The Gist/The Juice/The Absolute Craziness

Ifreke Inyang (@ifreke)

Let’s get right to it people!

Monday: It’s another Monday on Twitter, and as usual, the random expression of thoughts never relents. For @bold_ent, it started on a delicious note: “Lovely Monday morning,” he tweeted. “Watching supernatural and having breakfast in bed.” And @AndreBlaze had to rub it in for those who had to work that morning. “Monday!” He said, “what’s there not to love?! Welcome to the best day in the whole week!” On another side of town, there was @AlhajaSwag, who wasn’t having the best start to the week: “ WTF!!! I don’t need this on a Monday morning.. Baba God!! Please help me keep my cool.” @_Lami was stuck in traffic: “Aaah, the joys of lekki traffic on a Monday morning” and cce comedian Basketmouth had to deal with a petulant “follower”: to @stunna_virus, he said: “do you sincerely think that by talking to me wit so much disrespect will make me follow u back?”

The trending topic was #YouShouldBeScared. @whottboi tweeted: #YouShouldBeScared if ur dad comes home singing pretty boy swag while @stewie_emahh’s tweet said,’ #YouShouldBeScared that your sister derives pleasure by masturbating to a pic of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab. The Tweet of the Day however, was from @SamDeeNaija, who said,’I sent someone to get pizza for us, gave her credit card to use, gave her cash if dem no accept card. B like say she don run away o.’ On Blackberriesa few ranted endlessly about why Big Brother was still keeping Munya in the house.

Tuesday: The focus was work and school; excitement building over the fact of just three working days. On BB, Unilag students pretended to be busy, asking BB contacts not to ping and disturb reading. Even so, they found time to become a topic on Twitter! @adegboyeagatorch: “#OnlyInUnilag you would be chattin wit a babe and she wud b like, ‘wat car do u drive sef?’”, @ThePervNerd: “#OnlyInUnilag that they do trade fairs every week!”, and @ jemolomu wondered: “you’ll pay 10k for schl fees and 300k to stay in a BQ dats smaller than your closet at home!”

Wednesday: @ayenithegreat’s first tweet this morning? “Since today’s Friday, I can rock t-shirt and jeans to work bah?” He wasn’t hallucinating. In case you’re confused, @segundemuren’s tweet explains: “on that note, today is officially d last day of work in Nigeria as we look to a 4-day weekend. Rejuvenate as much as u can!” It was also @gtdaguitarman’s birthday and, er, Twitfam showed him love; @toptosyn was also having a listening gig for her new single ‘Supastar’.

The trending topic was #Don’tArgueJustAcceptIt. @demiladeR had a go: “if you went to QC, you’re a tatafo #Don’tArgueJustAcceptIt”, @lumidizzle: “if your weave is black and the hair I’m seein in front of d weave is mud brown, you haven’t fooled me! #Don’tArgueJustAcceptIt”, @MasterGreen: “#Don’tArgueJustAcceptIt A Nokia E63 or E71 will never be a blackberry!”

Thursday: And so the long weekend started. Trust a holiday to get people moving. @OlamideAdedeji: “Dear hotel room, it’s been a nice experience. 7 days later, I shall now leave you for my house. Thank you.” @ab_kay, however, was leaving his house: “’packin my bags now and going on a journey to find the moon! Party must go on!”

What’s a Muslim festivity without talk of food? @toni_payne was salivating from the thought: “craving some starch and banga soup wit loads of periwinkles. Joor oh!” And @deejayneptunee just wanted some meat: “all my muslim followers, oya start sendin ur addresses…” Well, there must have been some for thebeat999fm, which held its their ’99 day’, with @omawumi @wajemusik @dprincemohits @basket_mouth @peterpsquare there to rock that party!

Friday: The parties and celebrations continue. While the good BB folks were trying to confirm who was Muslim and who was not, @bizzleosikoya was warning everyone against coming to visit: “any one asking for meat will b ignored. Dis is not meat sallah.” @alibabagcfr, though, had an announcement to make: “u want sallah meat? Ok. Let’s meet at motherland in opebi 4 alibaba and 40 gifts dis Sunday from 3pm.” Let’s hope @bayoomisore made it: “pls o! if you killed anytin in ur house today for Ramadan, help a broda. I’m starving!”, he tweeted.

For those whose appetites were for gossip, Mr. and Mrs. Akande (or Mr. and Mrs. 9ice to some) provided more than enough. @ toni_payne and @real9ice began a war of words that still has everyone talking. We couldn’t believe that the usually reticent MTV award winner actually tweeted: “let no one send me any private msg whether u av my number or pin. I jus wanna listen to Toni Payne while she talks. Bring it on!”

@toni_payne thoroughly tongue-lashed 9ice in a continuous stream of heartfelt tweets, and ended with: “That day I will fully understand the type of person I said “I do” to. With that said I’ll finish my ice cream, take a nice warm bath and enjoy me some Africa Magic Yoruba!” Priceless!

Now, who said Twitter is not the place to find news?