by Heather Williams
Men are complicated creatures, and there are things to know about men that can make all that relationship stuff a little bit easier to deal with. I do not claim to be an expert by any means, but I have dealt with my fair share of boyfriends, brothers, father figures, and other male family members.
Those experiences have taught me a few key things to know about men that I’d like to share with you. Knowing these things can help you establish longer and healthier relationships for years to come, or at least improve the ones you have right now.
1. IT’S ALL ABOUT THE EGO
Like it or not, one of the most important things to know about men is that their ego is important. An ego is a sense of pride within oneself, and men generate a healthy ego in different ways than women do. They like to be told when they do something well, they like to be asked for help with certain things they are good at, and they like to be able to provide, which is why many put success over personal matters. Men’s egos are also important to nourish as well. If you’re in a relationship, compliment them, support them, and nourish the part of them that feels the need to be a “man” for you.
2. THEY’RE PROVIDERS
As I mentioned, most men see it as their role to provide. They see themselves as the protector and provider for women, families, and themselves. This can be a good thing as long as you recognize other actions come from this motivator. For instance, your man might spend more hours at the office than you wish, or freak out over money for this reason. Or it can be the reason he doesn’t want you to go to work, or wants to be able to take care of you. It’s their job and their role. It also strokes their ego, just by doing so, as most men see it.
3. THEY’RE SELF CONSCIOUS TOO
Because men have higher egos, we often think they don’t suffer from low self esteem, but that’s not true. Men just usually hide it better. The truth is, they’re self conscious just like you are, with their body, with their role in the workforce, and how you see them. Be aware of this without directly talking to them about it- that just makes things worse. Instead, compliment them and support them. Tell them how proud of them you are, etc. Just like you like to receive support, compliments, and reassurance, so do they.
4. TESTOSTERONE RULES
Another factor to know about men is that testosterone has much to do with their high sex drive and thoughts about sex around the clock. It gives them more energy, helps them burn more fat, fuels their aggressiveness, and influences their attitudes about other things. Just like estrogen affects us, testosterone affects men greatly. Low levels of testosterone can be just as important to recognize if your man is low in energy, gaining weight without other reasons, has a low libido, or doesn’t seem to care about much.
5. THEY’RE NOT VOID OF EMOTIONS
Your man may try to act like a rock, and like a man of steel, but he is far from it. He has emotions just like you and he’s sensitive to things, whether he acts like it or not. Men’s emotions have to be dealt with delicately, and if you’re finding it hard to understand his emotions when he won’t talk to you, then consider letting him alone for awhile and letting him sort through them on his own to see if things improve.
6. THEY’RE NOT PERFECT
Listen, no man is ever going to be the knight in shining armor that we think of when we think of Prince Charming, though some can come pretty close! Men are human, therefore they are imperfect. Recognize that they aren’t supposed to be, nor are they going to be, free of faults or mistakes.
7. THEY’RE NOT ALL GOOD
Lastly, just because men aren’t perfect doesn’t mean all of them are good for you either. The most important thing for you to do in understanding men is to know if your man is a good guy, or a bad one. Are they kind to others? Do they keep secrets? Do they talk down to you? Do they help other people? Are they there for you? Are they supportive of you? These questions are simple, but ones women often overlook when searching for the right man. Be sure you consider these important factors when you’re trying to find the best one for you.
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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.