June is Men’s Mental Awareness Month. To honour the basis of the month, which is addressing the societal and biological factors affecting the mental health of men, we are discussing ten things Nigerian men are told that are quietly destroying them.
- Men Don’t Cry
One of the most commonly discussed topics in relation to how Nigerian men are raised is that they are told “men don’t cry,” even in emotionally sensitive situations. This belief leads them to suppress their emotions, pain, and depression in an effort to not look weak.
- Men Must Provide
Nigerian men are raised with a “provider” mindset that ties their self-worth to how much they can give financially. The pressure men face to uphold their status as a “provider” ends up causing them harm.
- Men Must Hide Their Pain
Alongside being told that “men don’t cry,” Nigerian men are often raised in an environment that encourages them to hide their pain. Statements like “Man no dey shout” or “Na man you be” in moments of discomfort for men can condition them into never discussing their feelings.
- Be Logical, Not Emotional
Nigerian men are not only raised to see emotions as weakness; they are also raised to believe the only valid emotion is anger. They are taught to be logical in moments of distress, which conditions them to see emotions as beneath them
- Men Don’t Need Therapy
One of the most destructive ways the Nigerian society operates in regard to men is convincing them that therapy is not for men. Mental health issues faced by men are dismissed as financial issues or something only women should be known for; this leads men to go untreated and undiagnosed for years.
- Men Don’t Cook or Clean
Gender roles in Nigerian society do more harm than good for Nigerian men. When these men are raised to depend on women for their domestic needs, they struggle when they no longer have access to a partner or parental figure who can provide them the domestic needs they require. Every adult man should know how to cook food they will eat.
- Men Cannot Be Sexually Abused
A dangerous belief that men are brought up with is that “men cannot be sexually abused.” This belief allows sexual abusers and predators to go unpunished, as men are often too scared to share stories of their abuse for fear of being labelled as “weak.”
- Men Don’t Have Doubts
Men are taught that leadership means absolute certainty. Admitting to not knowing the answer or feeling uncertain is framed as a failure of strength, which stops men from collaborating effectively or asking for necessary guidance.
- Vulnerability Is For Women
Another societal construct that has been destructive in the development of men is how they are raised to believe vulnerability is for women. When they believe vulnerability is for women, they repress their emotions and isolate themselves within their relationships, stopping them from creating deep, authentic bonds with their partners, friends, or family members.
- Men Do Not Have Mental Issues
Alongside the narrative of therapy not being for “real men,” men are taught that mental issues are something only women can relate to. Men are often encouraged to dismiss emotional discussions as “drama” or unnecessary feelings. Men facing depression are considered weak-minded and not confident; the status quo requires men to be confident and of sound mind always, which is why the highest rates of suicide are from men. Silence in the face of mental struggles is encouraged.
What do we think?
It is important that all these narratives be discouraged so that men can live healthier mental lives. Mental health issues plague both men and women, so to attain a level in society where mental illnesses and therapy are seen as a show of strength, society needs to start seeing men as humans who can also be vulnerable.
