I have spent some time digging into the heads of men about what makes them fall in love and stay in love. It’s not just good home cooking and lots of sex you know. As much as they like to act like they’re simple to understand, they have similar needs to women’s in many ways, but women often fail to take these needs as seriously as they should because they are men and often misjudge them.
Ladies, our class in ‘Men Ed 101’ has started. Please be seated….
1) Sex! Ok, let’s get this one out of the way shall we? Yes, our men need regular sex. It doesn’t always have to be mind blowing sex but ladies, please do not underestimate the need for your man to have regular sex with you. AND women, you do need to participate (you just laying there isn’t very inspiring for them you know!!). It keeps him close to you emotionally as this is when he connects with you and re-affirms his feelings, but it’s also where he relieves himself (yes girls, he gets relief in your arms & between your legs)! To men it’s like needing to eat and breathe. Although unacceptable to most of us, if starved for overextended periods for no good reason, the chances are high that eventually he will seek relief elsewhere.
2) Respect: That means not talking to him as if he’s an idiot or emasculating him in other ways. A man’s ego can be quite fragile and disrespecting him is an affront to his sense of masculinity. If he’s lost his job, has sexual dysfunction or anything that hits at his self-esteem, boost him up, don’t kick him while his down; massive ego crush, big disrespect! Be respectful in you’re dealings with him and show him love. This serves to bolster his and self-esteem and I’ve been told actually helps in ”subduing” him, helping you get more of what you want from your man. Taking notes girls…?
3) Appreciation: Men need to know that when they take the time to do the things that are important to their ladies, that it’s being acknowledged and appreciated. Let him know that the efforts he makes are not in vain or taken for granted. But also remember that he needs to know that you love him for all he is and NOT just for what he does, or can give you.
4) Communication: Men are not always the best at talking, but they’re worse at mind reading and a good man really does care what you think and feel. Keep him in the picture, but remember to do it in a way that is mindful of self-esteem and don’t set out to make him feel like a jerk. Give him the chance and he will use the information to demonstrate that the relationship means as much to him as it does to you.
5) Trust: Knowing that you are being faithful and loyal to your man gives him immense peace of mind. But he also needs trust that he can confide in his woman about everything; his fears and his dreams, and that even when he is feeling weak or vulnerable, he can trust you have his back and remain in love with him.
6) Understanding: This is a tough one, because where people are concerned its never easy understanding each other. However, where there is true love, there will also be the will to try in earnest to understand your loved one, and men are no exception. In the big wide world, its easy for a man to feel nobody truly understands him, but once he finds a woman he loves, he wants to know that she really ‘gets him’ and he will appreciate your attempts to seek a deeper understanding of him. Of course, he has to be open and you have to have a bond that enables you to really see him as he is. Once he really open’s up to you as his woman, he really wants you to understand what makes him tick, giving him the assurance that someone, somewhere truly gets him and loves him for who he is.
7) Compliments – “She tells me how wonderful I am and how handsome I am…..” Even that big strong man of yours needs to HEAR that you admire the way he looks, or how much he means to you. When he works hard getting that senior position at work, tell him it proves how competent and intelligent he is and how he has inspired you. Don’t forget to let him know how he makes you feel when you’re alone together. Men need to know that they make you feel like you’re in heaven when they make love to you.
8 ) Honesty – especially about how you feel, is very important. He can’t mind read and its vital that he knows where you stand as a couple. It’s only fair that you don’t keep secrets that could be damaging to your relationship, and that goes hand in hand with trust. Without honesty, forget building true trust!
9) Faithfulness – Men have a very different view of infidelity than women do. In most cases, men find it hard to reconcile the relationship if a woman has been unfaithful. It’s partly territorial, but it also strikes right to the core of a man in a way that he finds harder to get over than women, who may let more than one affair slip before throwing in the towel on her relationship once and for all. He needs assurance that the relationship you share is between the two of you. With some exceptions for men in love, three is most definitely a crowd!
10) Emotional attraction – Now, you may have thought I would say physical attraction, and yes that is very important. However, a man becomes more physically attracted to the woman he is emotionally attached to. The emotional attraction causes a bond (attachment), that also helps him to fall deeper in love with you and backed up by trust, understanding, faithfulness and the rest, your man should be able to find his true self when he’s happily in love with you.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.