From Women’s Health
“All those people who told you ‘good girls don’t’ were literally talking about girls—and you’re a woman now.”
An estimated 10 to 15 percent of women do not experience orgasm (the fancy term is anorgasmic). All is not lost, however. “The chances are good that you’re physically capable of having an orgasm,” says ob-gyn Lissa Rankin, M.D., founder of the online health and wellness community OwningPink.com.
Some common saboteurs to consider:
You Have Body Hang-Ups
Too many women begin the self-scrutiny the moment things turn sexy, which can kill an orgasm faster than a cold shower. The fix: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Worried about a down-there smell? Pull your guy into a (warm!) shower for a carnal scrub-down. Plagued by heat-of-the-moment thoughts of what your thighs look like? Zero in on the physical sensations of what he’s doing to you at that very second. Now..what was that about cellulite?
You Feel Guilty
Ah, guilt. Nothing spoils the fun of a steamy sack session quite like it. “Lots of women have been buried under an avalanche of ‘bad girl’ messages,” says Solot. “They got the memo that sex and pleasure are naughty, and they try to stay away from it, consciously or not.” Unless you have more serious sources of guilt or trauma (such as past sexual abuse, which would require psychotherapy), try giving yourself a pep talk. “You have to convince yourself that you’re a grownup who’s allowed to enjoy grown-up sexuality,” says Solot. “All those people who told you ‘good girls don’t’ were literally talking about girls—and you’re a woman now.” Damn straight.
You Got Hammered
Sure, a glass or two will loosen you up for a night of fun—but stay the course by limiting yourself to a light buzz. Too much alcohol can dampen your arousal.
You Don’t Know Your Own Equipment
If you’re not hitting the highest notes with your guy, you might need to get more familiar with yourself. Check your schedule. Can you pencil yourself in? Splendid. “The most important aspect for any woman wanting to become orgasmic is to explore her own body and discover what she likes, what feels good, and how to have orgasms alone before engaging in sex with a partner,” says sexologist Betty Dodson, Ph.D., author of Sex for One. Then you can share your techniques when you’re with your guy, instead of expecting him to “give” you an O, says Solot.
You Have a Health Issue
Some health conditions, like diabetes and multiple sclerosis, can affect nerves and thus orgasmic potential. If you’re dealing with depression, certain antidepressants (and other prescription meds) can also interfere with your ability to climax. Talk with your doctor about your options. You may benefit from drug-free therapies or other medications that don’t come with sexual side effects.