by Cheryl T.
The other woman is not really the issue between you two, but part of his solution to the problem he has been experiencing with you.
There comes a time in everyone’s life when they have to fight for what they want and need. And, unfortunately sometimes this includes the love of our partner. And, while love is free-we can be choosy as to whom we want to give our love to. Also, the right conditions must be met in order for love to grow and last. Maybe someone else has gotten their claws into your partner. But, if you love each other and the relationship was pretty solid outside of a few issues that can be worked out-there are some things you can do to get him back before it’s too late.
Have a discussion
If he will agree, pick a nice, quiet spot to talk to your mate about the relationship. Allow him to tell you what he feels is lacking in the relationship and how he feels about you without cutting him off. Then, let him know how you have been feeling and what you think went wrong. Avoid blaming him for what has happened. It takes two people to destroy a relationship. Don’t argue with him or call him out of his name. And, resist putting down the other woman. He may be very upset right now and he doesn’t have to hear you out. The other woman is not really the issue between you two, but part of his solution to the problem he has been experiencing with you. Find out how he feels about the other woman and how long they have been seeing each other. If he is in love with her or so it seems, you probably will be better off moving on with your life. The stronger his feelings for her, the less emotional involvement he has with you. If you live together, he needs to move out of the house until he figures out what he wants to do about the relationships future.
Avoid revenge tactics
You want or need something from someone and at this time they are unwilling to give it to you. This may be driving you crazy, but you have to use tact when dealing with your ex. Don’t cut up his clothes before he can move them out of the house. Resist calling the new woman to tell her what a slut she is. Don’t threaten to sleep with someone else in an effort to make him jealous. And, don’t issue him an ultimatum hoping it will force him to come back. Quite the contrary-you will only push him further away. It will also help prove to him that you are not someone he needs to be with.
Don’t play games
Your ex will only think you are desperate and needy. It will also help to destroy any chemistry that still exists between you two. Suicide attempts want work. Neither will behaving as if nothing has happened between you. The relationship will never be the same. You can only start over or say good bye. And, you definitely don’t want to behave as if the new woman’s presence in his life doesn’t mean anything. Three’s a crowd and it always has been.
Don’t continue to have sex with your ex
If your ex can continue to spend time and have sex with you, he may discount the relationship. He may not see any reason to get rid of the other woman and get back with you. Furthermore, if he can have his way with both of you, he may not feel he needs a relationship at all.
Life goes on
You should not be sitting by the telephone when your ex calls. Don’t turn down dates just because your ex may change his mind about getting back with you. He can sense that you are waiting for him and feel it’s not important to talk to you are see your face. Men enjoy challenges. And this includes a woman who is hard- to- get- not someone that just pretends that she is. Men can tell the difference. He will be more attracted to you if he knows you are out and about, doing things for yourself, and that you have other options.
Once you get back together
Once you get back with your partner, make sure that he has broken things off with the other woman. Discuss what you can both realistically expect from each other. Make your wants and needs known before moving any further. And, enjoy being together.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.