by Anna Breslaw

It is easier to notice this when you are watching it — and then when it happens to you, you’ll be aware enough to point it out to your partner.

1. First of all, you can learn what you like in a safe, non-judgmental environment.

 And if you’re apprehensive about asking your partner for some niche thing you’ve been considering (e.g. bondage, being called Ralph, et cetera), you can watch it first from the comfort of your own bed, solo. In your pajamas. With an Origins face mask on. 😀

2. But your porn-watching life doesn’t have to overlap with your actual sex life.

You might discover, to your surprise, that you are into watching a certain sex act (like a threesome) but not into doing it yourself. You don’t have to! Maybe someday you will want to? But for now you have opened another door into your own sexuality by finding a new thing that gets you off — even if you’re just watching it.

3. See what “normal” sex looks like and feel less awkward.

Many women’s only exposure to porn are those cheesy $29.99 Jenna Jameson videos that have nothing to do with IRL P-in-va-G: No awkwardness, no weird noises, no uncomfortable condom fumbling, no screaming the name of your 7th grade physics teacher by accident, et cetera. But there is a whole range of porn now: Feminist and/or woman-friendly porn, amateur porn, fetish porn (NSFW!), you name it. Feminist porn goes out of its way to feature real female orgasms, not the fake moaning and screaming you might associate with mainstream porn.

4. Realize that your body is normal by watching other real non-porn star human women b__ging.

Some of us — uhh, me — used to be Not Okay With Our Vaginas. (I like to see what’s going on at all times, but looking at a vagina, whether it’s your own or a Pal’s, is like looking at a banana from the end. An optical illusion. Because the part of the banana that you’re seeing is an angle that ignores the whole actual length of the banana. You know what I’m saying?) Once you watch a few clips of Muggle people banging, you realize that all human beings/vaginas are their own unique snowflakes. And also that your vagina is actually pretty cool, in a Happy Meal Transformer toy kind of way.

5. Be louder during sex.

And not for him. Hearing yourself lose your shit like that is a turn-on. (Kind of weird, but true.)

6. Step outside your missionary-position comfort zone. 

Sure, you don’t have to be flipped over every two seconds like a pancake on a griddle. But the variety of angles of penetration you often find in a medium-length porn clip can blow your mind if you are used to your regular blowjob-then-girl-on-top-then-missionary (then coffee ice cream in bed and The Daily Show) routine.

7. Realize and be able to articulate the difference between hard and fast, et al.

You know that thing where you tell a guy that you like something, and he immediately starts doing it harder and faster, and you’re like, “I literally just said I liked it exactly the way you were doing it?” It is easier to notice this when you are watching it — and then when it happens to you, you’ll be aware enough to point it out to your partner. Guys can be sort of extreme in bed sometimes, because it will generally end the same way for them (like this: :D). Whereas we are more like :), :/, :}, :|, <_<, >_>, *_~, #_#, and then hopefully :D.

8. There’s really no good girl/bad girl dichotomy unless you want one.

Mainstream, produced porn has passed on the obsession of “good girl being bad” or “good girl being spanked” or “good girl being Pokemon” or whatever — which implies that women are their most desirable when they’re non-sexual beings who are suddenly hyper-sexual (but non-threateningly) (for one guy) (within reason) in bed. The more you watch normal women banging, making normal jokes, having normal, non-actress sex, the more you — and your partner — understand that women are just as sexual as men are.

9. You’ll find new ways (and toys to use) to masturbate.

Why yes, some everyday, normal girls do go home and use an enormous flashing cupcake-shaped vibrator, or what have you. It’s like the less-dull version of reading sex toy product reviews.
10. And being single doesn’t have to doom you to a boring sex life.

It may sound obvious, but you don’t need a guy (or many guys) to have an exciting sexual life. Not only is it safe, but watching porn adds variety. There are tons of tools for daily orgasms at your disposal.

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Read this article in Cosmopolitan

 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.