No more time wasting: 5 steps to making him propose in 2013

by Mathias Wandera

Drop the marriage talk already because I swear the more you go on about wanting to be my wife, the less I will want it.

As we made our way into 2012, you said a silent prayer asking God to please open Derrick’s eyes or whoever your Romeo is and make him realise that a lifetime commitment was the next step in line. You hoped that someday this year, he would, somehow, get down on one knee and slide a ring down your finger.

Disheartening though, we are pulling down the curtain on this year and walking into 2013, and there is no ring from Derrick. Prince Charming has dug his heels in and it does not look like he will be posing the big question anytime soon. Rather than give up, it is time to change the game plan;

The right way to put your point across 

The last thing a man wants to risk is proposing to a woman he is not even sure is interested in settling down with him. It is alright therefore that you make him aware of your interest in a lifetime commitment. However, the way most women express their interest is the problem. Many men fear commitment.

That is a fact. We are indeed slow to warm up to the idea of marriage, therefore we need time. Time to contemplate and take a decision only, and only, when we feel you are the right woman and it is the right time. So what you the woman should do is to, fine, tell me of how you hope that in the near future you would like to get married and start a family, just so I’m aware. Now, do not make that a daily song.

Drop the marriage talk already because I swear the more you go on about wanting to be my wife, the less I will want it. Make marriage the man’s idea not yours.

The business of lecturing me about how we should be saving up and finding a better apartment, only piles on the pressure making settling down begin to appear less attractive.

Do not leave clues around the house

It is so unfortunate that most women think this thing actually works. I know of this guy whose girlfriend always made it a point to drop those not-so-subtle clues. She repeatedly left bridal magazines in full view, always placed a brochure showcasing engagement rings right in the middle of the living room and such things. He knew what she was up to, it just wasn’t working. In fact, it did not work. This kind of behaviour just creates resentment. It makes the man feel like he is being choked into something he is not sure he wants. So ladies, for 2013, bargaining for a ring this way may guarantee more failure than success.

Do not try to make him jealous 

I totally disagree with the popular opinion among women that if you flirt around with other bulls and make your man jealous, he will opt for marriage as a way of keeping you to himself. Whoever offered you this jewel of advice, lied. No man wants you to play around with his heart and feelings. Making a man jealous will not make him crave a commitment. Do not be shocked when he instead asks you to go get married to that other man you keep making calls to and showering with praises over the phone.

Pull back and make him feel your absence

Granted, every man will want to marry a woman who shows the greatest love, affection and admiration towards him. But I know of a number of women who, in a bid to express happiness, love and devotion to their men, go an extra mile to offer their entire body and soul and are convinced it will get the question coming. Big mistake my sister! My advice is that you pull back a bit, both emotionally and physically, because no man is going to push for anything beyond dating if he is already getting all his needs met. Pull back. Make me want to marry you. I need to feel your absence. Make me feel just how awful life would be without you and realise that the only way to keep you around and re-affirm my lifetime joy and happiness is to simply commit.

Now, the key principle

One thing though, always remember that when dealing with men and proposals, patience is key. The moment you are sure you are doing everything right, sit back and leave everything to him, and perhaps God, for He knows who your suitor will be, and when you will step on the marital ship. And please do not think of taking matters in your hands and proposing to him. From my own point of view, there is everything wrong with a woman proposing marriage to a man but do not get me started on that too.

May 2013 be your magical year in love.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.

Comments (2)

  1. I didn't realize women needed to "make a man propose". If you need to take any extra steps at all to get a guy to propose, something's not right; most likely you're allowing your desire for a family to overwhelm you and surpass his own desire. You might get him to propose, but wait for part 2 article on keeping your guy loving you in the marraige.

    My own advice would be: control desire; shift focus to other things within your control, such as career, spiritual life, family you have at the moment. And like Rebakah (biblical), you will be sought out and found and loved throughout.

    This is not to detract from this article though. Cos if you want to "make" a man propose, the strategy above should work,

    Nice article by the way.

  2. You couldn't have hit the nail on the head any harder! Felt like this dropped right outta my head! (No pun intended)

    I think this will be very useful to all d bachelorettes out there..especially the ones who let

    peer and societal pressure to turn them to desperados..

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