When I was first asked to write this piece I really didn’t know where to start. I guess because the year in review 2015 was meant to be the year where everything changed in my life – for the better.

I did everything right; from fasting at the beginning of the year, to tithing. I made bold decisions – you know the phrase, to get something you have never done before you need to do something you have never done before.

I set huge goals and sowed my savings into my dreams. I loved freely, and believed whole heartedly. I could go on but I guess you get my drift.

Unfortunately the year I had imagined didn’t come to fruition; it was in fact the toughest year of my life. Starting out by leaving a company prematurely based on an amazing international deal, that pretty much ended before it even began.

I sowed into other projects and eventually my well ran dry. But while all this was going on in my world and I was in the worst pain ever – because disappointment can leave you heart sore.

I got to see and experience God in the most amazing ways, just whenever I thought I was done. I would get a call, a deal- a life line. The best part is to the rest of the world it looked like my life was okay, all because God covered me by His love in the most amazing ways.

With regards to my relationship with myself; I went through my moments, most of the time I felt like a fraction of the person I was, and was upset with myself for not being smarter.

You see, when you have had a career where doors of blessings just open up for you and you are able to walk through them. It’s hard when they don’t open as easily.

But, in all that’s happened. I’m grateful. I’m grateful because, I experienced the worst in so many ways; things I thought would kill me. And I’m still standing. I’m grateful because I thought I would be bitter but I still wake up with joy.

I’m grateful because I thought I would have lost faith & hope in my dreams and Gods ability to fulfil them and I’m more confident than ever that He will.

The biggest lesson I learned – is that even when you are on your God given path and you are doing right, things can still go wrong. But you need to keep on moving. I am grateful because I have genuinely become fearless.

I have courage that I didn’t know existed within me. I’m grateful because I’ve found that even tears and wanting to give up aren’t a bad thing – they are a growth thing. And just like rose gardens need pruning; my life needed a lot of that too.  For me success has less to do with what I achieve but the person that I’m becoming.

Don’t get it twisted; I’m not glorifying pain, heartache or struggle, betrayal or unanswered prayers at all. It’s horrible and would rather never experience it again. But I am saying that when you get to that part in your life where it feels hard and nothing works -which everyone will experience.

Just remember that back in the day, before digital cameras, photographs were developed in dark rooms. The image taken was pretty much only in the photographer’s mind’s eye and bringing them out a moment too soon , meant they would be damaged.

So while darkness is hard, it also has its purpose and can help you redefine and redevelop your life, so when you come out of it, you are better than you’ve been before.

I look forward to 2016 because I look forward to walking into new amazing things, not because the world is better, but because I have changed been pruned and am more ready to handle the next level of blessing. And I look forward to trying again.

I don’t know if this piece is inspiring, but for me it’s truth. And maybe if we all share our truth everyone would feel like they were normal too. Because in this world of social media ,we have become accustomed to selling a lifestyle to be accepted, when it’s all said and done we all go through the same thing.

I wish I had a cute slogan like “2016 the year of dreams.” However, I do have this to say: Proverbs 13:12-14 (The Message Version says) “unrelenting disappointment can make the heartsick but a sudden good break can turn your life around.” I pray that in the area you need this most to come true, that it happens.

I will also say you are competing with no one, but yourself because the destiny that God has for you is different from anyone else’s.

Here’s to a 2016 where we are courageous enough to tell the truth, be the truth and live out our truth. Where some days we are unstoppable and others are a little challenging but we still make it through.

All my love.

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30 Days of Gratitude is a month-long series curated by Leading Ladies Africa. It chronicles the unique experiences of different African women, and presents them the opportunity to share their, life-learned lessons, dreams& aspirations, and their hopes for the future.

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