of guy is wrong for them. The way these women carry on, one would think all men were either a cold or calculating sociopath who only wants to jump into bed with every woman; or beer guzzling, unambitious zombies, devoted only to watching football.

But you see, that is not the case. Women happen to have more baggage than men (pun intended) and men have the gift of spotting baggage-carriers from afar off, as well as the skill to avoid them.

Well, most men… If you’re one of the hapless souls who do not, here are the 8 types of women that no young Nigerian man should date. At all.

1. The Barbie. The only thing Barbie has, is her pretty face. Finish. She’s the type of woman that doesn’t know much about anything. Hell, she doesn’t care much about anything! As long as her pretty face is intact, the world can burn for all she cares.

2. The Drama Queen. Avoid this person like a plague, even as a friend. She has no qualms about creating a scene over a perceived sin. She would bawl her eyes out loudly in public if she feels you don’t love her; or love her enough. She cries, she’s passionate and yes, she looooves the attention.

3. The Possessive/Obsessive Clinger. Similar to Miss DQ above, but she doesn’t have the need to cause drama; she has a need for YOU. At all times. She calls thrice an hour. Her first question always is ‘Where are you?’ If you don’t pick up because you’re getting chewed up by your boss, expect the multi-page accusatory text messages to start flooding in. She gets upset when you have the barest interaction with another woman. She wants to be the only presence in your life. Before she goes the way of Cameron Diaz’s character in ‘Vanilla Sky’, quickly give her the boot.

4. The Wife. She is not interested in dating. She doesn’t want a boyfriend: she wants a husband. She wants to marry. Now! One date and she’s ready to meet your parents. Two weeks on and she has chosen the names of the children you will have together. Nobody said women were logical creatures but then, life – as well as love- is in stages. I’m not sure I like you yet and you’re already choosing aso ebi… slow down madam.

5. The Party Animal. There’s nothing wrong with letting your hair down and having fun occasionally. When it now becomes a way of life, nne, we have a problem. Sometimes one needs to chill and enjoy the other person’s company. Not this lady. She knows all the happening places in Lagos. And Abuja. And London. Her friends are going. And she must be there too. The party animal will be bored with you in no time.

6. The Cheat. Seriously, do I need to explain this? There is no way in the world to have a meaningful relationship with someone who’s cheating on her boyfriend with you. Even if she gets out of that relationship and starts a new one with you, you know that she has no qualms about infidelity. She’s going to cheat on you too. Period.

7. Nairabody. “I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger, but she aint messing with no broke n…” This is the type of woman who craves the finer things in life and expects a man to provide them. She’s with you only for the money. She might actually ‘like’ you, but if you can’t buy her things and generally assume responsibility as her personal cash dispenser, forget it; you can’t get five minutes of her time. She’s a pro at using sex as a tool: you get it when you pay. The moment she finds a more affluent man (that is if she doesn’t have a bunch of you suckers around her pinky already), she’s going to kick your broke behind to the curb. Expecting a steady stable relationship from Nairabody is futile. There are better ways to waste time and money.

8. Your neighbour’s teenage daughter. Forget how she looks in a tank top. There’s a law against that type of thing.

Comments (87)

  1. Looooooooool!! This article is really funny. Tho I ll recommend that the ladies read it @ least twice before commenting. At first glance, it looks like Jide has it out for the ladies. That said, I think that the women described above r d type Jide has dated all his life..and broken up with. I think every woman has issues with possessiveness. Especially wen every other week, u hear ur friend breaking down over d cheating bf. But we ladies need to ask ourselves: do the men cheat with other men or women like us?? I don't know of any girl who will give another girl her bf's pin on a normal day if d luv is still there. Still…we need to tone down the paranoia a bit

    Lastly, Jide says "the wife" is to be avoided…NOT "wife material". It makes sense cuz u do not marry on d first date. Tho I don't like serial daters. If ur dating mr dan 1 person at 1ce, b responsible and let d other ppl involved b aware of d situation. All the others numbers…even I as a woman wouldn't date them.

