by Chris Emeka

” My advice is this; Don’t go searching for what will eventually find you.”

You become vulnerable when you hop into a new relationship, whilst getting over a broken romance. The search for someone who is free to return your devotion seems unending, and the goal looks unattainable. Therefore, the purpose of a relationship is defeated, because individuals are seeking self-gratification. The truth remains that the exterior benefits would diminish, so if I were you, I wouldn’t solely keep my focus there. What happened to personality? What happened to emotions? What happened to Love? Love- a sweet word with no true definition; The foundation of everything, even of the earth, though other factors also have key roles to play.

“All men are the same”…”you know women,they can never be trusted”…familiar sayings that possess no iota of truth. Not all men are cads and not all women are untrustworthy; That’s where knowledge comes in. My advice is this; Don’t go searching for what will eventually find you. Your Mr or Mrs Right would only come when you do right! Your partner is not far from you, life and love only become what you make of them.

It’s one thing to find ”the one”, it’s another thing to keep them and make them stay.  Don’t take advantage of the person’s vulnerability, instead give them strength; Don’t take them for granted, give them the audience they need from you and in you! Many people simply relate this to the men, wrong! As partners,there’s a great deal of work to be done by both parties, for the union and for each other. If you don’t offer such services as giving a listening ear and being a caring person, don’t expect such from anyone and prepare for a lonely life ahead.

Create for yourself an opposite sex of your exact personality, comparing also your habits and behaviour and see if you are compatible and comfortable with you, if you are, thumbs up! And if you are not…well, improve and keep building yourself. Remember, self-deception is the greatest form of madness, don’t deceive yourself by lying to yourself,that’s why you were given a conscience by the Creator-the Lover of all.

Nonetheless, many have found a relationship to be a slave camp; many have also thought it to be great bondage, some have explored it and found it to be a dwelling place,while only few become happy in it; a small number just enter into it to fill up vacuums in their lives and as a means of consolation, others are simply lost and don’t believe in it. Whether you believe it or not, your partner becomes to you whatever it is you make of them, you have a lot of work to do!

The next time you find yourself in a relationship, consider this first, are you fit for the battle ahead? Make sure you are not selfish as regards any discipline. Get wisdom and knowledge; but in all your findings, also get understanding. Know your partner like a nursery school rhyme; their strengths and weaknesses, turn-ons and turn-offs, likes and dislikes … not for knowing sake, but for yourself, as a manual to guide you through your love-life.

When you are convinced that you understand what it takes, feel free to suffer the discomforts and enjoy every moment, not forgetting your happiness!

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Chris Emeka is a writer. He tweets from @mecksman

30 Days, 30 Voices series is an opportunity for young Nigerians from across the world to share their stories and experiences – creating a meeting point where our common humanity is explored.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija