by Abiodun Agbalaya
Nathaniel quickly sprang to his feet. He loosened the amulet to retie it as he suspected the stuff wasn’t properly tied as the Omupo herbalist instructed. After this, he lifted his left leg and started limping on the right as he made a move to leave the cubicle – with the polythene containing the stacks of cash.
This was going to be the most important day of his life. If things went well, even Dangote would have to work not only very hard, but extra hard to catch up with him. He was going to be very rich. Stupendously rich.
Nathaniel was at the entrance of a Bank at Allen Avenue and he imagined the amount of money that could be in the Bank’s vault at that moment. Every single naira note in the vault was going to be his. Maybe some coins too. And some dollar bills; United States Dollars.
The only limiting factor was the fact that he would not get a car huge enough to cart away the money, his money. Not like he had a car of his own yet, but he had a bike man that was already waiting at the car park to do the job. He would have entered with many Ghana-must-go bags but he didn’t want anyone to suspect his motive yet, so a polythene bag would do for now. He would be back with a truck to do the real thing. He would have done the damage before the Bank discovered what hit them.
He had checked the internet to confirm the current price of a G-Wagon since it seemed that was the only car Naija celebs now buy. They stopped buying Range Rover Sport after Mr. Aye Dee did the thing to Linda Ikeji, and she almost lost the blog she had worked hard to build. The whole incident happened after Linda told the whole world about her Range. There was even an artiste who crashed his Range the week it was bought – Was it Oritshafemi? Pasuma was robbed of his own Range too. Nathaniel wasn’t going to buy a car that would lead to his downfall. No way!
As he moved close to the entrance of the Bank, he observed the way the security guards were hailing different customers moving in and out of the Bank. He discovered that a man who was garbed in the Yoruba agbada traditional attire was properly greeted by the guards while they failed to acknowledge his own presence. Fools!
“By the time I return here tomorrow, you idiots will know how to greet a rich man” He thought in his mind as the electronic door opened and Nathaniel made his way in.
He was a tad scared as he moved through the door. Luckily, the door failed to detect his weapon just as he was promised by the provider. To him, this was the most important part of the operation. If he could enter with it without being detected, his operation was already a success – a very big one.
There were numerous customers there doing different transactions. Some were there to make deposits, some to make withdrawals while some appeared not to be certain of what their mission was.
As Nathaniel moved towards a cashier, a boy who appeared to be closer to 20 than 25 years bumped into him rudely. The boy whose jeans trouser barely covered his buttocks, walked on without offering an apology.
Nathaniel was sure the boy was a Yahoo boy who was only in the Bank to withdraw whatever his latest Maga must have paid. He wanted to draw him back to give him some good beating but he decided against that.
“Today is the day that the Lord has made. I won’t allow this idiot to distract me.”
***
Earlier that day…
Nathaniel woke up a sad and angry man. Professor Attahiru Jega, the Chairman of INEC, had announced over the weekend that the Presidential election had been shifted by 6 weeks. Many Nigerians, including Nathaniel, were angered by this announcement. The February 14 election was a very perfect cover for him to escape Valentine costs. Due to the election, it was not going to be practicable for him to take Kemi out on Val’s day – and they already agreed that there was not going to be any hanging out.
With the announcement, Nathaniel had to make sure money was available before Friday to enable him buy a Val gift and give his babe a delightful treat. His last girlfriend was snatched during the last Val because a smart guy – maybe not so smart asides from the fact that he had money – bought her a Blackberry phone. Not like Nathaniel was stingy with girls but he had no money. He had been jobless since he left the Polytechnic and finished his NYSC service 3 years ago.
He had spent the previous weeks ‘researching’ on how he could make it big and he made a great discovery. It was at Omupo, an Igbomina town in Kwara State.
***
He brought out his weapon from the pocket to start the operation. The weapon was an amulet which he tied round his waist. The objective of this was that no one, apart from God, and maybe his angels, would be able to see him while he moved around. Well, maybe the devil too.
He had tested it the week before when he travelled to the town of Omupo, Kwara state, to obtain it.
He moved quickly towards the counter and scaled it to gain access into a cashier’s cubicle. The cashier, who just placed down a large amount of notes she retrieved from the vault to enable her pay customers, was busy talking with a customer across the cubicle who was flirting with her.
