by Cheta Nwanze

The Prez has approved the rather nice sum of N384 billions as a pay off for years of no power. For those of you who need prayers answered, just sashay to the nearest NEPA office. Na for dia e dey happen.

If #DoyinOkupe is to be believed, the state of Nigeria is capable of providing security and justice for its citizens. At least that is what he claimed when he verbally went for the jugular of Prof. Nwabueze a few days ago. It makes it interesting then that the state of Nigeria has failed to find the killers of a member of the National Assembly who was killed in the Jos area. The tit-for-tat killings have been going on in that area for 12 years now, so to a child who was born in Jos twelve years ago, and who has lived there all of his life, NORMAL, means the wails of people as their kith and kin are killed, and then the plotting of vengeance, since it is quite certain that the state will fail to bring the culprits to book. I wonder what the current speaker of the Plateau state House of Assembly has to say following his gymnastic exercise on Tuesday evening. For the records, certain things wrong with The Vanguard’s report: the party on Tuesday night was not a robbery, it was an attempt on the life of Mr. Dabwan. Second, someone should have tried to reach Dabwan. The question he needs to answer whether this is normal.

But then it almost certainly is the normal thing in that part of the country as we pointed out earlier. As normal as NEPA people constantly holding us to ransom. But then again, it could be that the NEPA guys are only demanding their divine rights, and who is to argue that the Lord does not work in mysterious ways? Fresh from multiple prayer sessions in which the Good Lord answered their prayers and had Prof. Nnaji removed from office, the Good Lord has again shown Nigerians that NEPA people have a special place in his heart. The Prez has approved the rather nice sum of N384 billions as a pay off for years of no power. For those of you who need prayers answered, just sashay to the nearest NEPA office. Na for dia e dey happen.

A good prayer point would be on the oil subsidies. You see, the main blazer in the Budget Office has informed us that subsidy payments are unsustainable. Given that our oil marketers have, like the good chaps at NEPA, perfected the art of holding the nation by its collective cojones, expect a rash of queues, black market kegs, coughing generators, and serious fights for the few available buses as the fuel marketers withdraw their products after their payments stop. Trust me, even those of you who work from home will be affected. Egbin will run out of fuel…

Maybe, just maybe, another reason that we will all run out of fuel is the fact that someone, somewhere, knows who is responsible for the fact that at least 65,000 barrels of oil take a walk each day, but that someone is not talking. The biggest hard hat in Shell sang a loud song yesterday: Go tell it on the mountain, over the seas and everywhere that principalities and powers in high places in Nigeria are the ones drinking our crude. Harsh reality is this: a chap like Mutiu Sunmonu most definitely knows what he is talking about. Problem is this: I am almost certain that other principalities and powers in high places know who the drinkards are, but will do nothing about it, and fresh from complaining that he could not arrest Rasheed Maina because of budget constraints, you can tell that poor MD Abubakar would rather look away. Personally, I think he should just hire Dr. Schultz once the budget has been signed.

P.S: Refer to yesterday’s newsletter about the inability to enforce the law.

Bits and bobs

Osaze Odemwingie has learned a thing or two about knives and backs, what with his foray out of the Super Eagles and his near foray into relegation. As a result he has sent Big Boss a warning. Can someone call young Peter and give him a history lesson? Big Boss invented knives in the back. Ask Emma Amuneke.

Apparently, Gowo has a thing for S&M. So he forced a session with an unwilling 14-year old.

Rather than face their collapsing states and get their economies kicking again, members of the Arewa Consultative Forum are more concerned about calls for autonomy.

It would appear that being pregnant is no excuse for being out on sanitation day. After her explanations fell on deaf ears, KAI officials proceeded to deprive Nkechi Omakagu of her pregnancy.

The parrots are running helter-skelter to try and convince us that whenever the Prez (or his people talk), they mean what they are saying. Good luck to them.

Right of reply

Gabriel Osu (reply to Kalu Aja from yesterday’s newsletter)

Re Kalu Aja: anyone CANNOT generate and sell power to people directly…the generated power has to be “sold” to the national grid. Lagos state is under agreement to supply the national grid some percentage of the power generated through her IPP.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.