by Cheta Nwanze

 Maybe it’s just me, but methinks that the unnamed elders in this report should bring their ‘elderly’ influence to bear. First Ladies (or First Gentlemen, think Prince Philip), are meant to be seen and not heard.

This morning, on my way to work, I was almost involved in a motor accident. Some silly danfo overtook on my left hand side, then came to a halt right in front of me. If, for some reason I was paying attention to my First Lady as a statement she made yesterday was being played on the radio, I’d have run into him. And she’d have continued speaking, while those in authority, would have continued issuing sound bytes about the menace of Lagos buses…

Speaking of my First Lady, let me get this straight. Your only claim to “authority” is that you happen to be married to a chap who through no fault of his, climbed from Deputy Guv’nor to Guv’nor, then to Vice, and finally is now the Prez. Despite this, you keep throwing your weight around, even have a podium specially constructed for an unconstitutional office, and, well, keep throwing your weight around. Maybe it’s just me, but methinks that the unnamed elders in this report should bring their ‘elderly’ influence to bear. First Ladies (or First Gentlemen, think Prince Philip), are meant to be seen and not heard.

Just like our agricultural sector. Despite the fact that it is the largest employer of labour in our country, and the largest contributor to our GDP, they have a stunning tendency to be seen (on our plates each day), but not heard. In this analysis, Tunji Andrews, bless him, shows us that Nigeria, if we ever decide to work hard, can actually do without crude oil.

Problem is that as long as they keep sharing the money, that ain’t ever gonna happen.

Classified Advert

I, formerly known as Major Hamza Al-Mustapha, now wish to be known and addressed as Major-General Hamza Al-Mustapha. Former documents remain valid except that my address is no longer The Government Guest House, Kiri-Kiri, a new address shall be communicated in due course. All pressmen and army officers please take note.

Bits and Bobs

Only a few days ago, a friend of mine moved into 1004 and mentioned that he pays an average of N30,000 a month for power. I would gladly pay twice that amount if I see the light, so when assorted NERC suits tell me that, “The truth is that the tariff must increase despite shortfalls in service delivery,” I do not find it amusing.

For the second time in a week, current ASUU executives, and former ASUU members could not reach an agreement. Honestly, methinks that ASUU should just remain on strike until they get their alerts.

Finding itself with two chairmen, APGA might soon go the way of the Rivers state Assembly…

Right of Reply

China Acheru wrote,

Hmmm. About the postinor, why not give Edo chics the credit they deserve?
Are you saying they are actually more promiscuous but more versed in the use of contraceptives?

Chxta responds,

Open ya Bible to the Gospel according to John, chapter 18, verse 37. My response is similar.

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Op-ed pieces and contributions are the opinions of the writers only and do not represent the opinions of Y!/YNaija.