It’s official! People at Vanguard Newspapers have lost their mind & soul and now they need sexual healing

Or how else do you explain this?

Someone at Vanguard Newspapers is suffering from an impoverished sexual life and suddenly everything makes sense.

This is the third time in one year (keep in mind we are not even halfway through the year yet) that we have had to write about what is going on at Vanguard Newspapers. The first time, it was a headline about a certain Buhari undergoing penis surgery. Obviously, if Buhari is undergoing a penis surgery, it’s big news and we’d all love to read about it if the Presidency did not already put out a statement. Which made that kind of headline the perfect “click-bait” since Vanguard was not really talking about the President but some other person named ‘Buhari’.

[In case you missed it: Are Vanguard and Punch trying to be funny?]

That was mildly irritating but only because it was put out at a time when “the actual Buhari” was being rumoured to be undergoing treatment in London for unspecified ailment(s). We stopped short of calling the headline cruel despite the sheer bad taste of it.

Then came the second goof. This time, it was Minister Fayemi’s response to the tweet that drew The Presidential Blog’s attention. Vanguard had goofed with their click bait_ey headlines again. They asked: singer, “Harrysong Marries One-Eyed lover?” as the headline to a news article that was clear as day that the singer was not married to a one-eyed lover.

[The Presidential Blog: Minister Fayemi’s clap back at Vanguard will make you laugh]

Minister Fayemi, obviously unfamiliar with the publication’s antics must have clicked on the story and upon finding out the falsehood, had to go back to Twitter to ask: “But why this kind of headline?”

By this time, we figured Vanguard had made a choice between acting within reason and directing all easily tricked minds to their site by every means possible – even if it meant dropping all journalistic standards along the way.

How wrong we were!

Today’s tweet is proof and proof of one thing only – that at least one person at Vanguard Newspapers needs to get properly laid.

That’s lie… we were right. Today’s tweet is proof of our initial “diagnosis”. That Vanguard Newspapers is in hot and reckless pursuits of the clicks and they are ready to do whatever it takes to get them. Even if that means that a poor (and hopefully stil young) employee has to put out all of his or her sexual frustrations out to the world at 12am in exchange for social engagement.

Sad thing though: they are going about it all wrong. All that embarrassing stress and loss of credibility should never be for measly 9 likes and 44 retweets.


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