by Eresuyi Eguae
I haven’t written anything for sometime now because I’ve been going through things somewhat difficult to handle but I’ll survive. I sometimes forget that this (writing) helps ease the heart ache of issues; instead of nursing my wounds in silence I’ve decided to come out and write about them.
I wrote something a while back about pain and I’ll quote a few lines from that:
“One thing I’ve noticed from this experience is that there are certain things only pain can teach you. Its funny how everything else just seems so unimportant in the midst of pain”
In the write up I wrote about an experience I had in university that left me in great pain. I tried to play it cool, but it took a bite out of me. One thing I learnt from that experience was this: when we are hurt we only see what we want to see which usually is our immediate circumstance – I mean it’s starring you right in the face. Pain blinds you to other realities, all you know is what you feel and it leads to making rash and (most times) stupid decisions.
Playing it cool and pretending you don’t feel a thing doesn’t help either; it led me to tear up money and walk out on a meeting (rudely) without saying a word to anyone. I eventually had to apologise (like I always do when I act up) which then led me to ask myself; what is the point? Being an ass and snubbing all else, not living up to your responsibilities, changing behaviour, acting funny etc because of something you are feeling does a lot of damage, sometimes irreparable, that you are not prepared to handle. Again is it worth it?
Our friends sometimes give excuses for our shortcomings at those times – “ah ahnn now, he just got an F free him”, “they just stole his laptop that’s why”, “He has an extra year, she this, he’s that…”
At the risk of sounding insensitive, you are not the first neither, are you the one millionth person to go through some issue or the other – kini big deal? I was talking with a friend yesterday – he is frustrated about his present circumstances and I’ll relay the same thing I told him to you.
Dealing with our issues just needs us to look ahead. My favourite word these days is FORESIGHT. Can you encapsulate what lies ahead? Yes it’s painful now but what happens tomorrow when the pain is gone? Is it time to start apologising and correcting mistakes or do you move head held high and face the day because you were adequately prepared and you saw it coming? I remember when my dad told me I had to go through Primary 6 while most of my mates would leave a year before, I cried and cried. In secondary school I felt bad for people that had to repeat a class, or those that didn’t get into school on time.
Today I look back and feel stupid because I got into university at the same time or even before some of the people that left primary school a year before. Some of those that repeated a class in secondary school studied four year courses and finished before me, others gained admission after I did but caught up, and so on.
Essentially, in the light of tomorrow the pain of today counts for nothing, if we can only see what lies ahead. Rise above today, looking unto the morrow.