by Naomi Louise
It is not about plucking confidence out of thin air and telling yourself you are things that you may not feel you are, but about giving yourself a break and stopping a nasty habit before that habit defines you.
Putting yourself down is so not on, stop putting yourself down and no longer let a single negative word about yourself pass your lips. The ways in which putting yourself down effects your life are endless, but on the flipside all you have to do is stop putting yourself down to start putting things right. Here are only 8 of the oodles of reasons as to why if you have not got anything nice to say about yourself, then you shouldn’t say anything at all…
1.THOUGHTS TO DESTINY
“Sow a thought and you reap an action; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
I love this quote, but what is it doing here you may ask? Just as if you make it a habit out of being positive you will create for yourself a bright future; if you make a habit out of putting yourself down, you’ll create a life which gives you plenty of reasons to continue putting yourself down. Intentionally or not, if you continue to berate yourself out loud or in your head, you are personally mapping out your own journey of self dislike, negativity and insecurities. Doesn’t seem so smart now does it?
2. PEOPLE WHO LIKE TO HEAR IT ARE NOT WORTH IT…
… and people who are worth it don’t want to hear it. If you continuously put yourself down to your friends, if they are any type of a friend then they won’t stand for it. And if they let you go on and on and even join in, then they may be a little down on themselves as well and your self put downs give give them a little pick me up. No good friend needs an insecure friend to feel better about themselves.
3. WHAT IF THE SHOE WAS ON THE OTHER FOOT?
Pretend for a second that the criticisms you have about yourself are actually criticisms that your best friend has about herself. Would you accept them as true? Would you sit there and let her put herself down or would you tell her to snap out of it and realize how amazing she is? If it is not okay for someone you love to put themselves down then it is not okay for you to put yourself down.
4. WHAT REACTION ARE YOU EXPECTING?
You may not sit there for hours giving yourself a verbal bashing, but even with a small comment like, “Oh, I can’t believe how much weight I have put on,’’ what reply are you hoping for? There are only a few options and none of them are favourable…
– A compliment in return. If you say something bad about yourself in order to hear something good then not only is it obvious but it’s one of the lowest forms of attention seeking. No-one likes someone who fishes for compliments.
– Confirmation. Who really wants to hear someone agree with them when they put themselves down? No-one.
– Nothing. This ones an odd one, because if someone ignores your comment then you are stuck wondering are they ignoring me because they don’t think it’s true or because they think it’s true and they don’t have the heart to tell me?! Paranoia.
5. IT AIN’T PRETTY
To put it simply, putting yourself down is not hot. If your plan is to meet and keep a confident, smart, sexy guy/girl, then you’ll need to up your game. People who like themselves tend to be attracted to other people who like themselves, let’s call it an innate primal instinct that causes people to be drawn to people who they would be well suited with. In order to bag your ‘ideal’ guy/girl you need to stop putting yourself down and start having a little confidence in yourself.
6. WHAT’S THE POINT?
Unless you actually plan to change whatever it is you keep berating yourself for, what use is there in complaining about it? It’s like saying you have smelly breath and not brushing your teeth. It just makes no sense. As the saying goes, ‘put up or shut up;’ either change what you don’t like or accept it and move the hell on… for everybody’s sake.
7. BOXING YOURSELF IN
Every time you say you are this or that, or you label yourself as something, you are defining yourself to one characteristic or trait when you are so much more than that. If you tell yourself you are ‘always late’ or ‘look like crap’ then you are defining yourself with a bunch of nasty sentences and words. No one is one thing, mood, trait or habit and nothing is permanent. If you are late today, so you are late today. Leave it at that and let tomorrow be an open book onto which you write (with love) who you really are.
Making a conscious effort to stop putting yourself down is a step in the right direction. It is not about plucking confidence out of thin air and telling yourself you are things that you may not feel you are, but about giving yourself a break and stopping a nasty habit before that habit defines you. I think there is a lot to be said to showing yourself a little kindness and TLC. Has anyone made a conscious effort to stop talking trash about themselves? Does anyone struggle with this? What do you think/feel when people put themselves down around you?
Read this article in All Women Stalk
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.