by Stanley Azuakola

As long as the opposition keeps acting like spoilt kids, the PDP would be celebrating a landslide in 2015

Tinubu Mythology Contest

The Osun State Governor, Rauf Aregbesola is sponsoring a South-West wide “Tinubu Mythology Contest,” as part of activities to mark the 60th birthday anniversary of the A.C.N leader, Bola Ahmed Tinubu.

According to Aregbesola, the contest has become imperative because it’s “time for Tinubu, the third greatest ever Yoruba after Oduduwa and Awolowo, to be transformed into a mythological character worthy of mention in folklores and fables.” The competition calls on all interested participants to select any part of Tinubu’s life and weave a tall tale around it. The winner would receive one free advert slot on The Nation newspaper as well as an autographed pair of goggles from the great Tinubu himself. 

FAQs about the PDP

Following PDP’s recent national convention, the media has been agog with reports about the party. A Pinch…has compiled some of the frequently asked questions (FAQs) about the PDP and has provided standard, indisputable answers.

1. Is the PDP a great party? Yes it is a ‘grate’ party. It grates and grinds every opposition and common sense on its path.

2. Is the PDP the worst party? Yes. It is tied for worst together with the 49 other parties.

3. Will the PDP win the 2015 elections? No. Winning is an understatement. As long as the opposition keeps acting like spoilt kids, the PDP would be celebrating a landslide in 2015.

4. Is there hope for youths in the PDP? Yes there is. But children below 40 are not allowed. Only bona fide youths (preferably above 60 like their national youth leader) qualify.

5. Why does the PDP have the best national spread? Because just like its new national chairman Bamanga Tukur, it does not play politics; it shares pastries especially national cake to all under its umbrella.

NLC to strike over minimum age

The Nigeria Labour Congress (NLC) has threatened to embark on an indefinite strike if the Federal Government doesn’t immediately declare a new minimum age. The NLC said this has become necessary due to the alarming number of old men claiming to be youths nowadays. In a press release, the NLC president said, “In the build-up to the 2011 elections, we saw men like Nuhu Ribadu and Dele Momodu, both aged 51, claim to be youths. Now the PDP has overreached itself by anointing a 60-year old man as its national youth leader. The average life expectancy of a Nigerian is 48 years, so if we call a 60-year-old a youth, it means that the average Nigerian dies as a child. That’s unbelievable. We must have a well-defined minimum age in order to progress.” It would be recalled that Nigeria is a signatory to the African Youth Charter which defines a youth as any person between the ages of 15 and 35.

CROWNED CLOWN (CeeCee) OF THE WEEK

“Politics without principles,” said the great Mahatma Gandhi, “is a deadly sin.”  Enter Adamu Aliero, former Kebbi State governor; formerly of the ANPP, then PDP, then CPC, and now PDP again. Not exactly unusual in Nigeria, but shameful nonetheless. Aliero, and his political son, Abubakar Mallam, the CPC governorship candidate in the 2011 elections played the harlot last week by decamping to the PDP just days before the re-run elections.

These are the same people who described PDP’s victory in 2011 as “fraudulent,” and contested the results up to the Supreme Court, where they won. Interestingly, a few days before they decamped, they held a rally in which they swore to remain with the CPC come rain, come shine. But their words obviously mean zilch to them. Perhaps it’s too much of an ask to demand that the Alieros and Mallams of this world aspire to the ideals of Gandhi; still, we should never get used to the incontinence of men who do not recognise when they’ve stooped too low. Aliero and Mallam should be ashamed of their actions. They are deserving joint recipients of the CeeCee this week.

Follow A Pinch…on twitter @stanleyazuakola

Editor’s Note: A Pinch of Salt… is satire – a riff off news over the past week.