by Cheta Nwanze

Kashim Shettima, while his state is on fire, has proven that Roman emperor Nero has nothing on him. You see, Uncle Shettima tends to favour spending his time in Abuja as opposed to Maiduguri. Tends to believe that fasting is a suitable solution to the #BokoHaram menace, and tired of the facilities that the Buj has to offer, has checked out to London. 

No one ever said that being Prez was an easy job. That’s something that GEJ has been discovering for four years now. His, tends to be a funny case of damned if you do, damned if you don’t. However, some of the actions that he takes clearly display a level of cynicism, which, can be laid squarely, at the feet of his advisers. Such as his visit to Chibok today, a month and two days after the now infamous abduction. There will be a large military presence in that unfortunate town today, the likes of which it probably has not ever seen, and which it probably will never again see. Following that, the presidential iron bird, will take off from the only road in town, and the pilot will make contact, with a control tower in Paris.

But the Prez is not the only one doing stuff for the benefit of foreigners. Why, it is unmöglich for Borno state’s babariga to take our sovereign on the customary tour of town. Kashim Shettima, while his state is on fire, has proven that Roman emperor Nero has nothing on him. You see, Uncle Shettima tends to favour spending his time in Abuja as opposed to Maiduguri. Tends to believe that fasting is a suitable solution to the #BokoHaram menace, and tired of the facilities that the Buj has to offer, has checked out to London. But then, maybe, it is just me being jealous of the pleasantries of governorhood.

But we got a small glimpse of life after governorhood in this, err, geographical expression. Four years he sat at the Governor’s Lodge in Owerri. Yet, unable to build a hospital, he had to check out to wherever for a health check. Upon his return, some, err, unemployed youth decided to try their hands at making fire crackers. Their target, his Owerri palace. “This is the only building I have in this town,” moaned Former Governor Ohakim of Imo, after the little bit of target practice, wrecked his building. Fortunately, he was in another, err, country home. And to think that someone, less than a week ago, told this bigot that #BokoHaram can only happen in Northern Nigeria. Dia is God o…

Bits and Bobs

For people/companies like me, we don’t pay tax, the government takes tax. Since our unemployment rate is high in Nigeria, a lot of people/companies appreciate this distinction. 65% of us apparently. Yet we want constant power… To try and improve those power odds, those of us who are legally connected to the grid will have to face rising costs… Sadly, Afghanistan has no embassy in Nigeria. Some think that solving our power problems requires going nuclear. I’ll pass please… Finally, when her 13-year-old stepdaughter told Lucy, 29, that she’d been raped by Lucy’s husband in Ejigbo, Lucy used a hot knife to check if the girl was telling lies.

Right of Reply

Waziri Adio wrote,

On today’s article, I have been told authoritatively that “Late Brigadier Zakariya Maimalari was of Fulani stock, from present day Yobe State.” He was not Kanuri.

Chxta responds,

Many thanks for that correction. Very well received.

Ola Babs wrote,

Who are Boko Haram working for?

Boko Haram” enjoys the following:

1. Armoured tanks.

2. Recurring reports of helicopter supplies.

3. Brand new Toyota Hilux Jeeps painted in military colours.

4. Army uniforms.

5. Heavy weaponry like AA rifles, MGs, SMGs, Rocket Propelled Grenades, Anti-aircraft missiles, etc.

6. A popular camp in Sambisa forest that our Air Force, NIA, SSS, Army, and Navy Seals are not commanded to storm.

7. Guaranteed flow of internet service in a bush with the ability to upload 57 minutes videos online at anytime without being tracked by security surveillance.

8. Privilege to pass through all military check points under State of Emergency rule anytime and operate for as long as they want and retreat safely back to base.

9. Privilege to operate during overnight curfews in State of Emergency rule without anyone disturbing them.

Chxta responds,

Lots of questions, which I’m not in a position to answer. I guess you can direct your answers to Paris, London and Yola.

Austin wrote,

About injustice and rot in the force, my friend who is a superintendent of police shared this with me, when I forwarded the report about america’s apprehension f sharing information with the military.

“My brother it’s the truth oh, you can’t imagine the things senior officers do across all the services to solicited support from civilians, politicians. From postings to promotion so leaking secrets or even aligning with political/religious agenda NA small thing. These are the sort of things we condemn but people now brand us as too straight, one who does not have time for business and in extreme cases they say we are not sharp. But my brother the rot is deep.

Even training has been compromised over favouritism. In academy I was denied an award after defeating everybody in a timed combat operation. There was almost a riot on north south lines so I told my supporters to not riot.

I told them that whether I was given the award or not was not the issue but that I was capable of imbibing the training was all I needed because it will be in me for life. Other awards for marksmanship were also stolen from the deserving candidates and given to others based on sectional considerations. How can people be motivated in such an environment. In the military it’s worse because they can’t voice out their complaints. But the poverty and deprivation in the police is far worse.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.