by Nick Roy

 

Book? What book? Wake up and ‘smell the internet’ seems to be your general motto. In fact, all the books you have claimed to have read are just their Wikipedia entries. Actually you don’t read books at all. Reading for pleasure is not for everyone, and it’s hard to admit that’s not your scene.

No one is perfect as much as we would like to believe it. And, though our self-portrayal on various social media platforms is well thought of and devoid of any flaws, the reality, however, is a far cry. After all, who wants to know you’re emotionally challenged when you could show them how funny you are (Chandler Bing, anyone?). Seems legit; only that you should be at least aware of your shortcomings, and realizing them is actually the first step to self-improvement.

1. I spend a lot of time watching TV

While the entire office eagerly discusses their well-spent weekend; you’re sitting embarrassed in a corner because you had spent a major chunk of your weekend watching reruns of How I Met Your Mother. Yes, you choose television over everything in your life.

2. I wear what my wife/girlfriend picks out

There are two kinds of relationships. First is the one in which your wife/girlfriend wears the pants in the relationship. Second is the one in which she chooses the pants for you. You, my dear friend, fall in the latter category. And though it’s great that your spouse is your personal stylist, will you ever admit to the power that she has on you?

3. I claim to have read the entire book

Book? What book? Wake up and ‘smell the internet’ seems to be your general motto. In fact, all the books you have claimed to have read are just their Wikipedia entries. Actually you don’t read books at all. Reading for pleasure is not for everyone, and it’s hard to admit that’s not your scene.

4. I’m not that interesting

More often than not; you find yourself surrounded with people who have an unending supply of interesting stories. Hence, it’s normal to think that you’re not interesting whenever you’re with them. The truth, however, is that you probably just need to stop comparing yourself.

5. I envy my best friend

Ah well, jealousy can be a bitch of a feeling. Especially when your friend scores a win in his life, it hurts more. Ask any woman around for validation. They know the feeling a tad better. And confessing that emotion to, say, another buddy or for that matter even yourself, is out of question.

6. I have sneakily checked the inbox of my spouse

We are all guilty of sneaking a quick glance through our spouse’s inbox when they leave their Facebook logged in, or their phone unlocked. Consequently, we’ve also had countless heartbreak. Do we learn from our mistakes? NO. Should we forget and move on? Yes!

7. I have ‘accidentally’ sent a text message to my crush

Yes, we get it. Your thumb slipped, you sent a WhatsApp message, in most cases an image, and it’s a total coincidence that you looked cute in it. It was actually ‘meant for a friend’ and you’re ‘so sorry’ about it. Let’s just say, it’s perfectly believable (not).

8. I have said ‘I Have Plans’ to get out of plans

Saying I have plans to get out of other plans when the only thing you’ve planned is eating pizza from the box and drinking wine from the bottle. Who needs dishes? Who needs shame? No biggie. We’ll cut you some slack.

9. I cry sometimes while watching Rom-Coms

I’m a tough man who never sheds a tear, unless you show me a heartfelt rom-com, then see my crying a river. Titanic, Notting Hill, or PS- I Love You- seen all done that. Sheepish, anyone?

10. I relate to nearly each and every point on this list

And lastly, you’ll never admit to having related to almost all the points on this list. It’s okay. Go on, no one has to know.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.