Ifreke Inyang [@ifreke]
MONDAY: The excitement on tweetville was massive. Nigeria’s representative at The Big Brother Africa All Stars, Uti Nwachukwu, emerged the winner. Of course, you can trust tweetgerians to take it from different dimensions. @Tyvn couldn’t understand some of the things people were up to. “So because Uti won d money, everybody is now uploading pictures dey took wit him. If u like, upload frm 2day till tmrw! You aint getting nada!” Uti left the contest with a cheque of $201,000 but there was gist that the runner-up, Munya was going to get more. “According to ZBC, Munya gets $300,000,” @Ovie tweeted. “Their website is currently down tho. Not sure if it is due to excess traffic or falsified reports.” If there were any reports that were confirmed though, it was that most major roads in Abuja were blocked. “I had to trek from Force HQ to SGF’soffice,” @nzesylva lamented. “Then to Head of Service office and all the way down past Ministry of Finance to FCDA!” On BBM, folks were past caring. They celebrated Uti’s victory and even dared to make jokes about his dead father. One of the broadcast messages read: “The corpse of Uti’s father has been kidnapped and the kidnappers are asking for a ransome of N30m.” Another said: “Uti’s pastor sent him a text asking him not to forget that his tithe is 10% and he should have a safe flight home”
TUESDAY: The host of the keenly watched show, IK, with the handle @ik_osakioduwa was already on his way back to the country. “I am on a plane heading home,” his tweet announced. “Thanks to all SA tweeps. You guys showed me love. See you soon.” Someone who seemed to be on his way too was Manchester United’s striker, Wayne Rooney. His manager, Sir Alex Ferguson confirmed it in a press conference that the Englishman wanted out. As you would expect, tweeps reacted. “Honestly, Rooney is at a loss if he goes to Man. City and Real Madrid won’t buy him,” @walegates declared. “No other club can afford him.” The red devil supporters were livid. They tweeted and retweeted that Rooney was free to leave – no one is bigger than the club. @kemiadetiba was angry for other reasons. “I hate tweeting from an iPad,” she fumed. “You can’t retweet with a personal comment. Neither can you copy and paste to add ur comment.”
WEDNESDAY: Most of the comments on Twitter were about Vector the Viper’s version of Oleku. The song which getting heavy rotation on radio stations was originally performed by @iceprincezamani and Brymo. “I just listened to Vector’s Oleku. I prefer d original. He sounds like he was translating d Yoruba but it wasn’t bad sha.” @ aquamarine05 tweeted. @exschoolnerd thought there was just much ado about nothing. “Is Vector d first person to jump on a hot beat? Abeg free him jor!” she said in her tweet. @lumidizzle said, “I have moved on and will no longer talk abt dis Oleku issue. Wat else is up ppl?” @valohu thought something was up. “The way these maids are taking extra care to serve me dis morning is getting me really uncomfortable.” he said.
THURSDAY: @TundeEdnut was in some discomfort of his own. “My elder sister just told me she’s just been proposed to,” he announced. “I feel jealous and I don’t even wanna see the guy yet! It’s just weird.” @toluogunlesi was concerned about his own weird food issues. “No matter wat I eat, I don’t gain weight.” he complained. “Isn’t there a scientist out there interested in studying me?” @itsjustayo was rather interested in his own studies. “So I killed my maths exams y’day!” he tweeted excitedly. “Dat is to say, I’m nt goin to dat class for d rest of d semester!” @misundastudent wasn’t that sure yet. “Exam results are out and word on the street is that I passed. Pls God, don’t let it be one of those fake gists o!” The trending topic, which was initiated by @darey was #ENoMeanSay. @hamhead007 – “Jus becos u saw me buying boli and epa at d side of d road, #ENoMeanSay I no get money to buy hotdog for sweet sensation.” , @musteebabs – “Jus becos u dey fly first class #ENoMeanSay u fit afford private jet!”, @walegafar – “I dey Y-Not, #ENoMeanSay I wan carry ashawo. Na indomie I wan chop!”
FRIDAY: Still talking about ladies and nightclubs, @drewbaba aired his opinion. “Women shud wear wristbands at d club if they’re on their period. Guys will knw if she’s worth buying drinks for all night!” Of course it’s not all about drinks at clubs. The DJ is just as important. @djcaise informed all his followers that “I’ll be deejaying tonite at @rehablagos for the @siruti big brother all stars winner’s party. It’s gonna be special!” @blazeotopka didn’t need a nightclub as venue for his event but he still had issues getting one. “If u wanna use somewhere for an event and a wedding is already scheduled, is it a bad thing to pray for wedding cancellation?”
Gbagaun of the week: @captdemuren: “I hear new music and I really don’t be feeling it..”
Recommended: Who to follow this week? It’s got to be @onomemusic. If you follow people and wouldn’t like to harass them continuously to follow you back, the jazz keyboardist is the surest deal! Just let him know you are following him and he’ll reciprocate the favour.
Tweet of the week: @funnyhumour: “FACEBOOK UPDATE: Wayne Rooney and Sir Alex Ferguson have changed their relationship status to ‘complicated’. Manchester City *likes* this..”
Quote my tweet: @lilmidoo: “If your BB is causing problems between you and your spouse, pls avoid all the trouble by letting your spouse go oo! Haa!”