by Cheta Nwanze
There are some things that make an impact on you, so you never forget. Each of us has multiple of such incidents in our lives, and we remember the details of those incidents acutely. One such incident happened to me in October 2007. I was in a bus going home from work after working the night shift, and as usual, my portable radio was tuned to LBC. It was the James O’Brien, my favourite presenter, and the topic was Meg Thatcher. They had asked her if she wanted a state funeral when she passed away, and she’d declined, so with her in the know, they were making plans for her funeral. It made a huge impression on me.
One of the things I admire about Western culture is their attitude towards death. In practice, they plan for it. While I lived in the UK, it wasn’t uncommon to see older people putting money aside for their own funeral, so that when it happened, their loved ones left behind would not be put under any undue strain with regards funeral expenses. Writing a Will is one of the things that a forward thinking person can do, to prevent any silliness when he finally goes, and go he must, because all of us must finally get to a day when we will no longer be able to answer to our own names.
Going back to the Meg Thatcher story, the woman finally kicked the bucket five years and a half after I listened to that James O’Brien programme. She was buried 9 days later, in a funeral ceremony that was carried out according to her own instructions. Two weeks before Meg Thatcher packed her bags, a national hero of sorts in Nigeria, Chinua Achebe saw it fit to go and join his ancestors. His mortal remains stayed up for two months and two days, while we got ready for his send-forth.
Excluding the Muslims among us, who have to go to the earth immediately as per the instructions of the Prophet, there is a general tendency in these parts to have chaotic burial plans. Including our Muslims now, there is a general tendency around these parts for the burial ceremonies themselves to be chaotic. In the case of Onye Nkuzi, some of his wishes were not even honoured. For example, in death, a national honour, which he’d rejected in life, was imposed on him, and the full weight of the Nigerian state took over, and turned his funeral into a carnival. I can swear that the man did a back flip in his coffin during the show. Why are we like this?
This attitude of refusing to acknowledge that someone is getting along in age, and then going all out to display at the person’s send-forth, speaks to our lack of foresight, lack of critical thinking, and lack of planning. We all die, period.
So, why is this morbid talk relevant now?
President Muhammadu Buhari is an old man. He is clearly tired, and he has had a medical incident, documented in the last year. The drama around our byzantine politics means that his handlers do not think we are important enough to know the truth about his situation. This leaves room for all sorts of speculation, and these speculations are currently taking steroids. While wishing him well, it will not be out of place to hope for the best, while preparing for the worst. We have had the history before, let us learn from it.
What can Nigeria expect from a President Osinbajo?
Osibanjo or Osinbajo?