Most men enjoy independence in a woman, but men also secretly like to feel taken care of as well.
How can you make a man attracted to you beyond your looks… attracted enough to see you as psychologically and emotionally irresistible… and how do you keep this long into a relationship?
The bigger question is why do men who seemed interested and connected with you suddenly become disinterested, pull away and shut down… and what can you do about it?
After years of coaching thousands of women around the world to success with men (including high-profile female celebrities) and researching relationship dynamics and male psychology, I’ve discovered what causes that “spark” that makes a man see a woman as “the one”, and what causes men to lose interest for seemingly no reason… and it’s not for the reasons most women think.
Unless you understand these “secrets” I’m about to share with you to being IRRESISTIBLE to a man, you will most likely constantly deal with men pulling away, losing interest, avoiding commitment and even leaving.
Let’s get to it…
What Men Find Irresistible Secret #1: Avoid Over-Seriousness & Worrying
What I’ve found after coaching thousands of women over the years is that when men do stupid things in a relationship, most women tend to become overly-emotional, hurt, angry and worry if things are “okay”.
Men do sometimes really stupid things, and you have every right to feel what you’re feeling.
The problem is if you let your emotions control your actions with men, it can severely impact his level of attraction for you.
Being serious and sharing a deeper connection has it’s place (something I go deep into in my free relationship advice eLetter), but when a man does hurtful things like being unaffectionate, distant or not calling you back, most women’s reaction is to become “serious” over the bad things they believe to be happening and lose that light-hearted fun they were originally bringing to the table that draw men in in the first place.
Men absolutely crave a woman who is light-hearted and doesn’t take things too seriously… ESPECIALLY when things get rough.
Humor is like a BILLBOARD mounted to a woman’s forehead that says “I’m the one!”
Men feel this on a subconscious gut level.
If you’re becoming overly serious, worried, self-conscious, your man is very likely to lose attraction and pull away.
If you lead with a sense of humor most of the time, it’s an amazing find for a man. Men not just want this but NEED it.
What Men Find Irresistible Secret #2: Lead With Your “Youthfulness”
Most women believe that attraction has to do mostly with their body… weight, breast size, bone structure etc.
And while this plays a part, it couldn’t be further from the truth.
A man desires youthfulness in a woman he would consider spending all of his time with.
Youthfulness means a state of being innocent and childlike, and this is something that stimulate men on a subconscious level to crave.
Youth is an attitude.
Most women are very burned out inside from the obligations of the world, and this has a very strong effect on how men will perceive you.
It may be difficult for you to “get” this because women in our society are virtually “brainwashed” to believe if their bodies are not young or pretty, they don’t stand a chance at captivating a man.
NOT TRUE… and I have many, many cases to back this up. I’ve documented that attraction has MOSTLY to do with your internal “energy”.
Men sense when a woman is fresh and has kept herself separate from the negativity of other’s opinions and when a woman has allowed herself to be burned out, burdened with obligations and has lost touch with the little girl within.
A child playing on the playground hasn’t been burdened by the world’s “adulthood” and “responsibilities” yet.
All she cares about is PLAYING… in the sand, swinging on the swings and having fun. She is fresh, she doesn’t hold onto the past and isn’t worried about the future.
It’s one thing be responsible, and another thing to allow it to define who you are.
I’m always amazed when I see 18-year-old girls who feel 40, and then when I see 40-year-old women who feel 18.
It’s just a matter of learning what type of energy men are emotionally attracted to in a woman.
What Men Find Irresistible Secret #3: Attract With Body Language
Behavioral psychologists say that body language makes up for 55% of all communication in relationships… vocal tonality comes in second with 38%.
And the actual words we use to talk? A whopping 7%.
Pay close attention… words are only 7% of ALL communication.
That means that 93% of ALL communication and signals that we give and receive are based on body language and vocal tonality alone.
Most women ask me “what do I say to him to make him want me?”. But if you focus on only that 7% you’re missing 93% of the puzzle!
I don’t have time right now to get too deep into this, but here’s the “magic formula” for body language.
Hips loose and tilted a bit forward, arch in the lower back allowing weight to release off the upper-back, shoulders and upper back relaxed back, chest present, chin up.
A smile tells a man on a gut level that you’re receptive and no smile says you’re “untouchable”.
You may have mixed feelings towards her (and I’m not her biggest fan either), but Paris Hilton has great body language.
When you learn how to have powerful body language, it’s as close to “magic” as it gets to seeing men respond INSTANTLY with attraction.
What Men Find Irresistible Secret #4: Avoid Getting Overly-Emotional
Most women allow their negative emotions to build up in a relationship and inadvertently take them out on a man. While you and I know that you don’t mean to do this, it has a strong effect on how men feel towards you, and this is where you’ll see men pull away.
Most women don’t realize that by becoming overly-emotional, it freaks men out and causes them to close down.
But expressing positive emotions in the right way has the power to get a man literally addicted to you.
It just takes a retraining of your approach to men and relationships…
What Men Find Irresistible Secret #5: Avoid Impatience
Let’s face it, most women today have a borderline A.D.D. situation going on…
But seriously, most men are extremely grateful when they find a patient woman.
A.D.D. is cute to some guys at first (I find it hilarious and love to make light-hearted fun of women like this) but impatience can slowly turn into unnecessary frustration and emotional aggression when things don’t happen fast enough.
What I’m talking about is relaxing more and being more open to going with the flow of your relationship with him. This is the same attitude that rockstars have, and rockstars, whether male or female, are some of the most desired people on the planet.
Why is patience so valuable to being attractive to men? Because it is very RARE for a man to find and sub-communicates confidence and desirability.
Here’s a secret about men most women will never understand.
Men are purpose and goal-oriented… Men value the vision they want to create in life above all else. It could be that he wants to start a family, travel the world, build a business… it could be anything.
The point is when a man meets a woman, he secretly hopes that she will relax with his path. If she does he will literally feel that she completes him.
What Men Find Irresistible Secret #6: Self-Care And Beauty
While I talk a lot about inner beauty, it is expecting too much to not keep yourself looking good and think that men will chase after you.
Beauty, healthy hair, good-looking skin, well-done makeup, healthy weight; these are the more superficial things men adore.
Most men are not looking for you to be a super model, they just want to know that you care about your presentation.
Now where most women get tripped up is believing that external beauty is everything… it is not.
Let me ask you something. Have you ever thought… what is beauty?
Beauty is the OUTWARD expressions of femininity, which men are attracted to like NOTHING else. This is why beauty is so powerful to men.
This is not good because you become an insecure ROLLERCOASTER seeking approval from men, and when you’re chasing after his validation, you can’t be irresistible.
Here’s what I believe is needed ===> Balance, balance, balance.
Put some weight onto the other leg of INNER beauty. The fact is inner is just as important as outer.
And there is a way to becoming internally beautiful to men in a way that makes men RESPOND like crazy.
Listen, I have even coached supermodels who have trouble with men. But it is still a piece none the less.
What Men Find Irresistible Secret #7: Emotional Intelligence
You are intelligent, I already know this.
I know this simply because you’re here right now looking to better your love life, which is an intelligent thing to do… and it’s rare.
But what exactly do I mean by “intelligence”?
Well, I don’t necessarily mean book intellect, “street smarts” or being a philosopher.
I really mean a woman who is PRESENT and “here now”. She is sharp, responsive, alive, witty and keeps a man on his toes.
If you drift into all of the bad stuff you’ve done in the past and all of the regrets and constantly worry about the future, there’s a good chance you’ll have trouble being attractive to men.
A woman who is present, who a man can look into her eyes and see that she is with him right here and now… not zoning off into space or thinking about a millions thoughts is catnip to the male mind.
She responds to the moment… and this is an ability that every woman has.
A woman who is “with” a man is extremely attractive, desirable and irresistible to a man.
Unfortunately, most men will never know this kind of women, so when she does come, well let’s just say, have you ever heard of those stories of guys proposing in the first 3 months?
There is a way to cultivate this aspect of yourself, and I believe you DO have this inside you… you just have to learn how to release it.
What Men Find Irresistible Secret #8: Not “Needing” But Wanting
Many, many women fall into the trap of confusing liking, caring for and loving someone for being attached and needing that someone.
Loving someone and being attached to someone are not the same thing.
Let me help you to understand the difference.
Loving someone is when you are thinking about the other person’s needs and happiness while when you become attached to someone you think about how YOUR needs are not being fulfilled by this person.
Love is fearless and feelings joyous and attachment is fearful and feels bad.
Most guys can sense neediness, which usually causes them to run the other direction.
But they can also sense a girl who WANTS rather than needs.
What is the real difference between want and need?