    That's all I have to say about this article. Jide, keep it up. We need ur sense of humour. 🙂

  2. Looooooooool!! This article is really funny. Tho I ll recommend that the ladies read it @ least twice before commenting. At first glance, it looks like Jide has it out for the ladies. That said, I think that the women described above r d type Jide has dated all his life..and broken up with. I think every woman has issues with possessiveness. Especially wen every other week, u hear ur friend breaking down over d cheating bf. But we ladies need to ask ourselves: do the men cheat with other men or women like us?? I don't know of any girl who will give another girl her bf's pin on a normal day if d luv is still there. Still…we need to tone down the paranoia a bit

    Lastly, Jide says "the wife" is to be avoided…NOT "wife material". It makes sense cuz u do not marry on d first date. Tho I don't like serial daters. If ur dating mr dan 1 person at 1ce, b responsible and let d other ppl involved b aware of d situation.

    That's all I have to say about this article. Jide, keep it up. We need ur sense of humour. 🙂

  3. Great article but really funny. Obviously, these type of women should be avoided. In fact, I personally hate those girls that are only interested in dating a husband material. As you rightly said, they don’t want a boyfriend but husband. They are the worst of all the women you discussed above.
    I have a reversed version of this post which titled: the type of men you should never date as a woman. check it out:
    http://www.trueloverelationship-advice.com/2012/04/type-of-man-you-should-never-date.html#.UM1tlnXepZs

  4. tick toc biological time peace how long should a man wait before having sex/this is kind of a trix question be cause of a morality issue called marraige or sex before maraige that a yes or no question. also it up for discusion if you young u can wait but what if you are a bit older how long what could happen to the clock would it need a watch repair specilist.
    lol…..

  5. woman, how old was adam when eve was born or made from adams rib? I mean how long was he a bachlor? don't know if I spelled that right bachlor. lol who knows maybe he was 176 lol maybe in the garden of eden there was no need for age. who invente time god? so anyone got ans to my silly question or not so silly questions.

  6. It is a we'll known fact dat ladys are lyk local rice no mata hw u sieve it, u must get sand. Dats does nt mean dat guys re perfet.we'll,we cnt avoid them. I think luv is tolerance. Is hard to find a girl witout any of dis cos it is d nature of man. No one is perfet.'

  7. I like this list, but men will like what they like anyway.

    Thinking about my little cousins (about 10 years old) and I already know which one of the boys will surely date drama mamas and which one will like more "boring" ones.

  8. Guy u spoke well, but no ladies is perfect….GOD said they ar just an helper 4 u. we guys need 2 pray b4 enter in 2 relationship, and God wil gv us happy home.

  9. Very interestin. Jide ride on. What do you have next? Truth is, even your wife whoever she may be MIGHT fall in2 on of the categories. Just been logical. Its ur ability to be paitent in making her be what u want her to be and to understand her and d luv 4 her that makes u blind to that.

    To the ladies, if u are one of them,u can still change. Its never to late.

    To Jide,i do believe,even having this knowledge;you wuld still come to love one.

    Or are u gay? Lol

  10. Tokunbo you ought to be tied to a stake and shot for that last statement (ANOUFIA!)

  11. Y readers! Can't u just laff? Must everything be a debate? Okay, if u want a debate, y not write in response. Just make it a better article.

  12. I don't fnk dey read d topic plus Bukky has press P ooh….dnt wori you'll still marry……

  13. Bukky is 6 and 7, and like we all know she's obviously no2 that's y we broke up. I still luv her tho x_x

  14. Loool…y all ds rage by us women?! Remember the title is "8 types of women not to date" not "the 8 types of women". He's not saying all women are this way, come on sisters somtimes we get too reactive n dat suspends our reasoning abilities. The title itself presupposes that there is a "type(s)" of woman who is a date material…so chill. We have to admit the profiles as described by the author do indeed exist n I 4 one wldnt want my brothers bringing any of those profiled types home.

    Now to the writer, how r u ever going to change the fact that men who mostly will do anything 4 sex, will turn a blind eye to most of these flaws in some of the women they roll with because of the available option of sexual favours. God help u male creatures…n separate d men from the boys. Most of you run scared at the indication of a brain or drive in a woman n seek asylum in d arms of bimbos. There are many men who are in truth just boys inside, dey are yet to discipline their urge for sex n so ur article is a waste of time. I knw at least 3 close male friends who are dating drama queen's n Naira bodies jst cos d sex is great. Its neva gonna go away cos d brothers want wat they want. It is what it is!

  15. I'm waiting for Bukky to comeback sha…. ROFLOL!!!!

    Una go hear am hot!

