by Lara Kudayisi-Emeralds
Last year you were younger and therefore wanted to play; this is a new year and you should start it off by thinking long and hard about committing to that special person you love.
It’s a new year and there are lots of expectations in the air. People make plenty resolutions hoping to right the wrong of the previous year. Maybe you were cheated on, duped or dumped last year, this is the time to put those things in the past and take a turn for the better. You are not in the wrong if you prayed for more money, a better job, a better life, good health and a better partner or relationship as he case may be. You need to take practical steps to make these things come to reality and not just sitting down wishing for them while you keep making the same mistakes you made in the past. Like Zig Ziglar said: doing the same things and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.
Mistakes to Avoid
1. Playing a Second Fiddle: Many people loved last year with so much passion and vigour, this in itself is a beautiful thing only that the love was not reciprocated in the same vein. They were the second option for someone who wants to eat his/her cake and have it. They came second to other things or people in their partner’s lives. The joy of being in a relationship is when you are an important priority to your lover. If you were a second fiddle last year, now is the time to smart up and refuse to be the other person any longer.
2. Living in the Past: The past is gone; please move on to other things. There are some people who have hurt you in times past and this has kept you on a spot where you just couldn’t allow yourself to love again or open up to something fresh and new. If this was your attitude last year, now is the time to get out of that bondage. You will never make considerable progress this way as the past should be where it belongs; the past! Picture yourself like a stem that was erstwhile cut down and on account of receiving rain and sunlight, hope was birthed and it began to bud again with new and better flowers.
3. Pushing off Commitment: Last year you were younger and therefore wanted to play; this is a new year and you should start it off by thinking long and hard about committing to that special person you love. Consequently, if you have been pushing for commitment and have been rejected or put on hold, then you really need to sit down and examine if you are in the right relationship or you should begin to seek for another.
4. Unrealistic Expectations: Looking for a perfect spouse or waiting for an incredible love story are quite unrealistic expectations. The sooner you accept that human beings are work in progress and not perfect in nature, the better for you. Look for important values like trustworthiness, honesty, selflessness and Love instead of tangible things like money, good looks and so on. Marriage is about two imperfect people growing together to build a better life and doing great things. Be careful about being unrealistic in your expectations.
5. Not knowing what you want: This is one of the greatest dilemmas a human being can be in. You need to know what you want and decide to stay with it. If you found it so hard to make a choice last year because you do not know exactly what you want, then you need to improve on that this New Year. Like I earlier explained, you can’t get a complete package in one human being. If you did, then the person is no longer a human being but an angel. Besides, relationships are about helping each other get better in life. Sit down this New Year and make a realistic list of what you want in a partner and make sure you stick to it.
6. Being Unfaithful: Some people were unfaithful last year because of material gains or just for the fun of it. This year should not be the same if you are expecting to have a good marriage. Marriage is about having one partner for life and sticking to it. If this is a problem for you then you may really not be ready for that life Institution. Faithfulness is a virtue that should be consciously developed with all seriousness as the lack of it could spell disaster in relationships.
Having a better love life depends on you this year not just on circumstances you can’t control. If you made some of these mistakes last year and it probably cost you something or not; be careful to wilfully avoid them this year. Remember, you deserve the best; do not settle for less.
Lara Kudayisi-Emeralds is a seasoned Relationship Strategist who believes that life is about relationships, the rest is details. She is very passionate about the healthy relationships of young people and particularly, the unmarried. As a victim of several heart-rending heartbreaks and neglect, with a child to show for it at an early age, she avidly believes that as a single man or woman, you don’t have to go through hurting relationships and awful treatments in search of true love.
At various speaking engagements and articles published daily on her blog www.shatteredglassng.com as well as other prints, she discusses her experiences in her search for true love as learning grounds for others who seek true love and happiness in their relationships, thereby teaching young men and women various steps and strategies to take or not to in their search. The results she hopes are young men and women who are happy being in growing relationships that lead to marriage and likewise staying happy and fulfilled in their marriages.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.