Anyway, I plan to do well at SKS Consulting today, so the boss won’t ask me those heart-breaking questions when he sees my expenses list for the day…

Hi, I am Edwin Babatunde Alexander, the second guy in my boss’s one-man business, or “two-man business” like I call it. What do I do? Hmm…I do everything for my boss. from his personal assistant, to his caddy on the golf course, I am his business partner, his Driver, his nephew, his son, his errand boy, also his competitor and every other act I need to play to make our two-man business successful.

For the record, I am never going to quit this job unless I am sacked.

Why? You will learn during the course of our gist, but just so you know, I can never be sacked.

Why? Who else will work his buttocks off for a boss that never thanks you the way you want to be thanked? All you get is, “Eddy my boy we are going places.”

“Ain’t we there yet?!” I ask silently. The boss better not hear my thoughts out loud  or else I will be in for another long talk about sacrifice and hard work, and a promise of a brighter, more rewarding future.

This guy is truly from a family with a high level of “political haemoglobin”.

Speaking of the devil. Excuse me a minute, abeg. Oga dey call.

“Hello sir.”

“Hey, Eddy my boy, how was your night son? You will be going to SKS Consulting today; I have called to inform them my partner is coming over. I want you to get this contract talks over with and make m—uuuh, make US some money. These people wanna do business with us, they just need to trust us a little more and I trust you can do that. Wear one of those your elegant suits and give them your charming ‘fine boy’ smiles son. Shebi you know the chairman of SKS is a very young lady? So you know what to do Eddy my boy. We need this money ooo. Okay, bye, call me when you have won us some ‘chedazz’.”

You see? What kind of boss calls you up early morning and doesn’t allow you to even reply to his “How was your night?” Only my smart, stingy, egocentric, arrogant, ignorant and pain-in-the-a** boss.

Anyway, I plan to do well at SKS Consulting today, so the boss won’t ask me those heart-breaking questions when he sees my expenses list for the day, I need this money baje, boss never pay for five months and Anike’s folks have been asking to see their handsome, intelligent and smooth son-in-law.

Expenses:

(1) Transportation: N105,000 (executive car hire)

(2) Lunch: N32,500 (with SKS chairman’s P.A)

(3) Tips: N19250 (SKS’s gateman, secretary and chairman’s driver)

Total: N156,750.

Guys, this list make sense, abi?

Okay guys, duty calls…. Catch you later, but before I go I have to ask, “How much dey my wallet sef?”

….N465.

Correct! It’s going to be a great day…

Editor’s note: Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.