  16. Loool.dis post is hilarious n mkes sense. There's a saying dat says anoda man's meat is anoda's poison. Whose guy wldn't want 2 b possessed by a lady or still wan 2 c tears cmes out frm her eyes?dats wat guys like,so u dnt xpect d ladies 2 give it 2 dem?lie,dey are goin 2 get it. Jide,mayb u like d lady dat beat up a man since u dint include;The Bossy Lady'

  17. The truth is there's no lady on earth who's perfect n there's no lady under d sun who does nt fall into I of d categories listed above. If u say they shld restrategise they will end up falling into another category….the fact is this…when u meet a lady u love,with patience, love n good grooming u will make her to be ur ideal woman!!!!

  18. Jide, you are right in your analysis. Let's assume that these are the only type of women in the world, and IF you cannot settle with one of the lot, then the problem is you the guy. That means you must be a hell of a boring, broke-ass, non-committing guy.

  19. Plenty drama goin on 'cos of a simple "fact" but life they say is a drama and the whole place the stage… So live ur life and not forgetting that however you choose to live some people will complain… Jide you may be rightly wrong or wrongly right… LHB!

  20. Wonder why most ladies are fighting this truth. Just strike a balance your life. It's a personal race, na make we men open our eyes.

  21. Nice n easy stuff.

    But whats more hilarious are the comments.

    Jide In every num I see a man similar to them or dat actually wants them.

    some guys would rather you 'chop my money,I dnt care'.

    Its the variety of life. Don't shop in this store if yre preference is not dere.

    these things will always be written abt both sexes.

    And for those dat lik nos 8, remember she is a mystery yet unravelled.

    You cld be shocked;)

  22. Nawao……the comments even dey interesting pass d post….na dat party dog…i hate pass

  23. We got defensive after our blind spots got aired. Every girl and I mean every actively dating girl would have landed in at least one of these categories. Going forward, reflect, restrategise and get better. Quit the shoe hurling and get to work on YOU…time is money. Nice1, Jide.

  24. We got defensive after our blind spots got aired. Every girl and I mean every actively dating girl would have landed in at least one of these categories. Going forward, reflect, restrategise and get better. Quit the shoe hurling. Nice1, Jide.

  25. So the feminine hormones are already out for blood because the article outlines the truth, the whole truth and even better than the truth. I'm sure the ladies whining bout it know they fall into one of those categories…its normal they fight it, their dignity is at stake…or gone…lovely read, I concur with everything….Ladies, write yours!

  26. lol……..make sense!!!

  27. Okay, ladies let's not be abusive/aggressive he hasn't written that all women r like these, but even if u are u can change it(like I'm a bit possesive and i jst smile when I got there & promise myself a change) However, in conclusion, women have so many flaws but men have just two: everything they say and everything they do. Lolz

  28. MY QUESTION IS; IS DATING SCRIPTURAL? ASK GOD TO HELP YOU WITH A GOOD CHOICE COS HE THAT FINDETH A WIFE FINDETH A GOOD THING,… WITHOUT GOD HELPING YOU, EVEN IF THE ONE YOU HAVE DOES NOT FALL INTO THESE 8 CATEGORIES, YOU'LL STILL HAVE PROBLEMS…

  29. Bukky if all men go fuck them selves as u said , who go marry u , check am na ? u better go get deliverance darling !

  30. Women are just very silly!dis is a good write up… I'm sure it he had written "50 types of guys u should not date" there would not have been a problem! Every girl that has said anything negative here belongs to at least 2 or more from d lists! The sad thing is that they don't seem to see anything wrong in what they are doing! So leave Jide lone.. He's free to write anything he so desires! And BUKKY in my opinion is just an ass, u think its a thing of pride? I'm sure u are 19 or 20, by the time u are 45 and still single u now run to church! Asshole! Women are d weaker vessel, but the problem is dey don't wanna accept this obvious fact!