Nathaniel quickly brought out the polythene bag from his jeans and immediately went to work. He started packing the bundles of N500.00 notes into the nylon. As he continued stuffing the money, he began to think about the limitless opportunities waiting him. He was convinced he was going to be the richest man in the world soon. Really, all he had to do to be richer than Dangote was for him to go pack all of Dangote’s money without being caught. Then pack more money elsewhere. Shikena!
Any girl that did shakara for him, all he needed to deal with her was to use this weapon and enter the babe’s bathroom without being noticed to take her picture. He would go ahead to blackmail such babe into having a relationship with her that way.
As these thoughts flashed through his mind, he couldn’t stop smiling while filling the polythene bag with money. When the bag was almost filled and there was still so much left, he discovered that the N500.00 notes he had packed would only waste space. He decided to throw the bundles of money he already packed on the floor and he started packing bundles of N1,000.00 notes instead.
Something suddenly struck him.
What if a few other people in Nigeria had this same weapon? How possible was it that all monies found to be missing from the government coffers in Nigeria were not being taken away in operations like the one he was doing?
He was sure something similar must have happened to the $20 Billion that Sanusi Lamido Sanusi said was missing at NNPC, and Nigerians were abusing the government.
Ignorant lots!
He was sure Nigerians would have reasons to shout about more missing monies in the coming weeks as he was going to gain entrance into the vault of the Central Bank of Nigeria.
He had gone midway into the filling of the bag with bundles of N1,000 notes when his phone rang. The sound from the phone jolted him and he quickly picked as he wasn’t sure if his weapon of mass destruction, sorry, disappearance, would cover the sound.
“Ayo, abeg call me back. I dey very busy now.” He said as he picked the call with his right hand while holding the polythene bag with the left.
He quickly returned the phone into the back pocket of his jeans trouser to enable him resume work.
Without any warning, something suddenly struck him at the back of the head and the force threw him into the wall behind the cubicle. He plunged over the pile of cash on the floor and he was facing what looked like a crowd. He wasn’t sure if what was used to strike him was not metal but he would have found some comfort if he knew that the Police man who struck him only used his hand.
He rubbed the back of his head with his palm and was a bit relieved that blood wasn’t coming out. He wiped his face with his right palm to be sure of what was happening. At that point, he knew he had been caught and he was shocked. His shock would have been more only if he knew that people had gathered behind him for the past 5 minutes watching him make a fool of himself. Was it the phone call he received that sold him out?
The Chief internal security guard on duty had stepped out to bring in policemen attached to the Bank’s bullion van and everyone couldn’t believe that someone could be so brave – or foolish, depending on how you see it.
Nathaniel quickly sprang to his feet. He loosened the amulet to retie it as he suspected the stuff wasn’t properly tied as the Omupo herbalist instructed. After this, he lifted his left leg and started limping on the right as he made a move to leave the cubicle – with the polythene containing the stacks of cash. That didn’t seem to work as the cashier in the cubicle rushed him. Several slaps, some punches and more slaps landed on his face. He was saved by people who dragged the babe back from him only for about 5 other people to descend on him.
He was even tempted to beg them to allow the babe return because the new beating was like jumping from the frying pan into fire. More policemen arrived and they immediately took him away from the beating…for more beating. For the leader of the policemen, he recently returned to work after spending several months away from work because he was shot at close range by an armed robber.
“What do you think you are doing, you fool?!” The Police officer shouted at Nathaniel as he held him by his jeans trousers.
“But, you people can’t see me na. You shouldn’t see me!”
The Police officer responded with the butt of his gun. The gun hit Nathaniel’s shoulder and it appeared there was a dislocation.
“Mo gbe o! Baba Omupo has spoilt my life. Ogun ofe ti lana o”
“I’m finished. Baba Omupo’s amulet has failed me!”
That was when he remembered the story of the carpenter at Ife who tested a local bullet proof amulet by telling his friend to shoot at him. The dude didn’t survive the shot.
He was dragged towards the door and only one policeman could go through the door with him, hence, many officers were still inside by the time he was dragged outside.
“But Baba tested this jazz and it worked” Nathaniel thought to himself.
Seeing that this was his last opportunity to escape, he gave the policeman a head butt and he took to his heels. Just before he did that, his eyes locked with those of Kemi, his girlfriend who was just about to cross the road towards the bank entrance. His escape was more important that any girl now. He continued running.
As he took off, the policeman recovered and he raised his riffle to take a shot.
***
Abiodun Agbalaya. I am @SagaySagay on twitter.
