Detractors, athletes and idiots in this week’s news… with a pinch of salt

by Stanley Azuakola

Detractors detract Abia State government

Nigerians were united in sympathy last week for Governor Theodore Orji of Abia State who lamented the determination of his political detractors to embarrass him at all cost. The governor produced a list of detractor-conspiracies against his government which included: a gang-up to ensure that refuse heaps continue to pile all over Abia state and a detractors led scheme that has made kidnapping a thriving business in the state. Also in his list are, an association of detractors hindering the state from paying the N18000 minimum wage to workers, policemen hired by detractors to mount roadblocks at every junction in the capital, and a satanic rape of a girl by four guys staged by his political detractors at ABSU. Governor Orji’s political detractors on the other hand have denied the presence of political detractors in the state, saying the so-called list is a figment of the “governor’s detractive imagination.”

Senators, Reps to represent Team Nigeria at London Olympics

Senators and members of the House of Reps will represent Team Nigeria at next year’s London Olympics. This followed their scintillating sprint performance as they fled for dear life during last week’s bomb scare at the assembly. The chairman of the National Sports Commission (NSC), Yusuf Suleiman who made the announcement said that the move will prevent a repeat of the embarrassing showing of our “professional” athletes who failed to win a single medal at the recently concluded World athletics Championship. The senators will compete in the sprint events, while the honourables will compete in the hurdles and long jump events.

Nigerians’ comment too long, says Tim Limbert

A web developer at New York University, Tim Libert conducted a comparative study of about 5000 article comments posted on 4 news sites to understand the psychology of their commenters. The news sites were Newyork Times (USA), (USA), Vanguard (Nigeria) and Sahara Reporters (Nigeria). He found that comments on the Nigerian sites were much longer than their American counterparts with Sahara Reporters having the longest comments and Newyork Times the shortest. He explained that the differences in length was due “to the fact that on Newyork Times somebody may simply call you an idiot, but on CNN they will take the time to tell you why you are an idiot, on Vanguard they will cause you to marvel at their idiocy, while on Sahara Reporters they will make you an idiot.”


The media, local and foreign, was awash last week with news of the girl who was raped by four young men in the Abia State University (ABSU) campus. In the midst of the hoopla, the Abia State governor made what turned out to be the most shocking and disgraceful statement so far by a public figure concerning the matter. Receiving officials of NEITI in his office, he said the rape story was the handiwork of his enemies, “to paint Abia black. Abia is not known for such atrocity.” A Pinch of N(u)ews recognises that politicians will be politicians, but there’s just something sad about a man who sacrifices his humanity on the altar of politics. To think that a lady was so ruthlessly mauled by a gang, and the first reaction of an elected governor is to play politics, just goes to show the narcissism that plagues some of our leaders. Public condemnation forced the governor to release a saner statement days later, but that still isn’t enough. Nothing short of a public apology, a renouncing of his previous comments and a public commitment to bring the offenders to book will do. The reason every kind of criminal imaginable –looters, robbers, bombers, kidnappers –gets away in Nigeria is because of this kind of politics as usual. For his crass insensitivity, Governor Orji gets the CeeCee for this week.

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One comment

  1. Stanley ooooooo!!!!! LMAO

cool good eh love2 cute confused notgood numb disgusting fail