  31. As a married man, i dey miss all d fun o! Fuunt write up and hilarious comments! Bukky is seriously angry o, lols

  32. Drama Queen!!! Pulllzzzz doz ? like d best girls

  33. Drama Queen!!! Pulllzzzz doz ? like d best girls

  34. Jide u'v spoken well but u ommited the homely nd gud gurls. And its nt only ladies dat want 2settle down, men 2also. By d way we v all dz categories in men

  35. Found d 'article' funny tho,LOL. Bt I disagree wit d cheater talk. D fact she cheated on her bf wit u doesn't mean d same wil happen wen u guys start datin. She mite nt hav bin happy in d relationship or was bin abused n found love else whr

  36. Funny enough, as a girl I like this post. It's just simple, boys have issues, doesn't mean we should tag them undatable.. Same goes for gals.. It's still funny sha, I'm number 2 nd abeg date my kind of gal. We are fun to be with 😀 .. But still, guys are the most confused human beings .. Ok, I'm done

  37. Good job Jide. I'm so dead if she comes back here.

  38. I'm so dead if she comes back here.

  39. Looks like Bukky could safely be classified under category No. 2 even though she's trying to throw us off by claiming all the qualities. I am worried about the implication of my statement when she reads this.

  40. Jide tnx a lot,but please can u tell ladies what to do to please guys,bc it seems men are never satisfied.

  41. Jide and all his followers should go and fuck demselves, am a lady and I haff all 8qualites. U can kill urself if its annoying u so much. Nonsense

  42. Wow,there is nothing wrong with these article,i mean there are many write up on guyz and you dont see or hear them complain,why just this one every girl is complaining,this is suppose to help us change our personality,incase we fall into any any of these categories,so please stop the hateing…..smilies

  43. Spot on Jide! I'm No.3 *covers face* Just being honest…but what can a girl do, some of u guys drive us insane.

  44. Trust the Women to come out like an angry village Mob with their torches and Pitch forks.

  45. nice write up.

    But let us all know that you cannever get a perfect person for urself. It is from that imperfect person that u make her perfect according to what you want her to be. If we are saying we want the perfect woman, hnmmmm. Time is running out cos no one on earth is perfect. . . If you support this just reach me on facebook http://www.facebook.com/mayowaoluwafemi

  46. Ladies pls enough with d melodrama…Jide is right joor and the article says "8 women u should never date" doesn't say those are d only kinds of women available.. There are many women who don't fall into those categories so let's be truthful 2 ourselves and work on our selves

  47. sterotyping ladies? Not good at all Jide, ladies make life and love fun and i guess you have been using a coloured lens to view us surely you don't want to have only computer-made jide- cloned ladies around do you?

  48. A beautiful piece here! Not all girls fall into dis categories… Tho they are d commonest! It's a brilliant write up! All facts. If I were a guy I wouldn't date any of numbers 1 – 7, but seriously most of dis guys are not any better… Just d masculine versions of barbie et al.. Empty brains, just swags..

  49. I'll take no 8 anyday without d tanktop d law will understand considering…

  50. DUH..

    Guys are talked about all the time, in magazines, blogs et al, yet we're not expected to talk about ladies and what we think about them? *duh duh ri duh*

    (10 Guys You Shouldn't Date)

    (20 Type of Guys)

    Forgetting that ladies are equally humans, have flaws and guys should equally know what they are getting into before they do.

    Make we guys self know the kind of ladies wey we suppose no date. Haba.

    Abegi. Make una swallow una pride jare.

    *askor*

  51. looooooooooool

  52. DUH..

    Guys are talked about all the time, in magazines, blogs et al, yet we're not expected to talk about ladies and what we think about them? *duh duh ri duh*

    (10 Guys You Shouldn't Date)

    (20 Type of Guys) Bla di Bla di Bla….

    Forgetting that ladies are equally humans, have flaws and guys should equally know what they are getting into before they do.

    Make we guys self know the kind of ladies wey we suppose no date. Haba.

    Abegi. Make una swallow una pride jare.

    *askor*

  53. Nawa ooo,u love too much,ure protective,u love ur face too much,ure a barbie,u go 4 parties,u b club chief,u r ready to marry,dem say slow down…*sigh* I taya o,men can't b pleased o

  54. Believe you me, I've seen and tasted all eight to my merry heart's content, and most time, dis-content.

    I like Aunty Number 6 better than six others. Dating is a game you only win when you cheat. But I am more at home with Sistah Number 8: what laws are there against loving your neighbour's daughter. That law has to be an ass.

    This is the conclusion of the matter, that you "fear God and keep his commandments": such commandments as "love your neighbour… ) And stick to the number that works for you.

  55. Blah! Blah! Blah!

    There's nothing fantastic about this write,

    Guys know this already, you're just stating the obvious.

