by Isi Esene
There’s no doubt that Nollywood is already an established global phenomenon with fans of all races addicted to the faces of movie stars like Genevieve, Mercy Johnson, Tonto Dikeh and many other actors.
But you can’t watch a Nollywood flick without having one or two questions to throw at the apparently sloppy producers who think nothing of sacrificing quality on the altar of production speed or cost.
We have compiled these questions hoping someone in the know will be so kind to supply the answers.
1. How can a ghost look left and right before crossing the road? ‘Dem dey fear accident?’
2. Why does the TV go off by itself after the ‘breaking news’?
3. Why do all native doctors paint one eye?
4. Why must every advert Start with a loud scream?
5. Why must every juju part be represented by lightening and thunder under the bright sunlight?
6. Why do Nigerian movies always have part one to five?
7. How can Segun Arinze be Ramsey Noah’s dad… Any resemblance?
8. Why will a blind mother say, “I’m happy to see you my son”?
9. Why is Jim Iyke always coming back from America and speaking with a fake British accent?
10. When will Pastor Ajidara stop being a fake pastor?
11. Why is it that the characters die or run mad immediately after their confessions?
12. Which evil woman washed pant inside soup that Tony Umez ate and became the god of Nollywood imbeciles?
13. Epic Village Movie Set in the 90s still finds Mercy Johnson with Brazilian hair, how come?
14. How can N2bn fit into a small Ghana-Must-Go bag?
15. Must all hired assassins be found in uncompleted or abandoned buildings? ‘Na dem papa house?’
16. Why must a film have Part 1,2, 3; Return of The Film 1,2 and 3; and The Same Film ‘Reloaded’ 1,2 and 3? WHY!?
17. Will a Yoruba movie ever be complete without a visit to the ‘Baba’?
18. Study: 9 out of 10 times, Olu Jacobs dies of heart attack in Nollywood movies, why?
19. “15 years ago” and Ini Edo calls her Boyfriend with a Bold 5..=D
How is this possible?
20. Why will the parents call their child 3 times and ask him/her how many time did I callyou? ‘Dem no sabi count?’
21. When poor people come to Lagos to struggle they always make it, if na so why poor people still dey Lagos?
22. Why is it that Ogogo is always innocent but must be a victim of circumstances?
23. Who translates Yoruba films without studying English e.g “My wife is a pregnancy and she go borned the pikin soonest recofa”=))
Hope you had a good laugh? Have a nice Sunday.