Compiled by Ifreke Inyang [@Ifreke]
MONDAY: “Good morning Tweethearts,” @memikool tweeted as the new week swung by. “My week starts with a trip to Abuja, Port Harcourt and then I’m back to Lagos this weekend!” @officiallycwazie’s week started on a bad note. “Shet! I hav misplaced my wallet! How do I even move on from this na? Kmt!” he tweeted in frustration. @BATTLETIDE was frustrated by people who updated their bbm dps with pictures of them holding money. His tweet was: “But why will sm1 take a pic cos he is holding money? :s and use it as avi/dp sef?”
TUESDAY: @mimi_ouch felt people that complain about others changing dps and avatars shouldn’t be doing so. In her opinion, they knew what to do. “But serzly tho if some1 is updating too much it’s not supposed to bother u?” she asked rhetorically. “There’s a place u can stop updates on ur bbm..” @kemiadetiba was really loving her followers. “I should plan lunch date with one of my AWESOME followers and supporters. No ‘Negative Nancys’ allowed!!” she tweeted. Manchester United fans weren’t happy as they didn’t get the positive result they wanted from their Champions’ League game. “We whooped Arsenal 9-2, beat Chelsea 3 -1 den draw wiv Basel 3 -3. Nahhhh! Fergie ur selection hasn’t been spot on!” @SamSmoooth fumed.
WEDNESDAY: @oolumiiddee’s anger was with his maid. His tweet was: “Which kind of thing is this now? Today that d hunger wants to rip my stomach open is wen dis yeye house geh burnt d food! Aarghh!” @blackmuks had a date with a girl he met off Facebook and he tweeted: “Make this geh no go over chop for that fast food o! Otherwise na to run leave am dere!” @Mizz_starzz was planning her birthday with plenty to eat and drink. But she tweeted that she didn’t want to see her lecturer there. “If my lecturer turns up at my b’day house party I’ll slam the door in his face! ^_^” she told her followers.
THURSDAY: @princessbisi01 was expecting an alert on her phone and she became restless. “This is like the 25th time I have flashed this geh o! She shud knw that it’s becos of d money she’ll pay in2 my acc na!” @Sal_VaDoR_’s tweet said: “Yes in future Y’all shud vote me as Naija’s President.. I promise to embezzle just 30 billion no more no less.” @PengBoiz couldn’t understand why he was wasting money paying for BIS. “My bbm is actually Dead + I don’t tweet much anymore and I don’t even go on Facebook so wtf I’m I still paying BIS?” he wondered.
FRIDAY: @kkdonjay wondered what people felt about the coming Independence Day. “Nigeria Is 51 Tomorrow…. Are You ‘☺’ OR ‘☹’ ?” he asked in his tweet. @iamkjv was certain that it was nothing compared to what it used to be. He tweeted: “Back in the days we used to look forward to the march before the president or Gov every Oct 1st now all we hear is bomb threat.” @Prodeegy was going to attend a party tomorrow and he called out for people who would love to go with him. “So tomorrow is DUNHiLL’s party?” he announced. “My VIP ticket admits 3 people…who wanna come?” @Kemmiiii wasn’t going to participate in any of the fun. “My mates will be out partying and I’m here cramming Lateral Rectus. Superior Oblique. It must pay off at the end.” She fumed.
SATURDAY: Today was Independence day. @TheDuchess_ was pissed that most people didn’t have any reason to celebrate. “How can you say there is nothing to celebrate???” she questioned in her tweet. “Celebrate not being a white man’s slave! If nothing else, celebrate that!” We are definitely no longer the white man’s slave but the trending topic today was #YouAreNotANigerianIf. @Rookie_Ideh: “#YouAreNotANigerianIf you haven’t put your bread inside milo to enhance the taste.”, @haiyourfwesh: “#YouAreNotaNigerianIf. U haven’t called all insecticides FLIT”, @young2010tunde: “#YouAreNotANigerianIf u haven’t said I dey come…while you are obviously leaving.”
Gbagaun of the week: Have your pick!
@Azeeezah: Good morning citizens of twitsville …an apple a day keeps a doctors away! *eats apple*
@gentleniran: I don’t plan of comitin any sin today
@stalyf: The Nokia N9 Arrives Nigerian Soon
@freshkidprince: @official9jagirl I am also prayed 4 Nigeria
@chakams: Some people tweet so much rubbish they shld be give only 16 characters
@prodigy986: Am scream Dollar bills
@babyfacedweezy: So Nick Cannon now singers….Nice track from Nick
@Jameelaah: OMG IS FLAVOUR DIED? THE ONE THAT SANG NWA BABY?
@Ebiloma: PiersMorgan is a jus hilarious..folow him if u love football
@amujeezy: Wat u need.I gotta it..
@bawsegaga: It’s in the Eyes of a Children…
@iLotanna: I wanna became a rich and famous
@AlchemistXIII: This is tweet is funny.
@feline_eyes: That guys is crazy mehn! LMAO!
@Spagkhalifa: have neva used web to tweet and its sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoy
@RainSegzy: @kkdonjay that is to u, Brandy is one of d best RnB musician ever exist.
@krish_imperial: @zinnygirlie r u not invite in u r BBM
@Herroyalgaganes: If twitter have a Relationship Status, You’re will be _________?
@Seadbari: And I can’t stop aspiring to be a great achievers!!!
@kiki_theGREAT: #LawsMenShouldFollow Don’t cheat on a GOOOD women!
@nemalip: @DONJAZZY don jazzy pls did u once attended FGC Ijanikin pls I need reply oh!
Recommended: Follow @omojuwa and ask for a follow back.
Rant of the week: @ugly4real: What?! Oh no!!! Breast feeding inside bank, wtf?!!! See stretch marks. Lord why me? *spits on counter*
Tweet of the week: @toluogunlesi: See fashion statement. Okada man has two Vicks inhalers dangling from his nostrils. ‘Vicks by Dre’?
Retweet of the week: @gbemisolaaa tweeted and asked: “Where can I buy hot akara this morning?”, @blk9jadude retweeted and said: “Check at KFC!”
Seriously tweeting: @walegates: £150,000 a week and you refuse to come in as a sub. Saying you upset??? #tevez U deserve a proper Nigerian hot slap!
SUBstance: @hunnie_dropz: So dis one dt is owing me 20k, stil has d guts 2 yarn rubbish abt me*hmmmm….ur days are numbered!d disgrace wuld b heavy
Quote my tweet: @nxtprz: Dear Nigerian Youth, there’s a big difference between being ‘Patriotic’ and being ‘Patronising’. Big difference, big.
Did it you miss this tweet? @GossipGirliee: Hei ma name is Kwaty, interested in meeting a bi-sexual or lesbo in Port Harcourt… Add me on BBM 25E19EBA
Foot Note: Many thanks to @PengBoiz for providing some of the tweets used in this roundup. You can also become a YNaija twicorrespondent too. It’s quite easy. Get funny, witty and interesting tweets from your timelines and send them to me.