  56. I totally agree with the write-up, expecting the 8 types of women you must date tho

  57. Jide thanks for the write up! Ladies should check demselves and work hard changing if they fall in any category but truth be told, you will find an element of each in every woman! Peace

  58. It seems to me that u don't have a sister or even a mother cos if u do,u won't pick up ur pen and write such a stupid article about ladies. Just in case u don't know,most ladies have some of the various characters in them. I hope u get married to a goat and not a lady

  59. Ladies should just b wise and have their own plans at all times. There is no stereotyped way of doing these things.

  60. Which is so funny, the article or the comments? I see the comments confirms No 1- 4. Jide nice write-up

  61. Nice post. I won't be all feminist and deny this,but there are some of us you just cannot carefully compartmentalise and put a label on.

  62. By d way, Jide is only trying τ̅☺ help †ђξ lay man n he said it. ¶ A̶̲̥̅̊♏ not lay n ¶'m practical τ̅☺ d core so ¶ can date any of number1 τ̅☺ 7 for different reasons. Ladies, it's a free world, just know d price tag attached τ̅☺ d card ​U̶̲̥̅̊ choose τ̅☺ play. Life τ̅☺ short, so enjoy it

  63. People should read again b4 bringing i̶̲̥̅̊n̶̲̥̅̊ sentiments. ¶ agree with you, Jide. ¶ know quite enough about ladies n ¶ totally concur with ur analysis. ¶ also know some good girls who don't belong into †ђξ 8 categories. Here is my word: instead of being defensive, why not work on ur personality, if ​U̶̲̥̅̊ fall among d 8 ladies. ​U̶̲̥̅̊'re also free τ̅☺ come up with 100 men ladies should not date. Lol

  64. Evry body has a blak spot if u meet a lady wif numba 1 to 8, deleat d best u can n live wit d rest… I gues dat is wat datin means; being frndz n loving each oda in a dis understandin is d word. I bet u, ur curent babe get 2 or more among d 8… *fact* am no profet.

  65. Sorry, but men are just an un-pleasable bunch

  66. If i care i become possesive/obse. N if i dnt i become barbie. Na wa o

  67. Mr Know it all, yeah when u finish selecting let us know when u are 45 and cynical man,

  68. silly little boy … how old are you sef? 23? 24? Don't worry you go soon learn.

  69. U guys should leave this guy alone….these are facts not truth….so i dont expect anybody to take tins personal here …peace

  70. Ddis is one sided. Wat of '8 men you should never date. Never'

  71. while reading this i was so sure the ladies are going to be so defensive. But the article is very true and on point. it just goes to show that we female gender are not logical being (yes, we are not) but emotional one.

  72. Great post.. Guys should put number 8 to practice more. Lol!!

  73. When you eventually find "miss perfect", guy don't complain o.

  74. My interest is nø 4, it is serious and one everyone must take seriously.. Lately, most girls don't wanna date anymore or explore love, they just wanna marry.. I respect their intentions considering the differences on our biological clock, scarcity of good men with good jobs and our different attitude towards marriage especially at a particular age with the more men becoming scared or rather unready for the institution as the years go by… but I think a thin line could be explored just for love without thinking about the future yet, yet hoping that somehow both might be a part of the others future.. I mean, love and relationship without pressure.

    For nø 8, if the girl fine and sabi cook, omo bone that thing. Na naija we dey o, i'll be patient with the physical stuff sha till when it is right *winks*

    1. we understand u want to explore try the ones in thier early tin and 20s, dont explore with a chick who wants to settle down , since u know ur biological clock and hers aint the same chikina

  75. Let's lighten up and see the lighter part of life jor. But Stella, you wicked! See as you finish me… Chei! Daramola, how can I reach you? I never turn down a free writing lesson. Seriously.

  76. I believe Every woman falls into one of these categories,which one do we date?Pls tell us.

  77. well, with all your "women flaws" lined up, it looks like you are going to have to settle for/with another man!

  78. Yeah Jide,who's date-able? Since u seem 2 knw all abt d illogical creatures (•͡˘˛˘ •͡)
    .btw,u shld write abt guys too

  79. this isn't impressive. it reads like he is in a hurry to finish a school project. so what really is d point here? we already know this nah. very cliche. do some creative research next time. and for your info, women have been the butt of jokes for eternity, so what exaclty are you bringing to d table that is new?

  80. What the heck do u mean by 'women are not logical creatures'? You male-chauvinistic sexist! *side-eye*

Leave a reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail