CriticSpeak: The Twilight Saga – Breaking Dawn or Breaking yawn?

by Wilfred Okiche

Clearly, this is no Harry Porter.

The first part of the fourth film in the Twilight saga, based on author Stephanie Meyer’s series of bestselling novels, was released last weekend. While ‘Breaking Dawn Part 1’ conquered the box-office with a $135million opening weekend gross, critical reception begged to differ.

Here are some of the meanest reviews so far:

‘’By any normal standard, this is a terrible movie with stilted dialogue and leaden pacing’’     – Slate

‘‘What we learn in this all-pain/no pleasure experience is that marriage feels like a life sentence, weddings are miserable events , honeymoon sex is dangerous and leaves a bride covered in bruises and pregnancy is a torment that leads to death in exchange for birth’’    – Entertainment Weekly

‘’There will come a time when we look back on these films and wonder what sort of mob insanity drove their success and we will laugh and shake our heads and pretend they were never really that popular’’      – Hitfix

‘’Breaking Dawn is both overlong and understuffed. I lived a thousand lives watching it and died a thousand deaths”    – Village Voice

‘’Forget that the film is too long and not very exciting, the dialogue is still as deadly as a vampire bite.’’     – Arizona Republic

‘’Breaking Dawn kinda sucks, in the metaphoric rather than the vampiric sense’’    – Los Angeles Times

‘’Teenage girls will probably be less interested in the story than in the earliest point where Mr Lautner rips of his shirt and it’s within seconds of the opening: these film makers know their audience.’’     – Daily Mail Online

“The movie’s tagline states : ‘Forever is only the beginning…’ After a few minutes of viewing this lifeless pap, we realize that it is not a slogan at all, it’s a warning’’      – Doddle

And they saved a few choice words for actor Taylor ‘The Body’ Lautner who plays Jacob the werewolf…

‘’And what do we do about Taylor Lautner? He’s had four films now to improve yet he’s still coming off as a reedy-voiced pretender’’      – Chicago Tribune

‘’Taylor is content with letting the smoulder do all the acting for him. There is so little difference between his angry smoulder and his happy smoulder that he seems to basically not react to anything. The events wash over him with no emotional range to speak of’’   – Hitfix

‘’Mr Lautner whose pumped physique and flat affect… remains a dish best served with as few words and clothes as possible’’      – The New York Times.

Goodnight, Twilight.

 

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Comments (4)

  1. i gave up after the first film

  2. people have time oh! i watched the first one and said never again

  3. Thank God people are seeing the light

  4. The whole twilight movies Α̲̅я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ sch a Bore,this js makes it. Evin WoRse#

cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail