by Charu Amar
It’s not that women cannot take true criticism from their man or expect praises all the time. But what they actually expect is that criticism should come in a softer and suggestive manner,
Better not take it as the last verdict, for irrespective of how much you trust and adore your little angel, women do lie to their significant others at times.
Sometimes to carry off a situation without hurting his feelings or to save herself from trouble, while on occasions to contain her emotions and pose as Ms. Goody…popping casual, white lies is no big deal for women when it comes to playing it safe in the relationship.
White lies are no big blunders or massive betrayals, but small lies or ‘truth manipulated’ to handle a situation. At times she might fib to make her man feel better, to avoid a fight, or an embarrassing situation.
Here’s a little help so that men can figure out when their adorable darling is not speaking her heart out and help them handle the situation with care…
Lie #1: “Oh! It’s fine. I’m OK”
Guards on guys! You must know that she’s not fine at all and nothing is OK. And sooner or later you will have to bear the burnt of her pent up emotions that she has somehow managed to hold back until now. You’ll find her taking this emotional defense on occasions when you may have forgotten her birthday, taken her for granted or have done anything that hurts her.
“Whenever my girlfriend lets go off my not so fatal error with a cool ‘it’s fine’, I know it’s nothing but the calm before a cyclone that I am fated to face in the time to come,” shares Sandeep Sharma, a Delhi-based management student.
To portray that she doesn’t care, the emotional lady prefers taking a refuge in this lie. Charu Marwah, a software engineer admits, “I prefer staying that ‘It’s OK’ because if I react I’ll be blamed of being a constant cribber, who is in complaining mode always. Though, I actually want him to go down on his knees and plead forgiveness.”
Lie detector: Well, an experienced lover would know of the crime that he has committed, but the amateurs should look out for her reactions. She might not get vocal, but will do everything to make you feel guilty about the fact that you have hurt her. From being tight-lipped to giving the briefest responses that don’t go beyond ‘hmms, huhs or yes and no’, to mean tones and loads of sarcasm – are a few hints that you can look out for. “Women have a tendency of expecting their man to understand the said, as well as the unsaid, and that leaves men in a dicey situation. And even here, by keeping quiet or going away with a small ‘I’m fine’, she expects him to know that she’s hurt,” explains psychologist, Dr. Aruna Broota.
…and I don’t want you to change. Well, may God be your saviour if you believe her for this. No wonders, if sheer pampering or impressing you might strictly be on her mind when she’s saying this. “I just loved my wife whenever she averred this phrase. But gradually the knick-picking started and reality dawned upon me. At times it was my eating choice that bugged her, while at others it was my dressing style that she wanted to improve. Yet she continued to tell the blatant lie that she loved me for what I was,” complained Madhukar Suhas, a Mumbai-based advertising professional.
Agreed, that you don’t like this lie. But just imagine how it would feel if on your face she told you much she hated your paunch or how bad you looked in those lose-fitted denims. Thank her appreciating you taking care of your confidence levels.
“What do I do? I have to blow his trumpet when he does the right thing. After all, it was his qualities only that I married him for. And also, it becomes important to boost his confidence at times and those words just have the right impact,” says Madhu Chandra, a Delhi-based-teacher.
Lie detector: If you start observing the occasions when she backs this mushy phrase, you might just realise she’s not lying at all. On most of the occasions it comes when you have made her happy with anything like a gift, a movie, a romantic dinner or for that matter by doing anything and everything that she loves. You were good to her and that’s your innate quality, which made her fall for you.
Lie # 3: You stare, I don’t care!
Either you are too lucky to have the coolest woman by your side, or you are getting an inflated ego without any reason if you believe her on this. No matter how hard she tries to look cool and composed, but the fact remains that no woman loves it when her man ogles at another woman. “After all, who wants to feel like second best? And the ‘I don’t care attitude’ is usually to hide the vulnerability and a pretence. Most women hate their man staring at another woman,” confesses Radhika Khattar, a Delhi-based housewife.
Lie detector: She doesn’t want to show you how she’s feeling and is no less desperate to tell you that you are torturing her to the core. Well, easy indications to know she’s lying can be the trail of questions she’ll end up asking you. Casually and candidly she’ll ask you things like ‘Isn’t she hot?’ ‘What makes her so hot? ‘Did you like her?’ She might appear to be your best buddy, but actually she wants to ask you, ‘Do I score less that the chic you are ogling at?’ And your answer will decide your fate not immediately, but definitely in the future, so better beware of what you say!
Lie # 4: Your friends are cool!
This might not be a lie always, but many a times your friends are nothing but a ‘passion spoiler’ for your girl, especially when they pop up during private moments. “When we started dating, on many occasions we went out with my friends. And every time I used to ask her, ‘I hope you are enjoying?’ she answered, ‘They’re cool!’ The real shock came when one day I was planning another group date and she gave me a good piece of her mind. It’s then that I realised that she didn’t love them as much I thought she did. But she could have initially told me,” says Rajat Sarin, a 20-year-old college student.
“Most of the times women end up praising your friends for you. They don’t want to hurt you by revealing the truth and hope that you’ll understand without saying, which usually doesn’t happen,” explains psychologist, Dr Sameer Parekh.
Lie detector: A sure shot hint to the lie is written on her face. Despite being in the group she’ll remain an outsider. The smile that’s usually worth a million dollars might just look purely artificial and forced. Her replies to all your enquiries will end in a cover up lie, ‘I’m fine sweet heart’ or ‘I’m enjoying myself’ and that takes you to Lie #1. So, when you get something like this from your girl, understand that you are getting into too much buddy-bonding!
Lie # 5: Tell me, trust me I won’t get angry
This one is tricky, leaving you with a ditch on one side and a bigger ditch on the other. This lie is usually thrown at you when she wants an honest opinion and knows what it can be, but still wants to hear it. Beware guys! Irrespective of what you say, she is going to get furious for sure. This usually happens in questions related to her looks, the food that she cooks, that tangy orange shirt she brought for you etc.
“Sometimes it is tough to handle. Once, my wife asked my honest opinion on a super tight dress that she had worn. And, I told her honestly that she was looking like a stuffed pillow and she was mad at me. Taking cues from my past experience; on another occasion I did my best to flatter her. To my sheer surprise, even that made her angry and she blamed me for not being a fair critic,” complains Suraj Malhotra, a Delhi-based architect.
Lie detector: Well, there’s no detector for this one, for undoubtedly she’s lying. Then what’s the solution? Answers Parekh, “It’s not that women cannot take true criticism from their man or expect praises all the time. But what they actually expect is that criticism should come in a softer and suggestive manner, rather than a striking taunt on her looks. So, without being too critical or over flattering, just tell her that she needs to work out on her minuses.”
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.