Need is obliging the other person, that you can’t live without him, while want is being secure in yourself but liking that he be an addition to you, that you could live without him if need be.
I only know this by talking to thousands of guys about this.
A woman who has the self-confidence enough to want, to desire, and not be attached gets the love from any man she wants.
Most women are in fact needy, and it’s not their fault (it has to do with many factors), but it is completely possible to learn to have confidence and security in yourself.
If you deal with neediness on a day-to-day basis and want to learn how to become self-confident and free of fear, anxiety, neediness, self-doubt or jealousy, then check out my emotional balancing tips.
What Men Find Irresistible Secret #9: Nurturance
Most men enjoy independence in a woman, but men also secretly like to feel taken care of as well.
To most women this comes naturally. The problem is when a man does something hurtful to a woman, she has a tendency to begin to withhold this quality out of either fear or anger.
Osho, an enlightened Indian mystic, once said “a man’s life is a journey to find the happiness he once felt inside the womb of his mother.”
Very deep stuff.
Could you imagine the repercussions if you were able to make him feel this way? You wouldn’t be able to get rid of him!
And there are ways to make him feel this way that I don’t have time to get into right now (that’s what my free email newsletter and programs are for).
The great thing is nurturance is one of your most basic female instincts… Most guys do want that little tiny bit of mommy in a girlfriend.
But because of society, “responsibilities” and the resentment that most women feel unconsciously towards men, women end up losing touch with this part of themselves.
If you’re not nurturing to a man, there’s a good chance that he will feel a level of distrust in your ability to fulfill him emotionally.
What Men Find Irresistible Secret #10: Sexual Adventurousness
Sexual repression makes people very, very… VERY angry and afraid.
Scientists, presidents, poets, hot guys and musicians all agree.
By sexually adventurous I do NOT mean having sex with every person in sight, or having fivesomes in a bathroom stall on Hollywood Blvd.
I simply mean being RELAXED about sex instead of tense, nervous or rejecting of it… and never using it or withholding it as a tool to make a man give you love… because it simply does nothing to make him feel irresistibly in love and attracted to you… in fact it will do the opposite.
If you are alive sexually, you will cause a man to feel a deep sense that you are different from other girls.
He never knows what’s going to happen next… and what happens in the bedrooms carries in a relationship.
If you’re not adventurous sexually, unpredictable and spontaneous then the relationship will turn cold.
Sex is the barometer of a relationship, and what you bring to it will decide how irresistible your man will find you.
It’s easier than you might think to cultivate this way of being, you just have to know how.
What Men Find Irresistible Secret #11: Love
Love… there is not a more significant word in the English language.
What do I mean about “love” in the context of making men irresistibly attracted and in love with you?
There are two types of people.
One who lives life in fear, and the other who lives life in love.
Most people tend to live in fear. i.e. fear of being left, not being loved, pain, being cheated on, being left, and the list goes on.
Believe it or not, living in constant fear and worry can kill a man’s attraction for you and cause him to pull away.
Men universally are drawn to women who live a life of love, positivity, joy, creativity and keeps worry and fear to a minimum.
The fact is this type of woman is rare. Unfortunately most women live in constant fear, worry, self-judgment, guilt and anxiety.
Further, when you base your actions with men off of fear-based emotions, you’re bound to act in a way that predisposes you to lose attraction and love from men.
Living positively has to be learned… and it can be learned.
I’m going to share with you a secret that has taken me years to understand.
A woman filled with love in her heart, who sees dance, celebration and music everywhere she goes is the most desirable quality a woman can posses to a man.
Love is not weak…. it is PURE POWER.
What Men Find Irresistible Secret #12: Integrity
A woman who has real values and sticks up for herself is like a beacon of light to a man.
Most women say one thing and do another. When you do this with a man, you will lose his trust and respect… two very critical ingredients to being irresistible to a man.
For instance many women will tell a friend they love them, and then talk negatively about them behind their back to gain approval from other friends. I have to sit down with them and get them thinking of what they stand for and believe in… and drop the addiction to external approval.
Most women don’t understand why they feel so much insecurity and constant worry in life.
It’s because they never develop a sense of integrity and the feeling of self-respect and love that comes with it.
Most men don’t value women who don’t value themselves.
Integrity creates sanity. It’s one of the few things you come into the world with, and its one of the easiest things to take for granted and sell to try to be accepted by others.
It’s a delicate balance and you must understand how to balance it correctly.
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.