Shola Okubote: 7 things you should do when you break up with a friend

I know how to move on after breaking up with a lover, I don’t need to have a truck-load of experience to know it, every lifestyle magazine I know has published an article with tips on how to move on after break-ups. You see, breaking up with a lover is a painful thing and many people really do understand it because they know how it feels.

What many people don’t know is how to move on after breaking up with a friend. I learned how to move on in these seven hard ways;

Stop talking about it – You will be tempted to talk about your friend and what she did to you to everyone, but don’t. If you feel really burdened and you need to talk, make sure it is with someone you can really trust like a family member. Talking about your hurt all the time makes it harder to heal and move on.

Don’t Mudsling – If your friend is a backstabber, she will probably fight dirty by gossiping about you and telling everyone the secrets you have shared with her. Don’t get into the mudslinging fight with her, there is no winning there, it will only make you look like a bitter person.

Your enemy’s enemy isn’t your friend – Be careful of people who will suddenly be interested in being your friend because they don’t like the friend you just broke up with. It is tempting to think they are now your friends, but they aren’t. They are here to scoop dirt about your friend, and recruit you to fight their own battles. Don’t listen to what others have to say about her; don’t snoop around to know what is happening to her. Just let it go.

Let go of regret – You will blame yourself for putting yourself in harm’s way and for things you probably could have handled differently, but you don’t have to dwell on it. The past is gone; don’t let it rob you of your future.

Because someone hurt you doesn’t mean everyone will hurt you – When a close friend hurt you, you may become paranoid about other friends or someone who wants to be your friend. Don’t be. Because one friend hurt you doesn’t mean everyone else will, don’t let go of good friendships because of a bad one.

Find a reason to love – If you have been friends for a long time, there must be at least one good thing about your friend that you liked. Don’t throw away all the good memories of your friendship. It will help you let go of your hurt.

Forgive and move on – It is hard to heal emotional wounds without first forgiving the person that hurt you. Forgiving your friend doesn’t mean you have to go back to being a close friend, it just means letting go of all the anger and resentment you may have towards her.


 Shola Okubote blogs at and tweets as @femmelounge 

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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