Aderonke Adebanjo: It ain’t easy being a man!

by Aderonke Adebanjo
Nope, it wasn’t a typo. I actually did say “it ain’t easy being a man”. We all know it ain’t easy being a woman either but no need to go there—for now. I actually feel sorry for guys and I’ll tell you why. They have a lot of responsibility when it comes to relationships. Not to say women don’t either but hear me out 🙂 Guys, have to chase, woo, “conquer”, make the first move, pay for dinner, be the head of the home, always appear strong, be the breadwinner, and so on. This can’t be easy for anyone mentally. The thought that you gotta do all (ok, most of) the work to get into a relationship and keep the relationship must be hard sometimes. I’m not complaining about that though and I’m not saying women don’t do anything. It just seems like the pressure on guys to be macho, strong, provide, etc. must take its toll. I imagine that sometimes guys just want to break down and cry but they don’t for fear of appearing weak. No wonder guys need “guy time”. I don’t think they talk about this mushy stuff when they get together (or do they?) but at least it gives them an escape. So ladies when he says he needs some “guy time”, let him have it!


I can’t remember where I heard this quote but it has stayed with me: “If he likes you, you’ll know. If he doesn’t, you’ll be confused”. I totally agree! I believe when a guy likes a girl, he goes all out to show it, as should be the case. That’s if he REALLY likes her cos he wouldn’t want to lose her to some other guy. One of my guy friends doesn’t agree though. He said it doesn’t always work that way. His argument is that it doesn’t make sense for the woman to expect the guy to always do all the work. He says if a girl likes a guy, why doesn’t she also just come out and say it instead of waiting for him to say it  first *surprised look* (Let me just say, if he was chasing me, he would wait forever! Lol). There are some brave sistas though who would do just that (this is the 21st Century afterall) but you still have some old-school sistas like yours truly who will WAIT. Wait till he musters up enough courage to say something while trying to give him as much green light as is necessary. From my friend’s point of view, it’s not fair for women to give guys all the work and to some extent when we do give them all the work, that makes me feel sorry for them. Lol.
Now, post the chase, guys gotta do the right things to keep the woman and they’re also expected to be the man all the time – have all the answers, be strong always, never appear weak, have money always, etc. This is part of the reason why I think a lot of guys can’t express emotion and cry for example. I remember when we talked about what women want men to know, one of the women said she wants men to know that it’s ok to cry and I agree. It really is. Women cry all the time, even the “ugly” cry so can’t men cry? It will probably never happen with some guys because society has said “men don’t cry”. Not fair if you ask me. I remember a guy asking me to think hard about how I would feel if I saw my man crying. He’s human! Why shouldn’t he cry?? There’s also the whole breadwinner thing. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that the man is the head of the home and he is expected to take care of his family and he probably wants to (right guys?) so maybe I shouldn’t feel sorry for y’all in that regard but I just feel like maybe the pressure can be a bit much. Isn’t it ok for a guy to not always have all the money and his wife help out sometimes (ladies, don’t shout). Kinda like what I was saying when we talked about if a woman makes more than her man. Isn’t marriage a partnership of sorts? 
Ok, I’ll give it a rest but guys, DO NOT get me wrong! Keep up the good work. Hehe. For the sake of us old-school sistas, keep the “chase” alive! Don’t wait for us to say anything. LOL. I have just come to realize that when it comes to being “the man” all the time and the overall concept of who and what a man should be, it ain’t easy being a man! **Wait a minute, guys, did I just call an unnecessary pity party for y’all? That wasn’t my intention. Lol**

Ladies, any thoughts on this?


About the author: Aderonke is a radio and television broadcaster, singer, songwriter, poet, lover of LOVE a.k.a. hopeful romantic(!), and daughter of God. She enjoys good conversation and has a great laugh. You can catch her on Smooth 98.1FM and on Twitter @aderonkehiica. For more on her views on relationships, read her blog The Love Chest.


Editor’s note: Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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