by Alan Roger Currie
Does his job really require him to work late at night on Thursdays and Fridays or early on Saturdays? There is at least of 50 percent chance that this man is cheating on you.
I met a man not too long ago who told me something interesting about his two young adult daughters. One daughter rarely complains about men — even when she was in high school. This daughter is now engaged to be married. His other daughter, however, is just the opposite. She complains about the men she dates as being “liars”, “jerks” and “dogs” on a monthly, if not weekly, basis.
Why such a difference between two women who grew up in the same household?
Before this gentleman shared his detailed thoughts with me, I already had my own prediction of what his explanation would be. One daughter operated in the reality of men, while the other daughter had delusional fantasies of how men should be. But here’s the reality: men are not the “natural liars.” Rather, women lie to themselves. The number one reason why men frequently and repeatedly lie to women is to help these women maintain their delusional fantasies of the “ideal man.”
Here is what I would categorize as the top ten most frequently repeated lies that men tell to women.
1. “I don’t know why my boss all of the sudden required that I work on Friday nights and Saturdays … but I have to. I promise it won’t last too long.” You have been in a relationship with a guy for a year or two, and most of the time, his work schedule is predictable. Then, all of the sudden, his work schedule becomes “unpredictable.” Does his job really require him to work late at night on Thursdays and Fridays or early on Saturdays? There is at least of 50 percent chance that this man is cheating on you. You can choose to believe he is a “hard worker” all you want, but the reality is, the only thing he is working hard at is pleasing his “other” woman in bed.
2. “Why do I have two cell phones? Well, one is for friends and one is for family, close friends, and business.” Some men genuinely do have a personal mobile phone and a work mobile phone. I’ve had that myself a few times before. That being said, one of the things I always hear lying womanizers brag about is how they will maintain two — even sometimes three — mobile phones so that their “main woman” won’t find out about their “on-the-side” women. For one phone, he will allow you to check his phone records and text messages. For the other phone? No way.
3. “Why do I spend so much time with Michelle? Baby, that is my best (female) friend. I am not having sex with her. I promise.” There is nothing wrong with your boyfriend, fiancé or husband hanging out socially with a good female friend of his from high school or college. If your intuition repeatedly sends you signals that their “friendship” might be a little bit more than platonic, then there is nothing wrong with you asking a handful of probing questions about the history of their friendship.
4. “I know it’s late, but it’s Friday. I just want some company. I am not necessarily just trying to get in your pants.” Anytime a man says, “I am not necessarily trying to get in your pants” … he is trying to get in your pants. When a man “just wants to talk”, he will invite you to have coffee with him in the morning or lunch in the afternoon. If a man wants you to allow him to come over your place late on a Thursday, Friday or Saturday night, there is almost a 100 percent chance that he is going to make a move on you sexually. But realistically, you knew that already, right? Please say you knew that already.
5. “Of course sex wasn’t the only thing on my mind when I first met you. I am not that shallow.” Even when men pretend sex is not on their minds … it is. When a man first makes the acquaintance of a woman of interest, the thing on his mind is exchanging orgasms with that woman at some point in the near or distant future. Your other desirable qualities and non-sexual attributes do not come into play until later. Don’t believe me? Tell a man in a very convincing, believable manner that you are practicing celibacy and abstinence until marriage. See if that man’s attention toward you increases or significantly decreases. If over the next three or four weeks, he is now calling you less and writing you less text messages and e-mail messages … then you know what’s up.
6. “Baby, I don’t know who that woman is who keeps calling my cellphone. I met her at a party once, but beyond that, I have never had a conversation with that woman.” This sounds silly, but I have actually observed women fall for this. A strange woman will continuously call their man and when confronted, he will respond by saying, “I don’t even know who that is.
7. “Baby, you haven’t heard from me because I’m dealing with some stuff.” No, it’s you and him. You know why this happens? Some lying womanizers and cheaters do have a “conscience.” Let’s say a lying womanizer meets you and gives you the misleading impression that he only wants to spend time with you — even though there are three or four other women he has on the side. One day, he might start feeling like, “Wow, I am really playing with this woman’s emotions. I need to quit leading this woman on.” However, he just can’t bring himself to “come clean” with you. So what does he do? He makes himself unavailable and aloof. He’s hoping he can just slowly “fade out” of your life without having to explain anything.
8. “Baby, of course I’m going to marry you someday. I know we’ve been dating for six years, but I am going to propose to you soon.” I have known men to propose to a woman after dating them for five years or even 15 years. I will not go on record as saying that never, ever happens. That being said, the vast majority of men know within the first two to three years of dating a woman if they are going to propose to that woman or not. He may postpone proposing to his woman because he doesn’t feel stable in his career or because he’s wondering if there might be another woman who would be a better match, but it shouldn’t take five or more years to determine if you are “the one.”
9. “Baby, I’m going to break up with my wife/girlfriend soon. She is not the one for me. You’re the one for me.” Reality? There’s almost no chance that you are going to be upgraded to longterm, exclusive status. In my lifetime, I cannot tell you how many women I’ve observed get their hearts broken by a man who was already in a relationship and gave them the impression that they were going to “one day” be elevated to the status of his only woman.
10. “Baby, you know I love you. How could you ever doubt my love for you and how much I care for you?” You want to know why so many women get their hearts broken by men? Among other reasons, because of their “addiction” to hearing these three words: “I love you.”
All womanizers know the quickest way to endear themselves to a woman is to tell her, “I care for you, baby … I love you.” Those three words are like a psychological aphrodisiac for most women.
You need to get out of this trap. You keep falling victim to that trap and you will keep getting dogged out by men. This was one of the problems of the youngest daughter of the guy I spoke of earlier. Most of the guys who had sex with her, and quickly dumped her, would feed her those three magic words. There are two simple ways you can distinguish the “sincere” guys from the liars. Men who are sincerely in love with you do not tell you this right before having sex with you or while having sex with you. They will tell you they love you in a random manner “just because.”
Again, it is your choice to adhere to my advice or ignore it. Do you want to be happy and content like that man’s eldest daughter? Or be constantly hurt and romantically frustrated like that man’s youngest daughter? You decide.
Read this article in Your Tango
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.