Gone are the days when men could be baited into marriage on the lure of sex. The dissociation of sex and marriage as well as sexual freedom for women has also made it easier for men to keep sleeping around unless they wish to marry for other reasons.
One of the biggest dating questions which haunt women is whether her boyfriend is ready to commit. She may be sticking around with him for almost a couple of years now, hoping that he will make up his mind and still waiting for the elusive engagement ring. If you don’t want this to happen to you, learn to pick up ten signs which tell you that he’s not going to propose marriage in a hurry.
- He never discusses marriageThis is perhaps the first hint that should start ringing warning bells in your mind. Your boyfriend cannot be caught dead talking about marriage as an institution or even commenting on commercials for wedding products and services. He won’t mention it even if his own brother is getting married and he is going to be the best man. His aversion to the M-word should be indication enough that marriage does not figure anywhere in his near future.
- He is hugely ambitiousGuys whose only mission in their lives is to reach the top of their professional ladder are likely to take their time settling down. This is because emotional commitment to a partner might force them to cut down on their working hours and make networking with business contacts or frequent out-of-town trips difficult. Though this is not to say that married guys don’t find success – witness President Obama and Bill Gates – super ambitious men who are perpetually looking for the next bigger and better thing are more likely to consider marriage as leading to professional stagnation.
- All his friends are singleThis is as sure a sign as any that your boyfriend is not going to propose marriage. If you notice that his social circle is exclusively made of bachelors and divorced men, it is evident that he is uncomfortable around married couples and has no plans to join their ranks in near future.
- He has strong sexual needsA guy who places great emphasis on sex and considers it the most important part of a relationship is unlikely to settle for a single partner. Gone are the days when men could be baited into marriage on the lure of sex. The dissociation of sex and marriage as well as sexual freedom for women has also made it easier for men to keep sleeping around unless they wish to marry for other reasons. And if your boyfriend has a large sexual appetite, it is unlikely to be satisfied by a single person. He will sooner or later get tired of being with you and move on to someone else he can go to bed with.
- He lives out of a suitcaseMen with unstable living conditions usually have priorities like work and travel which are bound to clash with a stable married life. You may be thrilled to have a high-flying war correspondent or wildlife photographer as a boyfriend, but such people are unlikely to settle down to tame domesticity. Far easier to spot – and avoid – are guys whose are in and out of jobs or in trouble with the law and thus perpetually on the move. Rather look for men who have stable lives since they are the ones more likely to be looking for stable relationships.
- He does not take you to meet his familyThis is an unmistakable sign that a guy is not considering marriage even though he may be dating someone. Men usually discuss their families only with those who are close enough to be let into their inner lives. If your boyfriend has never suggested that you meet his parents and even appears to be uncomfortable talking about them to you, then perhaps he is not ready to make you an intrinsic part of his life.
- You don’t figure in his plansWhen talking about his future, does your guy merely discuss his goals of starting a business someday and are his dreams limited to retiring by the sea with his very own beach house and luxury boat? If so or something similar, then this is an indication that you are not part of his future plans and thus unlikely to be his wife any time soon. Unless of course, he goes through a life-changing experience and realizes the value of a committed relationship which is again putting too much store by chance and therefore not worth wasting your life for.
- He doesn’t ask you about yoursIn a reversal of the above point, a guy unwilling to commit will also be uninterested to know about your life goals and hopes for the future. The present – comfortably carefree and uncomplicated – is good enough for him. He does not want to know if you want to eventually settle in the suburbs or how many kids would you like to have and whether you would prefer little girls or boys. Hell, he doesn’t even want to know where you have always wanted to go for your honeymoon! If you find all this true in case of your boyfriend, then you can kiss your dreams of marrying him goodbye and start looking for a more suitable guy.
- He is divorcedWhile divorced men are technically single and thus seeming candidates for a committed relationship, if your guy has gone through a particularly messy divorce, then probably he cannot bear the thought of marrying again. To be sure about this, pry around gently to see how badly he feels about his breakup and whether the scars are deep enough to be permanent. Other than emotional issues, a divorced man may also be caught up in child support and alimony so as to make any further commitments completely out of the question.
- He is not forthcoming about personal informationHave you ever wondered why your boyfriend is always vague when you ask him about his work and where he lives? You might have a rough idea that he is into finance and that he commutes from the suburbs but if he is unwilling to clearly share his personal information with you, probably he has something to hide – a spouse or a lover maybe. Or more likely he is determined to keep you away from the rest of his personal life. Not exactly marriage material, is he?
No one can say for sure what goes on in a person’s mind and what influences his/her decisions. But if your boyfriend displays all or most of the above signs, then more likely than not, he is not yet ready to propose marriage to you.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.