With a friend like the police, who needs enemies? – and more, in today’s news roundup with Cheta Nwanze

by Cheta Nwanze

Policemen

A few days later, some boys-in-black came to look for Bolaji Moore, and being that they could not find him, decided to become friendly with Tope. The rest as they say, is history.

The police is your friend they say, which is probably what Tope Moore was fed, and probably, like most people around these parts, must have had a half hearted belief in it. That is until her brother “allegedly” partook in the killing of a man in Bariga. A few days later, some boys-in-black came to look for Bolaji Moore, and being that they could not find him, decided to become friendly with Tope. The rest as they say, is history.

To be fair to the boys-in-black, the top brass at least, their Lagos Honcho has ordered the detention of the chaps who manhandled Tope. What becomes of them though, could be anyone’s guess. And if the Baba Suwe saga is anything to go by, a court order may well be ignored. Just ask Maevis.

Sometimes I wonder about our judiciary. The inability to enforce certain judgements involving certain kinds of people is frankly, quite worrying. But that won’t bother Grace Madu. When it became clear to her that Maxwell was incapable of taking her over the moon, she went straight to court. To cut a long story short, following Maxwell’s inability to satisfy in bed, Big Wig Emmanuel Sokunle declared, “Starting from today, you cease to be husband and wife; you shall go your separate ways and maintain the peace.”

I wonder if Maxwell will have a sign attached to him saying: “Useless goods”.

Quote of the Day

“The Ake boy bring im tools out just aim the boy for leg when dem dey drag the money. Na so e take start. The Eiye boys come go gather themselves return but dem no meet am, so dem just go im friend house light am throway.” — Osahon describes the beginnings of the current, err, negotiation training in Uniben.

Bits and bobs

Some readers have threatened fire and brimstone on me for failing to write this morning. Ma bi nu. Blame Labaran Maku. Following his recent comments, I had to cross-check and make sure that my emails do not contain anything that can have me breaking rocks in the near future. The only way I will put in the 27 years is if you guarantee me the Presidency at the end of it.

As a follow up to yesterday’s tonic about people having nightmares and labelling them dreams, the FG will be installing CCTV systems all over Lagos and Abuja. Yes, they not only want to spy on our emails, they want to catch those of us who love whipping it out in public. Never mind, NEPA will fire them.

For those of you who may not have known, Nigeria earned a grand total of N50.696 trillions in oil money between the day the first oil well was sunk in Oloibiri near the Prez’s village and March 30, 2012. In other words, Nigeria’s total oil earnings ever have barely reached $0.31 trillions in real money. Yesterday had me shivering. Apparently, since independence, Nigeria’s thieving elite have stolen a sum twice the amount of our all time oil earnings. Jesu!

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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