by Todd Van Luling
You probably shouldn’t do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.
If you happen to be a millennial, you probably realize that the ways you communicate with your peers are a little… strange. Language has gotten to be pretty confusing and nonsensical — after all, what the heck do “wrecking balls” have to do with emotions, and why does it smell like sex and candy?
Here are 15 metaphors from classic millennial songs, which more broadly include some classic “like” or “as” similes, along with our best guesses of an interpretation. Don’t pretend you haven’t used some of these before, and be sure to leave us your favorites in the comments.
1. “She had dumps like a truck.”
“Thong Song” – Sisqo: “Dumps” refers to a woman’s butt, for some reason. “Like a truck” means … large. Together they sound like dump truck. This still doesn’t make sense, and has probably never been used since.
2. “I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly away.”
“I’m Like A Bird” – Nelly Furtado: Often misheard as, “I wanna fly away,” this line is way deeper than you ever thought. You can’t tie Furtado down!
3. “Shake it like a Polaroid picture.”
“Hey Ya!” – Outkast: While you can shake your butts, you’re apparently not actually supposed to shake your Polaroids. When The Huffington Post asked André 3000 about what this meant, he replied, “I have no idea! In rap, lyric writing is what comes to mind, that was just the visual I had.”
4. “Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle.”
“Ice Ice Baby” – Vanilla Ice: In this line, Ice boasts about being able to beat, or “wax,” any “chump,” or loser, in a rap battle. Ice was lying.
5. “Don’t go chasing waterfalls.”
“Waterfalls” – TLC: This R&B trio was warning us not to go chasing things that are beautiful but might actually hurt you. Sometimes seemingly wonderful things can be powerful and unpredictable. Niagara Falls surprisingly wouldn’t be the best partner.
6. “You’re my wonderwall.”
“Wonderwall” – Oasis: We don’t know what a wonderwall actually is, but we’re willing to guess that it’s a metaphor for something.
7. “You are my fire.”
“I Want It That Way” – The Backstreet Boys: A.J. always had a pyromaniac vibe to him.
8. “The world is a vampire.”
“Bullet With Butterfly Wings” – Smashing Pumpkins: Vampires suck blood. The world sucks, in a more general sense. Pumpkins were trying to reference their status as “goth-kid” heroes and point out that we sometimes all live in a pretty sh*tty place.
9. “Your body is a wonderland.”
“Your Body Is A Wonderland” – John Mayer: Your body is some psychedelic alternate reality that you need to go through a rabbit hole to get to?
10. “So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.”
“The Bad Touch” – Bloodhound Gang: The Discovery Channel used to feature television shows about animals. Remember that? Well sometimes those animals mated. The Bloodhound Gang wanted to do it like these animals.
11. “When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet.”
“Summer Girls” – LFO: In a song that makes absolutely zero sense, this simile is a rare lucid moment.
12. “But Fonda ain’t got a motor in the back of her Honda, my anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, hon.”
“Baby Got Back” – Sir Mix-A-Lot: In possibly the most straightforward song of all time, the knight of mixing finds some poetic lyricism.
13. “I’m a genie in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way.”
“Genie In A Bottle” – Christina Aguilera: A genie is a mythical creature that grants wishes to whomever frees it from its vessel. Aguilera wants you to free her by, er, “rubbing” her, so she can grant you some wishes, if ya know what she means.
14. “Chickity China the Chinese chicken, you have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin’, watchin’ X-Files with no lights on, we’re dans la maison, I hope the Smoking Man’s in this one, like Harrison Ford I’m getting frantic, like Sting I’m tantric, like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy.”
“One Week” – Barenaked Ladies: I spy chicken meataphor, sprinkled in with some similes and other nonsensical storytelling.
15. “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.”
“Milkshake” – Kelis: In the traditional sense, milkshakes are desserts that you drink. In this song, Kelis’ “milkshake” is her body, which is sexy and will draw boys from all around. We don’t really understand how this makes sense, but damn right, her milkshake is better than ours.
Read more in Huffington Post
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