by Anna Karimo

When you lust for someone you want to see them because you are attracted to them but don’t care enough to really get to know them.

In the beginning when two people fall in love, or as I call it New Relationship Energy or NRE, people are so happy to please someone else they will do anything for that person. You know what I’m talking about; Chris Rock calls it “Representative.” Smart people like you who read about dating and relationships know about NRE and how to handle it when it disappears as this often occurs at different times for each person.Couples who do not take the time to learn about dating often break up when the NRE begins to fade for one person.

Here are 5 reasons why you break up:

1. You had lust for each other and not love.

Lust can only last for so long. It is sexual chemistry that does not provide the groundwork for a lasting relationship. When you lust for someone you want to see them because you are attracted to them but don’t care enough to really get to know them. The person you love you want to get to know.

2. You only had chemistry as friends and confused that with romantic love.

You started dating and you had a great time as friends, but the romance wasn’t there and eventually you broke up. There are many sexless relationships that started as friendships. You need to be aware that there is a difference between chemistry with a great friend and romantic love.

3. You created a story of exactly what love, dating and relationships should look like but failed to realize that no one will have a picture or story just like yours.

There’s nothing wrong with your picture, but you have to understand that no one will have the exact same one. You did not negotiate what works for both of you and in turn were disappointed. Did you even talk about what you want?! You’d be surprised at how much you can get if you know and meet your partner’s needs.

4. You focused on the qualities of your partner instead of the qualities of your relationship.

If you had to choose between great qualities in a person and a bad relationship or a person with OK qualities and a great relationship, it’s really a no-brainer. Just think of your friends, you don’t care about their qualities it’s all about your relationship. All of my private clients had to prioritize their top 3 relationship qualities and had to let everything else go, you just cannot have everything.

5. One or both of you took your love for granted.

After the NRE wears off and you lose the push to please your partner and prioritize their needs you stop treating them well. During NRE you create habits that you have to be more careful to maintain. Remember in the beginning when you brought a girl flowers just because or you cooked him his favorite dinner because you know he had a long day, you have to consciously keep this up.

If you broke up because of reasons 1 or 2 it really wasn’t meant to be, but if you broke up because of reasons 3, 4 or 5 I’m glad you’re reading this so you won’t make these mistakes again. Losing NRE is the most common reason couples break up. Next time one or both of you have fading NRE make sure to communicate your needs, negotiate with your partner and keep treating them well. Don’t lose love because of fading NRE.

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Read this article in Your Tango

 

 

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