by Alexis Garrett Stodghill
On the physical and emotional levels, a guy who will not share just doesn’t want to go too deep. That can be fine for a fling, but it’s not worth making an emotional investment on your part.
No matter what age you are or level of dating experience, reading men’s interest in you can be a struggle. Many men prefer to remain a mystery, opting for privacy in all areas of their lives until they are ready to make a major commitment. God bless the fella who will tell you his intentions up front. But for most men, catching on to their subtle (and not-so-subtle) cues can be an easier way to get their message and avoid unnecessary heartbreak. If you are wondering if your guy is on the fence, but are unsure of whether you should jet, here are 14 telltale signs that he is just not that into you. If anyone you are seeing exhibits a significant number of these traits, it is time to tell him to move along.
1. He takes forever to text or email you back
In this technological age, there is nothing easier than sending someone a quick email or text. If your male companion takes hours — or even days — to respond to these simple forms of communication with even one line of acknowledgment, it’s time to kick him to the curb. This is not only lazy — it’s also rude. He might not be sending you a text message, but he is certainly sending you a clear message of another kind. On to the next one!
2. He maintains physical and emotional distance
Does he often break eye contact, even in private? Or withhold sharing personal details about his life? On the physical and emotional levels, a guy who will not share just doesn’t want to go too deep. That can be fine for a fling, but it’s not worth making an emotional investment on your part. If you have had your fun, it’s time to move on to brighter horizons.
3. He never comes over to your house
Men don’t like to go out of their way — especially if they are not that into you. A guy who likes you wants to make efforts to show you are special to him. Someone who won’t even drive to your house or take the subway can’t be expected to give much in the long term. There are other top-notch fish in the sea. Trust.
4. He avoids touching you in public
If your guy friend loves to embrace, kiss and cuddle in the privacy of your home, but won’t even hold your hand on the street, this is a major warning sign. Either he doesn’t want to be seen as being “with” you, or he is scared one of his other lovers (or his wife!) will see you out in public. Drop this dude if he won’t even hold your hand.
5. He rudely shoots down your ideas
A guy can disagree with your way of seeing the world and still care. If all he does is disrespectfully disregard your perspective when communicating, he likely doesn’t think much of you. You don’t want to be with someone who can’t treat you nicely, especially when you are simply talking. Next!
6. He only sees you after midnight
It’s hard if you really like someone to open your eyes and admit to yourself that to him, you are a booty call. If you can handle that, more power to you. But don’t expect this relationship to go anywhere. If you want more from a man, it’s time to search elsewhere.
7. He won’t let you leave things at his house
If you are at his place often, a guy who is into you will be happy to let you stow essentials there. But if someone you are frequently dating won’t even let you leave a toothbrush at his house he is either a) an obsessive compulsive neat freak, or b) trying to hide you from other women. In either case, you might want to distance yourself.
8. He attends major events without you
Friend’s house party? Parents’ anniversary dinner? Maybe even his own birthday? Sometimes a man wants to maintain his independence. And at other times he wants to ensure that you don’t get too involved in his life so he can move on any time. If he never wants you around at a time of life that’s meaningful, you don’t mean that much to him. You also have better ways to spend your time — with family and friends who really care.
9. He refuses to make future plans with you — short- or long-term
Does this guy squeeze you into the corners of his life? Refuse to plan weekends away? Keep his schedule open weeks in advance? If he only makes last-minute plans with you, while cramming in other activities with friends, he is just not that into you. Sorry, but you deserve better.
10. He flakes out on plans you do have at the last minute
This is another clear sign that he does not respect you or your time. Make room in your life for someone who does.
11. He’s already involved with someone else
This man might say he loves you, but if he is seriously involved with another women, he can’t really be giving you his all. He is a man divided, so how into you could he be? Worse, even if he did leave his mate for you, he has lied to her. He will likely lie to you. You don’t want that. Stay strong and carry on to another man.
12. He doesn’t seem that interested in intimacy
If your sex life with dude is little to nothing, he is basically saying that he can do without you. This is rude, frustrating, and a little cruel. You don’t need that. Do what you’ve got to do for you, and find that man who makes you feel desirable.
13. He pulls a disappearing act
When you don’t see a man for days, weeks or months at a time without explanation, he is just not that into you. He might be seeing other people, or simply doesn’t want to spend his time with you. If you aren’t seen as life-enhancing by this man, take the time to find someone who cherishes you. Your time, energy and love are worth it.
14. He encourages you to date other people
This is a sure sign that he wants to be totally free, and is not in a mind to commit himself. You probably won’t change him, so why waste your time? No guy is worth it. You deserve a man who wants to spend quality time with you, and reflects back to you your own self worth. There are people out there who will treat you with loving respect. If your significant other exhibits many of these behaviors, take the hint and resist investing another minute. You deserve the best in life. Keep striving until you find the love you deserve.
Read this article in Madame Noire
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.