7 most overlooked relationship killers

By Terri Orbuch, PhD

black-couple bed

Many couples only talk about what’s going wrong in their relationships. But couples that also focus on what’s working well—on the glass half full—are much happier over time than those who purely try to “fix” their problems.

1. Skipping me-time.

Among unhappy couples, more people point to a lack of privacy or time for themselves as the reason (11.5%) than they do to their sex lives (6%).

 2. Staying mum on “minor” annoyances.

A lot of couples sweep little annoyances and pet peeves under the rug. Over time, though, small everyday irritations can add up and put a relationship on life support.

 3. Holding on to feelings about exes.

Expending energy on a past love can be deadly. Men and women who say, “I don’t feel much of anything for my ex” are more likely to be happy in their present relationship.

 4. Keeping old secrets, even small ones.

Ninety percent of people in happy relationships say they “never” feel that their partners aren’t completely truthful about their past.

 5. Sparing little signs of affection or approval.

Too many couples wait for special occasions, such as birthdays, anniversaries, or Hallmark-type holidays, to express loving feelings to one another. Sometimes a goodbye peck on the cheek or a thoughtful compliment is all it takes to make a partner feel loved and appreciated.

 6. Spending too much or too little time with the parents.

Married couples are 20% less likely to divorce when a man feels close to his mother-in-law. When women feel close to their in-laws, however, the couple is 20% more likely to divorce.

 7. Seeing the glass half empty.

Many couples only talk about what’s going wrong in their relationships. But couples that also focus on what’s working well—on the glass half full—are much happier over time than those who purely try to “fix” their problems.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

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