God designed marriage for completeness, that is, to help us fulfil our goals and potentials (Gen 2: 18), as well as for companionship, fruitfulness, enjoyment, protection, and to typify Christ and the Church. However, He has given you a choice to determine who to marry (Prov. 18:22). Chemistry is a very important pointer towards making that choice.
Chemistry is a much talked about subject in many circles. Chemistry can be identified between friends, in relationships, and even in business. People talk about a ‘spark’, ‘a feeling’, or ‘a knowing’ that happens when you meet someone. There are a lot of opinions regarding the subject of chemistry and how much of it is needed to ensure relationship and marriage success. There are equally as many questions regarding Chemistry, such as, “How do I know if there is chemistry between us?”, “how tangible is Chemistry?”, etc.
Our discussion today focuses on defining and analyzing chemistry and how we can use this knowledge to achieve healthy relationships, marriages and associations.
DISCUSSION
What is Chemistry? How does it differ from compatibility and attraction?
Chemistry occurs at different levels. Can you identify with the different types of chemistry and give examples?
ANSWERS (Do not disclose this to the group yet. Just note their answers)
Emotional Level
Spiritual Level
Physical Level
Intellectual Level
How important is it to share all FOUR levels of chemistry with that special person, or is one or two levels enough?
How can you determine if there is chemistry between you and someone who you are looking to enter into a relationship with?
Chemistry is important because a man and a woman expected to function in different levels in a marriage:
Emotional Level: Eccl. 4:9; Romans 12:10 (Support, Encouragement, Teamwork, Deep Friendship, Shared Commonalities, Philios)
Spiritual Level: 1 Pet. 3:7, Matt. 18:19 (The Power of Agreement, Belief System, Commitment, Agape)
Intellectual/Mental Level: Amos 3:3 (Synergy, conflict and issues resolution, cooperation, multiple capacity for success)
Physical Level: Physical and sexual attraction to one another (Eros, Passion, Romance). Self-control is expected when it comes to this level of chemistry (1 Corin 7: 8-9). Sex outside of marriage is a sin.
Conclusion
Chemistry has been defined as how compatible people are with each other. Chemistry also has to be reciprocal. An individual partner’s traits are not nearly as important as how well both partners’ traits mesh with each other’s. All chemistry says is “This individual is worth a second look”. The choice is now yours to make whether you want to go ahead and commit to nurturing that initial spark and growing it into a loving relationship and marriage.
However, the timing has to be right (Eccl. 3:1). As Christians, we need to depend on the Holy Spirit to direct our paths (Proverbs 3:6). What is instructive is to spend time getting to know the other person, and seek pastoral guidance before entering into a relationship.
