by Stanley Azuakola

He said “for instance, Sarah Jubril, the Mama One Vote herself, is the president’s special adviser on ethics. I laugh in dollars. Please what is the actual role of an adviser like that in this government?”

APC governors donate to Aso Rock

Opposition governors from the All Progressive Congress visited Maiduguri last week. They addressed the press afterwards, during which they responded to a statement by the PDP chairman, Bamanga Tukur, who said last week that following the appointment of Godswill Akpabio as chairman of PDP Governors Forum, President Jonathan “can now sleep very well. In fact, he can observe siesta.”

The APC governors said that they supported the call by the PDP chairman for the president to sleep. Speaking on behalf of the governors, Gov. Aregbesola of Osun said “If the president has been awake all this while and nothing is working, then by all means he needs to sleep. We are certain that things will move faster if he’s asleep.”

The APC governors who donated N200 million to the Borno and Yobe governments for emergency relief, said that “as part of our Government Social Responsibility, we are also donating a king-sized succulent mattress, 365 pillows, blankets, and assorted pyjamas to Aso Rock, just to make sure that President Jonathan sleeps well, as a sleeping Jonathan is great for Nigeria’s progress.”

“I am now ready for Soyinka” – Dame Jonathan

First lady, Dame Patience Jonathan, is determined to show Nobel Laureate, Wole Soyinka, that she is not scared of taking him on. It would be recalled that during a recent PDP women rally, the first lady had expressed displeasure that Soyinka criticised her over her plan to build a N4 billion mission house. Once again, during a meeting in Cote d’Ivoire with that country’s first lady, Dame Jonathan told her host to ignore whatever criticism she hears about the matter as “my husband will build the house for me whether they like it or not.”

Speaking further, she said, “As for that one who won a ‘Noble’ Laureate, I don’t even know why those people made him noble, but that’s why I’m very happy with you Coted’Ivoire people for giving my husband title of Commandeur de L’Ordre de Nation and for giving me title of Grand Croux da L’Ordre de Nation. So if Soyinka is noble, he can now see that I and my husband are Lords. And Lord is higher than noble so he’s not my level.”

After her speech, her host, Mrs. Outtara whispered in her ears that the ‘L’Ordre’ in her title actually means ‘the order’ and not ‘the Lord’. Mrs Jonathan replied, “I know, that’s what I said.” With a smile on her face, Mrs. Outtara wondered how someone could deny what she just said openly but her Nigerian interpreter told her not to be troubled because “we are used to it now in Nigeria.”

Meanwhile, Mrs Jonathan has scheduled a thanksgiving next Sunday in Abuja to “show appreciation to the Lord that only few months after her resurrection, she has now been exalted as Lord.” She said “It’s the Lord’s doing and it’s marvellous in her sight.” No one was sure which of the Lord’s she meant though, whether her, her husband or the Lord above.

Sanusi hails House of Reps

In a well-intentioned move last week, the Federal House of Representatives threw out a bill which sought to pay people who were not working, declaring that he who is not working does not deserve pay. Reports say that when the CBN governor, Sanusi Lamido Sanusi, heard the news, he organised an impromptu party at the CBN headquarters.

In his short speech during the party, he said that he never believed that Nigerian politicians “could put away selfish interests for the sake of the country like the House members did.” He said that he believed in his heart that the House move does not only affect unemployed graduates, but people who look like they are employed but technically doing nothing. Although he promised to release the comprehensive list of people/offices which fall into that category, he listed some as members of the national assembly, Vice President Namadi Sambo, 90% of the president’s special advisers and many more.

He said “for instance, Sarah Jubril, the Mama One Vote herself, is the president’s special adviser on ethics. I laugh in dollars. Please what is the actual role of an adviser like that in this government? That’s why I agree with the House that no work, no pay.”

CROWNED CLOWN (CeeCee) OF THE WEEK

Very few Nigerians are happy about the current Good Governance Tour being embarked on by the minister of information, Labaran Maku. That’s a fact, no matter the propaganda by the organisers. Something else that is a fact is this: As much as that project is ill-advised, unnecessary and a waste of resources, it was approved by the Federal Executive Council (FEC), the National Executive Council (NEC) and the Nigeria Governors Forum (NGF) as far back as August 2012.

Lagos state is represented by Gov. Fashola in both the NEC and the NGF. That’s why it is the height of mischief to hear the Lagos governor say, “in their [FG’s] desperation to appear busy, they have embarked on an ill-conceived Good Governance Tour, because they have no projects to inspect. We do not need a Good Governance Tour in Lagos before citizens know that their lives are improving.”

Fashola never voiced any opposition when the idea was birthed; in fact, his deputy was on the committee set up by the NGF to ratify the template of the tour. This insincerity is unbecoming of the Lagos governor and he must quit fooling himself and Lagosians forthwith just so he can look good. Gov. Fashola is a clown for being double-tongued and mischievous, and he takes the CeeCee this week.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.