by Demola Rewaju

Think of what you want most in a man… I guarantee you that whatever it is you thought of first is what you miss most about a particular former lover. If yours was sexual, stop reading and seek deliverance.

For every phenomenon there are usually several factors but the number one reason I’ve come across though that the modern woman is usually still single at a late age is that she is married.

Alright hold on…I’m not crazy! Stay with me and I swear I’ll make sense.

Think of what you want most in a man… I guarantee you that whatever it is you thought of first is what you miss most about a particular former lover. If yours was sexual, stop reading and seek deliverance. I’m sorry, it was a joke. Keep reading dear…

But seriously, too many women carry a strong emotional and mental picture of the man they want to marry and it is usually the image of another man, real or imagined. If the man is real, go back to him, date him and marry him…if a smarter girl hasn’t done that already. The man may even be imagined or worse, a mix of the real and the imagined… tall like Dele, caring like Uzo, rich like Johnson, no H-factor like Mark, sexual like that Ghanian actor… and so on.

The problem is you started dating too early and kept on dating serially for too long. Most happily married women got married to their first, second or third boyfriends. If your husband is not in your first ten boyfriends, you have more tendency to cheat than to stay faithful.

The reason is that a woman always takes something away from any man with whom she comes into close association over a reasonable period of time especially if the relationship is sexual. This ‘something’ could be anything but it is usually associated with an emotional feeling of being wanted. Remember the movie Face/Off and how the character Sean Archer (John Travolta) would run his fingers over his wife’s Eve Archer’s face (played by Joan Allen) and she would just tremble all over? That’s ‘something’. Yours could be a touch, a song, his walk, the way he talks, the way he smells, his favourite hangout, etc. The longer the period of dating, the deeper the emotion, the harder it is to let go.

So what we have these days are women who are emotionally locked with a past boyfriend and marriage is essentially about being emotionally in tune with another person. You simply can’t hope to bond emotionally with another man while still emotionally bound with a prior man.

I’d really love to go on and explain how to break-up emotionally after you have done so physically but this piece has gone on too long and I don’t want to bore you. I’ll continue from here when next SisterSister comes up.

Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.