by Ankush Bahuguna
With women, you should really know when to stop. If you had just said the first part of it, you would’ve had the best sex of your life. But by adding the second part to it, you just pulled the trigger, let alone eroding every chance of getting laid.
1. “Man, isn’t that girl hot?”
Yes, she is. You know it, we know it, and your girlfriend knows it too. But do you really want her to answer this rhetorical question? And if ‘that girl’ happens to be her sister/ friend, you’re in for some real trouble. We understand you cannot wait to get your hands on her. We know what’s on your mind. But do not let those words out until you’re in the safe company of your guy-friends.
2. “Your friends are crazy!”
So is she. But save it. Once she hears you calling her friends ‘crazy’, she’ll up the bar beyond your imagination. You hate that friend of hers who cannot stop giggling and shrieking, and that one whose mouth runs faster than a sewing machine and definitely the gossip monger. You sometimes wish they were all guys so you could give them black eyes. We all do. But no matter how much they put you off, never say it aloud.
3. “What are you wearing?”
Yeah we know, she does that to you too, a lot. And that’s another harsh reality of the world we share with women. The girl you’re dating may say you’re too old to wear your favourite shoes, but there is nothing that cannot look good on her. Even if she dresses up one step ahead of Lady Gaga, just appreciate her. Close your eyes and imagine that hot girl from the bar if it gets too difficult. It’s all fine as long as you compliment her.
4. “You’re free to do what you want. But don’t force me into it”
With women, you should really know when to stop. If you had just said the first part of it, you would’ve had the best sex of your life. But by adding the second part to it, you just pulled the trigger, let alone eroding every chance of getting laid. Not only does she want you to let her do what she wants to, she demands slavery from you. Surrender, or – let’s not even think about what may happen if you don’t.
5. “Stop overreacting”
You would know what overreacting really means once you dare to say that to your girl. No woman overreacts. Haven’t you seen Ekta Kapoor’s soaps? If you left the toilet seat up, it obviously calls for your girlfriend screaming her lungs out, letting the whole colony know what just happened and ultimately filing a lawsuit against you. You should’ve seen that coming.
6. “Why don’t you hit the gym?”
She is a trend setter. It was she who got flab back in fashion, definitely not some Vidya Balan. Didn’t you know? She doesn’t need to keep in shape. Gym is for imperfect people. Of course, she’d be annoyed. Instead, tell her how fantastic she looks spilling out of that tight dress.
7. “No, you’re wrong!”
Oh, no no! Get this etched in your mind. Never say that the girlfriend is wrong. That’s the worst thing you could say to her. The girlfriend ‘cannot’ be wrong. Just like she wants people to believe she is twenty five for another ten years, it is your duty as a boyfriend to always accept that you’re wrong. You don’t want people to write ‘R.I.P.’ messages for you on Facebook the next day.
Weigh your words as if you’re on a gunpoint, unless you want her to actually put you on it. Chances are, even if you’re at your careful best, she may still find loopholes and make you run for life.
And do not forget to clear this article from your internet history. Save yourself from the horror of her finding it out, and us too. We do not hold any responsibility for any crime hereafter.
Read this article in MENSXP
Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.
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